In this episode:
Christian men are not immune to the issue of anger.
Quite often it is a tool Satan uses to derail our testimony. In this episode Joseph Warren unpacks areas that cause anger to grow in our lives and shares strategies he’s developed to help Christian men process to grow in their walk.
Anger is a gift from God. The problem is we are pointing our anger in the wrong direction because we don't want to be chastised or have a target on our back. Click To TweetJoseph Warren
Welcome to the lion within us, a podcast, serving Christian man who are hungry to be the leaders they’re predestined to be. I’m your host, Chris Grainger. So let’s jump in. All right guys, you know, this week we’ve been focusing on anger and today we’re going to be talking about understanding and processing anger.
And I brought in the expert. I brought in Mr. Joseph Warren, and I tell you what, he’s going to unpack this for us. But before we get there, I want to remind you the verse of the week, this week, guys, you better be studying it, put it in your heart. Philippians four, eight, finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true.
Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely. Whatever is admirable. If anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things. So guys, you better have that one in your heart, and it will be a quiz at the end of this podcast. Now, Joseph Warren, who is this guy, he grew up on welfare and government cheese.
He started his first seven figure business at age 19 and wasted away his twenties, trying to find happiness through money success. He made millions guys, but then he lost it all and considering taking his own life. But God had Supreme li better plan for him. Joseph now post the broken Catholic podcasts, the number one podcast on iTunes for Protestants and Catholics.
His show has been rated under the top 100 Christian podcasts in the world since 2019. So I’m excited to have Mr. Joseph Warren said, Hey Joseph, how you doing today?
01:28 Joseph Warren
I am so blessed. Chris, like to be here with you and your audience, your guys, uh, to speak some of God’s truth into their lives, but mostly to bring God’s mercy and forgiveness as men.
So many times we don’t run back to our heavenly father when we know we need to, because we’re scared. We’re scared. He’s not going to take us back. Right. We’re scared. We’re too. We’re unfixable. Yeah. Right. And I want to bring that message that, that is, those are lies of the enemy to keep us separated from our father who has open arms again, the prodigal father, no judgment.
His arms are wide open he’s out looking and waiting for us for you to come back every single day.
Right. He certainly does. He certainly does what a beautiful way to start. And I’ll tell you what Joseph to, I mean, I gave you that intro. You probably get some of our guys want to know a little bit more. So give us, give us a little bit more about your background.
You know, where you’re at, you know, H w what led you to where he at right.
02:33 Joseph Warren
Yeah. So I grew up in a family of six kids, three boys, three girls, very Brady bunch to date some of our audience there. And, uh, you know, life was good when we were little kids. Um, we are loved, my father was a Marine, uh, and, uh, you know, when he came out of the Marine Corps, uh, he was in the Vietnam war and he saw things, no human should ever have to see, uh, in battle or in life.
And when he came back, uh, he wanted to start a family and find the right woman and, and, and do fatherhood. He knew that that was his vocation. So he, he met my mom. Uh, she was a hundred percent Greek woman, uh, in New York and, uh, stuff, uh, tough and stubborn, you know, Greek females. And, uh, that was his gal and they got married.
Um, had a us children. And my father was very intentional, uh, with his faith because he didn’t come from a, uh, a practicing Christian background. Uh, his family, his parents were Protestant, but, uh, they weren’t practicing. They didn’t go to church. They, God really wasn’t part of the everyday conversation. Uh, so he wanted to take his faith serious.
Obviously, after what he had seen in battle probably had new perspective about eternity and finality and, uh, he decided, you know, I’m gonna do faith. Right. And so he searched and said, which is the true faith, like, which is the one. Um, for me as a man and I’m a raise my children in and, uh, he ended up doing a very curious search.
I, I think, uh, you know, he asked some basic questions, like where is the enemy attacking the most in the church? Because he had this some kind of perspective, the holy spirit gave him. I’m sure of, you know, if you don’t know where truth is, uh, look where evil is attacking most that’s truth. Like it’s like a shortcut, you know, uh, cause the enemy is always out to destroy truth, right?
