00:00 Chris
Welcome to the lion within us, a podcast, serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders. They are predestined to be. I’m your host, Chris Granger. Let’s jump in. All right, guys, this week has been all about self and we’ve been talking about you only get 18 summers and specifically with our kids and, and how we spend that time and diversity week.

We talk about third John one, four, and I, and it says I have no greater joy than have to hear that my children are walking into this. So today I have with me Mr. Jim shields, and he is on a clear mission in this lifetime if deepen relationships and approve education for entrepreneurial families. So he’s wrote a really killer book.

It’s called the family board meeting. I have a copy right here. I w I wore it out. I got so many notes in it. I’m excited to walk with that through him. And it really gets strategies to help parents connect with their kids. Just fun and engaging way. So they called Jim the crazy good for family. So, Jim, welcome.

How are you doing today, sir?

00:54 Jim Sheils
Good, Chris. Thanks for having me here.

00:56 Chris
I’m excited. I’m very excited to have you here. I love this book. We implemented this in our family, uh, probably about eight months ago now. So, uh, it’s, it’s been an absolute blessing. So today this is just a treat for me to be able to talk with you about it and share this with other people.

And, uh, I just am curious now, when I read you the intro and how he did the intro, and then I just heard him on your podcast a few weeks ago, that was pretty cool that you guys had him on two.

Absolutely. Absolutely. It was, it was, I love your story. I actually, from that podcast that went out and got the whole series of the miracle morning and me and my wife were reading through those now and trying to figure out ways to incorporate that. So it’s. You know, it’s pretty cool to you use any of the miracle

01:42 Jim Sheils
morning strategies yourself.

I’ve always had a morning ritual and I knew about how’s work. We kind of knew about each other’s work. And then I was like, let me dig in more. And the more I looked at how he had really packaged. It was very dynamic and it’s very helpful. And those are pieces of my morning almost every morning. I’m not going every morning.

02:04 Chris
Close to it. I got ya. I got ya. Well, it was, it was very cool to see that. So, I mean, I’m, I’m excited to unpack this for our listeners because I know there’s Christian dads out there that are listening and they’re trying to figure. You know how to connect better with their kids. And, uh, you, you open the book with the most important question in the world.

And maybe I just want you to just share what that question is and what led you to that

02:27 Jim Sheils
question? Well, there’s a couple of different questions in the beginning of the book. One of the most important questions that I think is who do you, who do you value your time with? The most is one of the questions that I’m always asking myself.

Who do you value the most? With your time and what is more important, your family or your career. And it’s a question a lot of people don’t want to ask and it’s, it’s kind of a double-edged sword because we say, well, we’re providing for our family, we’re doing it for our family. Um, but there’s, there’s never been a bigger misconception that in order to be a good provider, you, you have to be absent from family life.

And a lot of men, especially. I feel this guilt or this responsibility that if I’m really going to do it, I shouldn’t be around them. And I don’t subscribe to that. And I think that’s one of the biggest injustice is not only for yourself, but for your children as well.

03:21 Chris
Absolutely. Absolutely. So, I mean, one thing that, that you, as I started reading the book and thinking about the strategy, the question that jumped out to me was when was the last time you spent that whole day, you know, along with your kid, you know,

03:37 Jim Sheils
That’s a powerful and see them.

The one thing I’ve learned, Chris, working in this first off, there’s lots of things out there that help you grow a business or learn how to market or learn how to sell or learn how to. Invest. There’s not a lot out there to teach that business owner, that investor, that salesperson, that, that mechanic how to succeed at home, but not without being long-winded or more almost like you got to have a degree in family therapy to understand what they’re talking about.

And I don’t, I that’s not me. I needed something that was practical, understandable. And then I could really dig into the use of. And I’ve learned, there’s a lot of simple solutions out there that we don’t have to make too complicated. And that’s why I think my book to golf is it’s short, it’s easy to read and it just has a few potent principles that we put together that can, uh, that can, you know, not going to get you all the way there, but I think that they can get you 80% of the way there if you’re constantly using.

04:30 Chris
Absolutely. Absolutely. So is it your business background that kind of led to the board meeting name?

04:37 Jim Sheils
Yeah, it was, it was, you know, when, when. Uh, I’ve always been entrepreneurial and had team meetings. And if you look up, you know, the classic definition of a board meeting for a company, it’s when you bring the team together to reunite them and look ahead to the next 90 days until I started doing that with each one of my candidates, I was saying, this is my most important relationships in my life, more than any member of my business.