So he ended up landing in the Catholic church and uh, he decided, um, that he was going to combine his, uh, Marine Corps training and Catholicism. Well, dad becomes really tough, uh, and life at home. Um, became kind of like a little dictatorship, you know, and it was kind of like a Marine Corps bootcamp, uh, and religiosity and discipline and rules and regulations, not to say that all those things are not good for us, but if I look back, I would say it was, it was just too much.
There was, there was redundancy there and we were like little soldiers. And, and I give that perspective because I think many men can relate to that kind of upbringing where God was presented to us as more of a God, someone to be feared. That’s waiting to condemn us, to punish us rather than a loving father who’s full of mercy and compassion and understanding.
Right. So though God was taught both ways. The emphasis was clearly in mind. On the Thai radical fear. God, rather than run to God, it was run away from God, very Adam and Eve in the garden. I messed up. I’m a sinner, let me run and hide. Right. And that’s that kind of painted the start of my childhood, my adolescence into my young adult life.
I guess there’s that helpful background? No, that was a very helpful background for sure. I mean, it sounds like you guys had, had to had a line and you had to walk and it sounds like your dad did not let you get out of line there.
06:21 Joseph Warren
Oh no. And corporal punishment was definitely a thing. So I got belts, wood paddles the work right
here right now.
Well, I’ll tell you though, you know, I’ve almost seen society swing too far the other way now where there’s just, there’s no discipline at home. You know, following the is, is, is, is rampant. There’s a lot of homes with no with no dads and no strong male leaders. And even inside the church. I see it. It’s just as it’s funny, you know, sometimes we.
Certain bag groups inside of church work. But then like, as the kids grow, like the dads disappearing and it ends up being just the moms there or something. So it’s like, come on, we know we get it, but we have to draw these guys in. We have to give them a reason to want to come to church and to engage in a girl is Christian man, too.
07:05 Joseph Warren
I agree with you completely. You know, I got the paddle, that was my discipline growing up. And nowadays a lot of dads, they swung a feather at their kids like that somehow kind of go into work and, and it’s like these feathery fluffy words we use, you know, I’m a count to three. Yeah. Kids are smart. They’re like you did that before and nothing happened, so right.
I’m going to go do my thing, dad. That’s right. That’s true. Right.
You know, sometimes you got to bring the, the, the, the thunder, you know, you gotta let them know. So it’s, uh, it’s pretty, it’s, it’s, it’s sad. You know, something, when you think about it, when I was reading your book and it started thinking about, you know, just Christian man in general.
And then I ran across Sisto de Gallo was just telling me how to, it was at a record. Basketball game and like for seven-year-olds and the coach was ready to fight him like, and a little rec league basketball. And we started talking about anger and I started thinking about you, Ella. Well, this is a good time to have this conversation because this here’s like he was a Christian man and he was not immune to that anger.
I mean, anger it’s surface that it came out and, and like you said, it’s a soul, it’s a tool that Satan uses and it can ruin our testimony. And now I’m just, just curious your thoughts of, you know, why that is,
08:22 Joseph Warren
um, before I answer why that is, if I could just give context to anger in general, would that be right?
Absolutely. I think anger is a gift from God. It is an asset righteous anger. We are meant to have it as man. It’s one of our weapons, right? In the fight against the enemy. Jesus displayed righteous anger. When he flipped the tables in his father’s house, when it was being desecrated, he showed here’s a tool.
Here’s an asset. Here’s part of your masculine strength. I’ve given you. The problem, I think is exactly what you just shared in that story of the little league coach, us men now in society are pointing our anger in the wrong direction, rather than pulling that righteous anger and looking around and saying, look at all this evil in the world, look at all the evil doers, trying to steal my children’s future.
Let me bring this anger at them. Right? What do we do instead? We’re passive. We hold the R we hold our language back. We hold the righteous anger in where we should project it. Right? Because we don’t want to be chastised. We don’t want to be condemned. We don’t want to target on our back. We don’t want to ruin our careers.
It’s public opinions, status, et cetera. But then the anger is still there. So there needs to be an outlet. Eventually it’s like an erupting volcano when there’s enough pressure it’s going to blow. Right? So we end up blowing up on our wife and our children more times than we, like. We end up blowing up publicly on a little league coach over our son’s little ballgame.
Like we blow up in the areas where we shouldn’t and we don’t blow up in the areas where we should write
anger. Again, as a strength, but when pointed at the wrong, in the wrong direction, uh, it is destructive and we end up hurting the people. We love the most, the people that were working so hard to provide for, right. Because we don’t know what to do with our anger as men. Yeah. But there’s definitely an answer of where to bring that anger.
And I think we’re going to get into that into the sh in, in the conversation today.
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And I’ll tell you what, you know, when I want to read your book, guys, check out the show notes. There’s links there. You can connect directly with Joseph and all his material. You know, you, you refer to it as, as rocks.
You know, you, you, you, you, you kind of call, you know, the different rocks out, you know, that, uh, that, that you just see as what’s, what’s pulling against men, Maybe unpack a few of those for our listeners out there, because I’d love to get your take because you’re right. We’re focusing that anger where it shouldn’t be the wife, the kids, the, the coach, the referee who doesn’t get the call.
Well, I literally saw somebody walk in this game and the last story on this game, they had a shirt that said, give me your whistle. And like the whole time this person has sat in the stands and kept yelling, give me a whistle riff. I’m like, what is wrong with you? People. This is like, this let’s show some grace here.
Let’s, let’s, let’s, you know, this is not sh you know, being a model for these kids. So anger is everywhere. Um, I’m excited to hear about these rocks that you talk about. And I know our listeners will too.
11:59 Joseph Warren
Okay. So if you’re listening right now, when I say rocks, what I’m referring to is head trash rocks means head trash.
It’s, it’s all those rocks in your head, uh, that holds you back in your life that make you hesitate, that make you pause that make you not do the right thing, even though, you know, you’re. That make you do the wrong thing, even though, you know, it’s destroying yourself and your family, these are rocks. Okay.
And here’s what happens. Rocks in our head are not our fault. It’s not your fault over time. Since you were a little boy, the enemy has been speaking lies into your mind, relentlessly and repeatedly and convincingly. And he’s been mostly focused on three lies because these lies attack who you are, your identity, what’s your call to do so line number one is that the enemy has been whispering to your subconscious is God doesn’t love you.
God, doesn’t love you. If he did, then why did he let you experience so much pain and hurt when you were younger? Why didn’t he protect you? See God doesn’t love. You’re not worth protecting. Right? So that’s the first lie. God, doesn’t love you lie. Number two, God, isn’t a good father. And you can’t trust him after all.
Where was he? When that person hurt you? Where was he? When that person broke your trust?
So God is in a good father and you can’t trust him. And over the years you get so much evidence that stacks to back that up, right? Oh, this person screwed me over. God, didn’t protect me in that relationship. Oh God doesn’t love me. God, isn’t a good father. I can trust him. So we start to rely on self. Yeah.
Well, I gotta look out for my own. I gotta protect myself. Nobody else is going to God, certainly. Hasn’t right. And then the third lie, the enemy speaks into us repeatedly. And convincingly is you are. You are defective. There’s something wrong with you because if you are good, then God wouldn’t, then God would have protected you.
But you’re a piece of crap, right? So he didn’t, you’re no good.
And so many guys are so hard on themselves too. I mean, we’re, we’re our worst critics.
14:38 Joseph Warren
So now think about that. Those are the three big rocks that the enemy has been throwing at you your whole life. It’s not your fault. You an innocent little boy.
Right. And all of a sudden rocks are coming at you. You didn’t know what to do with them. Yeah. Then over time people started throwing rocks. Right? Cause people are people. We have a fallen, broken nature. That’s why we need a savior. So we heard each other. Right. It’s what humans do. It’s why Jesus came to save us from ourselves.