So I’m going to give them the same respect. And so, uh, so every, every board meeting, every 90 days is grouping with each member of my family. Um, and it just resets the relationships and make us look ahead to what’s next.

05:16 Chris
Right. I just think the overall strategy, like you said, is very, it’s very direct, but it’s something that you can really just lean into and implemented to your family structure and to, to the way the family flows.

05:28 Jim Sheils
Yeah. Yeah. Well, the principles are sound and they’re right below the surface of what’s obviously. And then when did you learn about me? Well, yeah, that makes sense. Like, you know, the crowning principle of why, what we do works is because it’s the one that one principle, I mean, I can’t tell you how often Chris, one-on-one time with your spouse or each of your children doesn’t happen.

Right. You know, you come from family, you’re busy or you’re bringing everyone together to places and that’s great. You know, one-on-one time is, is getting them under the surface. That’s where the potency happens. Rarely happens, especially for busy working parents. And normally that’s that’s men who are just working and they never get a chance to have one-on-one time with their spouse or each.

06:16 Chris
It really is. You know, you mentioned the principles jam. And as I looked on me as scheduling repetition, anticipation reflection, decompression, magnification, and simplicity, I mean, they really just kind of walk through the ideas that you need to take them. Yeah, they do any, I mean, I’m sure they all stand out to you as important, but if you were to give advice to men out there to maybe lean into a couple of disks or really move it forward, or there are a couple of principles that jump out.

06:43 Jim Sheils
Yeah. Well, first the scheduling principle is key that which was scheduled gets done as true now. So, so I, I have two, two really powerful rhythms in my family. I have a couple, but two I can go over. Now. One is once a quarter, I’m having a day with each of my children. One of them. I scheduled that day. It happens if I don’t, it won’t happen.

The second thing I do is I have a date with my wife once a week, every Wednesday, five 30 to eight 30. I’m not available. I’m not doing any podcasting investor calls, nothing every Wednesday, five 30 to eight 30. And so I make it the same time every week, the same day, because if not, I’m going to mess it up.

So why not cheat and schedule. So the Morgan. Oh, it’s impersonal to schedule. Just schedule it. It’ll get done right

07:32 Chris
now. How do you actually schedule it? I mean, is it on your calendar? Do you guys have like a sheer family calendar, like a Google calendar or things like, I’m trying to get practical ways to guys can lean into that scheduling.

07:43 Jim Sheils
Yeah. Well, I am my own calendar. So we mainly go off mine because mine is the busiest things they’re working, but I have the busiest schedule. So we go off of my schedule, um, in that, uh, that’s the way that we do it, you know, and some of your listeners out there, they might not even manage their own schedule.

I still manage part of my own schedule. Um, but I have an executive assistant. That helps put it on the calendar form and that some business owners out there you’re on handling your own schedule. You got to let you know your, your assistant know, whoever manages it, get that on the calendar. This is a non-negotiable time blocking.

Um, and people get used to seeing it on there too. Yeah,

08:22 Chris
absolutely. Absolutely. I tell you that the principle that jumped out to me, something that I’ve seen firsthand with our family, Jim, is an anticipated. So we laid out the schedule, you know, we actually printed it out. We have it on our family, bulls and board.

Uh, and then, so we, the girls, I have three daughters and they get to see, uh, whose month it is and who they’re going to be with. Right. Me or my wife. I guess just the I’ve said it in their eyes and the anticipation for their being able to come up to be creative, to come up with the ideas that they’re going to do that month, then what we’re going to be doing.

Uh, just that whole, uh, research where they’ll go, you know, we haven’t done this yet. We haven’t done yet that. So I just really, I encourage people to think of that, that anticipation. I think it’s wonderful that you called that.

09:10 Jim Sheils
Yeah. Yeah, you gotta there’s science behind that. If you’re always planning something in anticipating something like blaming the vacation can be almost as fun as the vacation itself.

Right. Everyone’s getting excited. There’s something I’m looking forward to. That anticipation is a very healthy thing. Um, Excitement in the relationship itself. Um, you know, I don’t, I don’t ever want to lose that anticipation principle in life.

09:37 Chris
Right. That’s right. It’s so important. So maybe let’s for the sort of guys that are listening, we can just give a high level breakdown, the three steps that you talked about and, and to, to get them, to get them going.