Right. Right. And he said, greatest commands are love God. And then love each other. Stop hurting you. Right. Right. So we’re throwing rocks at each other. The enemy is thrown rocks at you. Then you’re throwing rocks. Others are throwing rocks at you. You pick up rocks and throw them back and retaliation and hurt them back.
You hurt the, you know, those girlfriends that you dated, right? You, uh, you heard the, the friends that did you wrong, you hurt them back. Right? You hurt your spouse because she said something that you felt hurt from. So now you retaliate. So we, we got these rocks being thrown back and forth, back and forth.
And then like you said, Chris, we end up throwing rocks at ourselves, all that negative self-talk I remember one client came to me and he’s like I said, what’s the problem what’s going on? And you know, what are your rocks? And he goes, dude, I wake up every morning. And for the first five minutes in bed, I just lie there, awake pretty much yelling at myself, saying the nastiest, most horrific things.
Right. You’re a piece of crap. You’re no good. You’re not worth anything. Nobody wants you. Nobody likes you. Nothing’s going to work out for you. It’s all a lie. People pretending they like you, but they really don’t. Right. It’s all going to collapse. Right. And he goes on like this, his brain for five minutes every morning.
Imagine starting your day, this way, are you set up to win or to lose? Yeah. Well, if you feel like a loser right out the gate, guess what you’re going to do, right? Your brain is just a computer system. That’s going to go, oh, you want more of that? Okay, let me go get you the evidence you need that you’re a loser and you’re a piece of crap.
That’s right. And then you make poor decisions. You Jack things up that validate say, I screwed that up too. I am a loser. I am a piece of crap. Nobody loves me. This isn’t going to work out. God doesn’t love me. Right? Rocks, rocks, rocks. And you get buried in a pile of rocks. And here’s the problem. The real problem, I think.
Is over time, those rocks, here’s what we do. God made each and every one of his sons and daughters, he put good soil into them, right? It says when God made everything, it was good. That means you, my friend, my brother are good when God made you, he made good. And he in you, he put good soil that he wants to be fruitful and fertile and rich, right?
But over time, all these rocks get thrown into your soil, your good soil, over a lifetime. And they start to bury themselves in your soil because we don’t want to look at the rocks. They hurt their wounds, their shame, their guilt. So the rocks through life, the storms come, the rain comes, the wind comes of life and it buries the rocks deeper and deeper and deeper into our soil.
And finally they’re out of sight out of mind and we’re like, okay, whew. I can move on with my life. That girl is finally gone. I’m finally done with that relationship. Meanwhile, what we don’t realize is that the rocks are still there and they’re just festering, but more than festering rocks, metaphorically, these rocks grow over time, time, doesn’t heal all things.
That’s a lie, forgiveness, heals, all things, God heals, all things. Time does not time typically makes things worse, right? So that’s very important to understand. So these rocks are in your soil and over time, they’re just sitting there and growing and growing and growing and left on a dress. Those little pebbles become stones, and then they grow and grow and grow into boulders.
And by the time you notice them, because now they’re boulders and they’re starting to raise to the surface. You’re like, oh crap. Like I have this big problem. I need to address. I have massive anxiety. I have massive depression. I’m drinking all the time. I’m addicted to porn, et cetera, boulders. By the time you see them, they’ve grown to such a, a huge capacity and mass that they’re too heavy for you to lift out of your own soil.
So by the time you actually want to do something about them, you can’t, your strength is not sufficient, right? So you need God to take him out. God’s power is sufficient. God’s power is enough. Therapy is good. Counseling is good, but many of you have tried it yet. You’re still dealing with the same rocks years later.
Yeah, because they’re still in the soil. Only God can get them out. So we’re going to talk about that today, but let me fully answer your question. There’s several types of rocks. I’ve identified that kill most Christian men, all men in general, but first rocks.
But before you jump into that, let’s take a quick break.