So I guess w w you know, one-on-one is, is where, where it begins at.

09:54 Jim Sheils
Yeah. So if you’re going to spend a half day with your, with your kids, there’s really three ways that I think that you do at first of all, is one-on-one. Your spouse is not invited their brother’s. Sister’s not invited your best friends on invite and their best friend is not invited.

My uncle’s not invited to grandparents. Aren’t invited. It’s just. It’s putting that magnifying glass on just that one relationship. So you’re the classic, quiet, not around dad. You can’t hide behind your wife. You’re going to have to have a real conversation step forward. And for some guys that can be really scary, but that one-on-one principle puts, puts magnifying glass and focus on that one relationship.

Right? So that is absolutely key to. So I think really digging the relationship and having fun together, or you look at it does not happen very often. So, so when you look at that, um, that’s, that’s the first principle. The second step, um, is, is something that we call, uh, intermittent tech fasting. Now your health guys out there probably have heard of intermittent

10:56 Chris
fasting actually do it.

Yeah. So it’s great

11:00 Jim Sheils
for muscle. Um, Muscle rejuvenation, uh, shredding fat, uh, Oregon rejuvenation. It says all sorts of health benefits. Right? But we didn’t give a meaning. Chris, you just said, I’m only going to eat deliberately between this time and this time. And the same thing we try to do with technology in our family.

Look, I’m glad we can have that. That’s how me and you were speaking a couple of states away right now, having this interview. Uh, helps me run my business to have, you know, a call wherever I am. Um, but you got to completely disconnect to reconnect. You have to have times of complete and total limit availability because if you don’t, you never truly present with the people in front of you.

And that’s not only for you taking the work home, but maybe your to get is on social media. If you’re always having that thing in between you, you are never really in each other’s. Um, we were never in each other’s, uh, realm and that’s not healthy. I can tell you this story I can reduce it to is, um, I was supposed to be jumping on the trampoline with my daughter after, after

12:04 Chris
work one

12:04 Jim Sheils
day.

And I normally turn off my phone more for all of my board meetings. Every, every quarter, when I have my day between five 30 and seven 30, I try to turn off my phone. No one can gets in there. And I was getting on the trampoline with my daughter to go play with her. She was five at the time. And I didn’t turn off my phone.

I broke my own rule. Well, I got that little in my pocket. We all know that. I know it’s work-related so my, my brain goes into four different directions, right. Without even looking at it. But I looked at it and I was, I was doing a real estate closing on a real estate deal I was doing and someone really messed it up.

I mean, they just, they messed it up. It was a simple thing. I couldn’t believe that. I started talking and swearing under my breath and I’m all frustrated and I’m not on the trampoline now. Um, um, you know, I’m way out here dealing with a business thing in my brain and I’ll never forget. My daughter looked at me and she said, daddy, why are you?

Why are you so mad at. And that was a big lesson to say, we think we’re good enough where we can be present with them and handling something on social media or in an email or texting. But we’re really not, we’re not good enough to split that. So you’ve got to have that complete and total unavailability.

And if your guys will start to do that, not only for this one day at quarter, they’re spending with their children, but also maybe win a date with their spouse, or even just some flex your time for yourself, where you’re reading or working out or doing whatever he completely and totally unavailable. Um, and the time is going to be more meaningful.

And especially on a one-on-one relationship, you are going to have such a better focus, because like I said, you don’t even have to look at your phone. But if you feel that buzz or you hear that beep you will start to go, well, what does that, is that, that thread from this? Or is this the thing, or should I look at this?

Or what does that, I don’t know. We had to text on. It is the worst distraction and it pulls you out of the moment. So I highly encourage your guys to start using it in all parts of their life. Some intermittent tech faster don’t give up, but have certain times where you are just not available to use it the same way when you’re fasting for your health.

Right. I’m not, I’m just not available. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. So, and then the last, the last step is really a fun activity of their choice. Um, with. We are, we are pushing people, parents, you know, we think we know what’s best and we’ll reward ourselves like you. And I might say, Hey, we’re going to set up and go to a football game.

And you know, just me and my son one-on-one and you know, I’m all proud. We get home. Wasn’t that great. But what if he does all like football? You know, he might, he might be into building auntie cars or something you don’t know. Um, but when you let them play in the day, They can come with all sorts of ideas.