Then we’ll come back and we’ll roll through that list. And I love the analogy that, that you set up right there. You’ve painted a, such a great picture and I’m envisioning these rocks. I’m ready. I’m ready to hear the next part. So we’ll be right back
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all right, guys, we’re back here with Joseph that he just went through the big rocks and you guys may have them in your head. I know I got them in my head and I was thinking about the gardening work that I do for my wife every year and cleaning the land out. And I’m picking up these big boulders and, but I do that so she can produce some wonderful.
And I noticed where Joseph is getting us to. So Joseph, you, you, you said there is a list of seven that you refer to as rocks here. So what are they
22:04 Joseph Warren
awesome before I give you the seven types of rocks? I just want to finish and complete that metaphor. Okay. So here you are, your whole life rocks have been thrown in your soil.
The enemy through rocks, people throw rocks. You’ve thrown rocks at yourself. The rocks have submerged deep into the soil. And over time they grew, uh, from little pebbles to stones to now boulders, they may look like addictions. They may look like serious vices, uh, destructive behavior, anger that in a rage you’re just explosive.
You’re yelling at that little league coach over trivial stuff you’re wearing. T-shirts that say, give me your whistle. Like you got issues, bro. Okay. There’s real rocks going on in your life. So step one, acknowledge you got rocks that need to be dealt with. So what happens again? But good soil in each of us, but now the soil over time has been taking over by the rocks and you’re good.
Rich, fertile, and fruitful soil has become Rocky ground. Right. And Rocky ground think of a desert it’s unusable. It’s not fruitful. It’s useless. So if you feel stuck in your purpose and you’re like, I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel like I’m being used to my full capacity. You’re right. And that’s it clear evidence.
You probably got some big boulders stuck in your soil. Some rocks that God wants out, he wants to set you free and make you fertile again and fruitful again for his kingdom. So here’s the seven types of rocks that kill most men. Thank you for being so patient and waiting. The first type of rock is mental rocks.
We spoke about those, the rocks in the heads. Yeah. Uh, this is the stupid thing that holds you back and keeps you. Okay. So it could be like, I’m not good enough. I’m a piece of crap, right? These types of lies, uh, become rocks. And when we people throw the rocks, the enemy throws the rocks and we take the rocks and we digest them.
We end up internalizing them. So see rocks are external when they’re thrown at us. But when you take it for yourself and repeat the lie back to yourself about yourself, think of like, you’re putting a rock in your mouth and swallowing it. It had no power over you until you set it about yourself. But because you’re made in God’s image and likeness, and God created the entire universe through the spoken word, Jesus Christ.
And you have co-creative abilities because you’re his son made in his image and likeness. You could, co-create your world with your words, your spoken words. So when you speak those words out loud, I’m a piece of. You literally digest or rock into your own soil, right? So mental rocks, the next rocks are shame.
Rocks, shame, rocks are those deep wounds from the past trauma and abuse, uh, that are sabotaging all your present relationships and your future relationships. Some of you men were hurt as children. Some of you terrible things were done to you and you have guilt and shame. I know of one gentlemen, dad, not to go horrific, but jeez, I mean, what this man went through when he was a boy innocent boy, playing with some, you know, moose, a new neighborhood, the neighbors invite them out, Hey, you want to go to the cemetery or whatever.
And we’re going to like, uh, play some things that shoot some things or whatever. Okay. Okay. He wants to make friends, they bring him to the cemetery and these group of older boys rape him
and then tell him he’s got.
’cause, you know, why’d you enjoy it, right? Like they like just lies of the enemy, evil, pure, evil, and then tell them that we’re going to kill you. And we’re going to bury you here. And they brought a shovel and they have him start digging his own grave or, and praise God that some adult walked was walking through the graveyard at that time.
And he ran at that moment and got away and God spared his life. Think of the rocks that, that young boy is carrying now for the rest of his life. Am I gay?