I can tell you, my son, we 18 year old is on his way, probably becoming a professional fishermen. Um, let’s say of his own charter boat fishing thing here in Florida and down the keys in Costa Rica, like all sorts of things that all started with us, going fishing a lot on our boardrooms and it just had this natural tower for him.

Now. I wasn’t a big fisherman. I love surfing, but I’m not a big Fisher. But I love hanging out with him and imagine I pick the days I would have led him away from a path that he truly loved. So a big one out there is let your kids design the day and go all in. You might have to have, especially, you know, you have three daughters.

I’ve had some princess parties, Chris, and I’m not a very pretty princess, you know, but it’s for my daughter. She is just so happy. She’s a pig in mud. I’m all in. So let your kids turn plan the day. ’cause um, two things will happen. You’ll start to uncover their gifts, their talents, what they’re interested in.

So many parents go to me, I’m going to support what they’re interested in their gifts, their talents, but let them plan the day. Every 90 days, you’ll start to uncover what are these kids really interested in ownership. And at the end of that too, after, after they plan the day, you know, you have a really good chance to have some real communication.

So I call it, um, let them choose the day and then add some folks. Conversation at the end, you know, I call them the focus reflection, where you just have a light conversation, say, oh, what was fun today? And why did you like it? And then, uh, normally it’s tough for anyone who hasn’t been on it. What I’ve found is when I was one-on-one and my phone off giving my full focus, four or five hours have gone by, uh, I’m a little more, my, my guard is down a little more.

And that’s when some points of clarity coming, Chris, and you’re normally as data, at least I am I’m in deficit of two things. Unusually short on giving a sincere compliment or, or an authentic apology. You know, a lot of, a lot of men out there, we wear our Eagle on our sleeve and we say, oh, we’re immune from apologies.

You know, hard we’re working, you know, we’re doing a sacrifice for the family. Hey, I get it. Uh, but nothing is more potent. I don’t think from a standpoint of, of really see nine, nine saying, you know what? I’ve been a little short, I’ve been a little distant. I just want I’ll call aspire clients now. And I’m doing this 10 years.

Hey man. At the end of a board meeting, I said, you know what? This divorce has been really hard. And on me and I’ve probably been shortened unfair. And I just want to say, I’m sorry, this is not your fault. I mean, powerful apology and something like that, or a compliment. Hey, I’ve seen, you’ve really taken a talent to a.

It’s available. That was in the backyard. I saw you put that thing together that I couldn’t even imagine putting together and the two hours, like you got a real knack for things like that, you know, notes, that’s something special. We do these things, Chris, you know what I mean? So, but if you match bleed, allow them to plan the day, go all in and then share some deep conversation.

At the end of the day, you can really just all the relationship.

17:56 Chris
I think it also speaks to that. Sometimes we forget as man the power that we have in our voice, you know, and what we see as the leaders of our house and, and leading our kids, you know, you can either build them up or you can bring them down.

So I may take, that’s an opportunity to build up right there, to lean in, to, to show leadership, you know, show that on your sleeves, you know, to let that be what your kids see. And if you’re trying to teach them truth and, and, and understanding, that’s just a great opportunity, right?

18:25 Jim Sheils
Absolutely. Absolutely.

And the one thing I can tell you on, on these days with my kids, I killed Superman a long time ago. Yeah. What this means is if you put up this facade and everyone knows it’s a facade, because we all have hard times, we all have downsides that you are Superman, that you are an invincible. Right. And they, they put you on this patriotic pedastool, which sounds great, but they can’t relate with you if you lie to your kids and it’s a lie.

All I’ve never been afraid. I’ve never been down. I’ve never had this. I’ve never had setbacks. I don’t have challenges. Well, then how do they relate to you? Because there’s no way in a high-roller 10 minutes, not having some sort of growth like that. So the more I’ve I’ve shared kind of my failures or, or my times of fear, the more they’ve been able to relate to them because you don’t have to perfect.

You don’t have to be against Superman ensure that you have, and we work through them, but just to admit, having. I see as a major step forward for a lot of relationships, because they’re going like my kid can’t relate to me. Why, you know, and I wrote about it in the book where if I put up this image of just instability, never being afraid.

Am I really being honest in my really setting the stage to have a close relationship? I don’t

19:43 Chris
think that’s true. That’s true. I’d say what Jean, I got some, some questions specifically on the board meeting process that may help our guys. We’ll take a quick break and we’re to jump back in to answer some of those question.