And my terrible, why did God allow that? Think of the S the, the internal dialogue that he had as a team? As a young man in college, how that interrupted or disrupted his relationships with girls, that one occurrence, this is what we’re talking about. Shame, shame, rocks. He did nothing wrong, but the shame is on him.
Right? Many of you men have shame rocks. You’re carrying in your backpack and you move them from one side of your back to the other, but you never put them down. Well, you never give them up to God. The third type of rock, deadly rock that kill most men is business rocks, business rocks. Right? So think of imposter syndrome, right?
You’re a fraud. Everyone’s going to find out. You don’t know what the heck you’re doing. Hey, Chris, you and I were podcasters. Well, let’s be clear. Year one, two and three don’t we feel like frauds when we’re building our shows or like, I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m just hoping that it’s working.
Everybody’s going to find out I have no clue what I’m doing. True. True. That’s true. Okay. Imposter pasta syndrome. It’s one of the biggest, uh, rocks out there in the business world. Uh, I get to interview a lot of people on my other business show and I’ve interviewed a successful business people that just did a hundred thousand and, uh, I’ve had guests that did 250 million last year and they all struggle with imposter syndrome.
Yeah, no, one’s immune to it. Same way. Yeah, you, you get it right. Self doubt. Right? Self doubt. Second guessing every decision in your business. So many of us do this. Yes. Um, procrastination. Right. Just start, stop, start, stop. Start. Right. And we just do these false starts when we don’t see things through, we don’t complete them.
We don’t know, got to get it to this point. If I get it at this point, I’ll be okay. That point just keeps moving
28:41 Joseph Warren
down and down. Okay. Horizon. It’s like chasing a sunset. You’ll never obtain it. Yup. So procrastination. Um, and then the lone Wolf, the lone Wolf, uh, man, I was the lone Wolf in business. Right?
19 years old, we did over $2 million in 12 months, right out the gate. I had business partners, but man, I didn’t act like it. Yeah. It was all about me and everybody follow me. And I had a team of 50 people follow Joseph, look at Joseph, is it Joseph? Great. I had a lot of rocks going on. The lone Wolf man thinks he can do everything himself.
Now, many of you, men listening right now. You have lone Wolf since. I think I might’ve just created that, that term, Chris, uh, you have lone Wolf syndrome. You have LWS and maybe you’re not just doing in your business. Maybe you’re doing it at home. You refuse to ask for help, even though you need it, even though your family, your marriage is being destroyed right in front of your hives, you see it, you don’t want it, but you won’t do anything about it.
Right? Instead you go to drinking, maybe drugs, maybe porn to self-sooth. I get it. It’s not your fault, but God doesn’t want you to stay there. Right. All right. The fourth type of rock is marriage rocks, right. We just kind of leaned into that. This is the real reason you’re losing intimacy with your wife.
And it’s mostly because you’re trying to control.
Unconsciously come on. We’re men let’s get real unconsciously. Don’t you want everyone to think the way you do to see the world the way you do,
because you obviously know what’s best. Come on. Right? Let’s be real. I know
I do. You’re just like you read me like a book, Joseph, this is getting kind of scary, man.
30:52 Joseph Warren
It’s getting kind of scary. I got crystal ball into your heart. That’s it. All right. So we got marriage rocks, man. We’re controlling our wives and we do it in this passive aggressive way.
I get to coach a lot of type a alpha males that are hyper successful, super high achievers in business. Crushing it. 7, 8, 9 figures. Well, that’s a strength in business at home. It’s destructive. It’s destructive. Their need to control helps them a lot in business at home. It destroys the ones. They love it.
Crushes them. You say, honey, gag, you go ahead and plan the trip. I know I have one client. He goes, Joseph, you know, uh, I left my wife, picked the family vacation every year, but the entire time we’re there, I’m complaining and griping because things aren’t going my way, the way I planned it in the schedule, et cetera.