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All right guys, we’re back here with Jim and, you know, Jim, I’ll go back through banking through the board meetings and how, how I’ve done them and how it’s impacted our family. But you said something about when your son and, and he liked fishing and it kind of led into that too. So maybe as a tip, because this is something I’m trying to figure it out now to do the board meetings always need to be something different.

Or if there is something, a common thread, is it okay to do that similar type of thing over and over? I just, just, you’re taking.

21:33 Jim Sheils
Um, my take is let them play in the day. Like my, my oldest and then my, my second in line, they would copy each other. Well, that sounds fun. I want to go to do that and it’s like, okay, you let them plan the day.

And the answer is no. If they have a real passion, like my little guy just turned five, I’d say the last two out of four times three out of five, actually three out of five times, we go into the alligator for. He’s just crazy about alligators and the animals. They already know it’s his Dan, and this is where I’m oh, we’ve already gone there.

We don’t do who am I to say that this is his day I’m should, I’ll go off. It’s a $14 ticket. You know what I mean? You want to go the alligator for him again? Absolutely. Let’s do it. So I let them choose and no, it doesn’t have to be different. I can tell you with my oldest now, just about every time that something involving a Fisher, let’s rent a boat and go in shore fishing.

Over at that one spot or let’s do this. That’s what he wants to do. And that’s, you know, for his 18th, we did the dream trip to Alaska, you know, I said, 18, 18 summers. Let’s go out with a bag. Um, and we did Alaska. So that was a, yeah, that’s expensive. That’s a big one, but that’s what I let him choose. And so the theme Chris has stayed the same probably for the last few years on these.

And that’s what he wants to do. And he doesn’t have to force himself to change. That’s what he likes. I just fall in and enjoy it. Now.

23:03 Chris
I’m so glad you brought up the cost aspect. Cause I mean, one thing we try to teach on our line within this as well and the right ways to build wealth and family budget.

So, is this something that, you know, I know for our family, it’s actually a line item in our monthly budget, the family board meeting, now that we have, you know, we try to set some parameters. Do you, do you find that helps families, you know, stay on track and to, you know, put some, put some, some guard rails around.

23:28 Jim Sheils
Yeah, I think, you know, the financial concern too. I have not been for a lot of the people I’ve worked at. It’s funny. This has been less of an issue than most people think, especially with the little ones it’s really, you’re not asking them some big, expensive thing to go to. It’s free to go to a park it’s free.

I mean, really sometimes the only cost is having a meal at a simple little place to them. I do like to budget for a meal and you’re not going to Ruth Chris or some fancy house. You go to a little place. They want to go. I mean, it’s been, it’s been a pizza place or Chick-Filet, or the taco place. It’s, it’s something simple.

So hot. The cost hasn’t been that big. Um, once in awhile, there might be something more you budget for, but again, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. It’s not a, it’s not normally like, oh, I’m going to do something so expensive. Um, that’s going to be out of the league. That’s that’s been a nice revelation.

It can be, it can be absolutely free. So many times I’m thinking back on that one screen, and then other times it might be a small budget thing. Like the alligator farm is $14. That’s money well spent for me to watch him run around. It’s like, that’s right. That’s right. But once in a while, he might do that in our, our, our fourth board meeting of the year normally is a volunteer.

If I go let them choose something that they’re interested to volunteer in around the holidays. We’ll buy meals for someone like we’ve given pizzas out to police officers or the homeless people, or, um, so it cost some money, but it’s a charity type thing. Sure. Um, something I didn’t talk about in the book, but someone needs it.

All right. It’s around the holidays. We want to give back. We’ve already had three weeks. Yeah. The days through the year, let’s do something funny and do something charitable for this last one in the

25:25 Chris
home. That’s a pretty cool idea. That’s awesome. I am curious for just for me too, I know the guys out there they’re listening, you know, you talk about the intermittent tech fasting and you know, that easier said than done, you know, cause I, I try to take pictures when I’m on the board meetings and a lot of times our phone is our, is our.

Yeah. So do you just don’t want an airplane mode,

25:49 Jim Sheils
airplane mode, airplane mode. Don’t don’t try to say, I’m going to take the picture real quick with it on airplane mode. Cause again, and then you open it, just take the picture and there’s that one text or something. So airplane mode is such a gift, you know, airplane mode take that one or two fixtures, which I think makes a lot of sense.

Um, but Jay, you don’t, you don’t want that phone on. A lot of people have said that, so yeah, airport.

26:15 Chris
And the one thing we’re doing with our family, we wish we haven’t made it a year through the board meetings yet, but it may be people have done this gym is we’re taking those pictures and we’re collecting them and we’re gonna actually turn that into a photo album.

So it’s going to be the board meeting photo album. So that’d be a way for us to look back. So I’m just curious. Are there any other like advice you’d give her around that to remember the board meetings itself?

26:37 Jim Sheils
If I made any mistake, precincts, the fact that they all start to run together and I’ve got commemorative photos and we’ve started to organize it cause you’re talking to decade and, and that’s the one thing I give to everyone that simpleness and just taking them one or two commemorative photos saying, here’s what we did.

If you use the day, here’s what we did. And like one or two reflections on the day that you talked about or not how you have. Man, that’s awful. And I’m doing that more, but that’s one thing I could have done better because I have people that started using this idea from us 10 years ago. And they’d done that and it really a catalog of the relationship.

It’s something that the children will, I don’t think we’re ever like stop looking at an appreciating long afternoon ironed on.

27:26 Chris
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, one thing that, that I’ve even started to try to implement is the board meeting, uh, uh, practice, if you will, and my mentor ship. So, uh, once a month I’ve kinda mentored a young man and he’s got, and, and I’ve taken a lot of your principles here and tried to apply that to what I’m doing there too.

So that could be something for people that are trying to mentor others, and maybe you don’t have kids and you want to be able to spend, you know, be that uncle or something like that. Maybe you could use these principles and that, and that means.

27:59 Jim Sheils
Oh, yeah, we have grandparents use it. We have big brother, big sister programs that use it and making sure they’re, you know, to turn off their phone.

They’re, one-on-one, they’re letting them choose the day. These things are going into some similar programs. I think. Absolutely. It’s, it’s, it’s very key in not only the parent child relationship, but your spouse relationship. So, you know, it’s, uh, it’s, it’s very impaired.

28:24 Chris
Very cool. I’m curious what you’ve talked to so many people, I told them this, this wonderful process.

What are some of the coolest success stories? I mean, we’re where people have, have shared with you. The impact is having her life. I’m just curious on what you heard that that really resonated.

28:41 Jim Sheils
Um, there’s been, there’s been like different themes of dads who have been divorced and it’s like, finally have.

Reconnected with their child and they’ve, they’ve come to an understanding. Um, that’s, that’s a big blessing. I remember one, one guy who had a big marketing company, he got a divorce, he had two, two daughters. And, um, we started spending this one-on-one time with them and the business had gone under, he was starting a new business.

So he went through Tufts. Well, you got to hear from his daughters saying we didn’t want the big business or any of that. We just wanted you. That was so rewarding for him. Like, I always remember that one that sticks out. Um, and then there’s a lot, Chris that have come where it’s like, you won’t believe the conversation I just had with my son and my daughter.

I never covered it. Open up. I never dropped into tell me about this. Um, It’s sometimes it’s the adventure. There’s a couple, like, that’s a cool adventure. That’s a cool day, but it’s normally happens after that. But this deep conversation that’s happened that steered them out of a pretty dangerous situation or men, and they need help on something where they’re having problems with this.

You know, I think those are points of destiny workers. It helps, of course, correct. At a real pivotal time, we all know growing up, ain’t easy right there versus distractions and temptation, all sorts of stuff. And I think there’s been moments that people have told me. They came and talked to me about this on this thing, you had a better understanding each other.

And I was able to actually support them. They actually gave me the chance to do that. There’s a lot of things with that.

30:22 Chris
Well, I mean, speak it to that, you know, that, that engagement when you’re, when you’re in the, having that conversation. I know for, for me, it’s easier for me just to be conversational. As for my wife, she’s a little more introverted and she’s found it sometimes a little bit difficult to get the conversation going with the kids.

So, I mean, any advice for maybe the introverts out there that, you know, cause I feel like there’s a lot of pressure to, I’m making sure it’s a meaningful conversation, but should it maybe we’re overthinking.

30:51 Jim Sheils
Now you are. And the good news is, um, uh, just being on that board meeting, just having that day together, speaks a million words.

Right? We put this pressure on like that. We need to say something like, oh, what would the Dr. Phil or this therapist say, like, I don’t know, I’m on therapist words, but sometimes, you know, this conversation at the end might be. 120 seconds, you know, it might be. And I really enjoyed the day. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there a lot.

I’ve been super overwhelmed with work and this and that. And we had some more things just want to make sure, you know, um, and it could be that short or two minute statement when you’re done. And they might not say anything back, but you being there speaks volumes and it starts to crack open the shell a little bit.

So I would just say, don’t put yourself under too much pressure. It doesn’t have to be some, you know, Philosophical, you know, top-notch, um, uh, family, counselor level conversation, right? Just a few words of kindness or apology. And then you move on. You’ve had that time together, then spoken enough. Uh, the one thing I would say too, for everyone who is the opposite of that, if you start to spend these days with your children, And after you do something really fun together, grab a meal and then maybe you’re driving home.

You’re hanging out somewhere and you start to have a conversation. And that conversation to you is 50 lectures on how they need to improve their life. What they’re not really living to all that you will heal. Any groundwork that you’ve just laid in that relationship and you will also detract them from really ever wanting to spend the day with you.

Again, this is not a time for, um, for lectures. It’s not a time for over disciplining. It’s a time for enjoying the relationship and supporting. Um, if you, if you’ve planned 50 lectures, these aren’t gonna last very long.

32:51 Chris
That’s right. That’s right. But this has been just wonderful advice. I’ll tell you what it’s been.

Like I said, a true blessing for our family and you know, I’d say for the listeners out there, I highly encourage you guys to listen to 18 summers podcasts. I listened to you guys. Uh, it’s, it’s great insight. It’s helped me grow as a, as a dad and great ideas I picked up. So I’m going to end the podcast and we’ll flip it on you.

I don’t know if anybody’s ever done this for you, but I, I know your last question. So I’m going to ask it to you so that the 75 year old version of yourself, what, what, what advice would he give to you?

33:29 Jim Sheils
Yeah, that’s a good question. When I started doing this at the beginning of the pandemic, we got to remember, we had four kids, we were fostering two kids, you know, it was, it was a crazy time and four of ’em were under the age of six.

So, you know, that’s a pretty busy household. And, um, my lesson was with, you know, setbacks and distractions and things that irritate you, especially around family. Um, When I’m 75 and gone, oh man, leave that up. That’s the good stuff you’re going to miss that, that, that, that, uh, organized chaos, that innocence craziness.

It doesn’t last forever. You know, eating that is the good stuff you just. Just embrace it and enjoy it because you are going to look back and just have just a, ah, it’s magic. If you look, you don’t start picking apart the little girl. So that’s, that’s what my 75 year old will say is, you know, a lot of the annoyances or things we get short on or worried about Julie, the good stuff, but it’s not going to last forever.

So.

34:37 Chris
I love it. So do you know what, where do people need to go if you want, if you want them to connect with you and what you guys are building and those resources, where, where, where should we direct them?

34:47 Jim Sheils
Yeah, I mean, you know, we got the, um, the 18 summer Stanley podcast to do a couple of episodes a week.

And also the book you can find on Amazon, the family board meeting, you want to learn more about things that we do even just go to 18 summers.com and hopefully everyone realizes Chris that’s, that’s the math equation that was given to me by a dear mentor. And he just said, Hey. I love my kids. He’s 70 at the time, he said, but it’s different.

Eat up those first 18 summers, you know, and you’ve got 18 summers to really make that big impact because then they, their adulthood and your time shorten. So, you know, just remember those first 18 summers are magic if you make

35:23 Chris
them. And I’ve, I’ve brought that up to people before and I’ve seen tears come to eyes just because the realization.

If there are kids 11 years old, you know, I only have seven left, you know? And so it’s just, it, it really is. It really is. So, I mean, check out the show notes, guys, that would be all those links that Jim mentioned. They’ll be there pushing a week that I want you to get us thinking about is when was the last time you spent a whole day alone with your child with no electronic distractions and joining a fun activity and having meaningful conversations.

So there’s your question about. Guys. Thanks, Jim. Thank you so much. You’ve shared so much wisdom and insight here. So it was just a, it was a blessing to be able to talk to you.

36:02 Jim Sheils
Yeah. Well, thanks for having me on Christy for the good work. I appreciate it.

36:05 Chris
Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you sir. And guys out there, if you liked this episode, share it with a brother, cause maybe this is the 18th summers.

It’s something that you think could bless someone else. I highly encourage you. Check out the show notes, go to the line with bandanas and check us out there and give us a rating and review and just go out there and unleash the lion within.