And I had no idea I’m trying to control the entire thing. And then when it doesn’t go my way, I’m blowing up on them. My anger’s coming out. My rage is coming out. Joseph. I’m a little control freak, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. So am I, so are you yeah. We’re just in denial at the time. Okay. So Maverick rocks, uh, the fifth type of rock destructive rock is parenting rocks.
We’re doing it with our kids. Let’s be real. Uh, this is why you feel dad guilt, a dad, guilt, and why you’re not stepping up as a father, right? So many of you are working so much so hard, your workaholics, and you’re doing it all in the name of your wife and kids. I’m doing it for you, honey. I’m doing it for you kids.
How come? You’re not grateful. When I walk in the door at 9:00 PM, how come you’re not so excited to see me and dad, thank you for all the hard work you did today. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made for me, dad, bro, you got it wrong. Your kids don’t want your provisions. Sure. They need it, but they don’t want it.
They want your presence.
And if you’re gone 8, 9, 10, 12, 15 hours a day, you’re losing them and you may never get them back. And things may look okay right now for a moment for this little stage of their life. But when their brains fully develop and they look back and go, man, dad was never there for me. Dad missed this in my life.
Dad missed that in my life. Screw you, dad. I want nothing to do with you. You didn’t want nothing to do with me. Parenting rocks. Uh, number six is fitness rocks, fitness rocks. Come on. Do when I turned 40 Chris, I was like, man, I’m not going to be like a 40 year old. There’s no way I’m too prideful. I’m like, I’m not going to let my body go to crap.
I’m just. I made a commitment to my wife, Connie, I will never have a dad bod never. And if you ever see one coming on, you call me out and I’m, I’m going to handle that thing. I’m a control because I’m a little control freak. Right. And, and dude, 40 was good. 41. I was like, yeah, man, I’m still ripped. And shredded.
And Jack, look at these other guys, come on, I’m going to embarrass bruh. Right. And then I hit 42, 43. And all of a sudden my body started yelling back at me. And I started to look in the mirror one day and I saw a dad bod almost in full effect. Yeah. And I was like, where did you come from? It was like an enemy crept into my house and intruder.
How did you get in here? Right. And I’m looking down at my, my navel, can’t see my junk anymore. And I’m like, what the hell? Fitness rocks. Why you keep putting the weight back on and you’re slowly killing yourself, brother. Yeah. You’re letting it all go to pieces. Remember, your body is a temple of the holy spirit you’re made in God’s image and likeness.
Think about like having a church. And there’s one guy who has a church on one side of the street and another one that has one on the other side of the street, and one keeps his beautiful, it looks like a cathedral on the inside. It’s always well kept. The artwork is stunning. It’s incredible. And when you walk in, you’re inspired.
You’re like, wow. I feel God here. I see God here. I want to be around God here in this temple, in this church. And then you go to the other one and it’s overrun and it’s just graffitied up. And it’s like, the walls are cracked and it’s busting and the paint is old and it’s just uncanny. This is what a dad bot is.
And you don’t see God there at all. You don’t feel God there at all. Well, your life brother is the gospel. Your life is meant to be your evangelization, right? People look at you and they either see God in you and they are drawn to God through you or they’re repelled. So I want each of you right now to look down wherever you are sitting or standing.
Can you see your junk right now, or is it hidden under a mountain?
If there is, you may have some fitness rocks. Okay. And, uh, Chris, here’s the good news. You could get rid of them. Okay. I did in two weeks, first off, I asked for help. I went to my Marine Corps, buddy. Uh, he’s a Marine Colonel 30 years just retired and now he does full health coaching with his wife. And this guy is.
He’s 50. Uh, he’s just shredded. He’s just like the epitome of health right over 40. And I’m just like, bro, I don’t know what I’m doing here. I did up until 43 and now my body does is, has got its own imagination here. Like what do I do? And I went on a two week fitness program with him and I got rid of my dad bought it and I’ve kept it off since that was a year and a half ago, two years ago.
All right. So it’s possible. The, uh, seventh type of rock is spiritual rocks. Spiritual rocks. I feel are the most destructive of all the rocks. Why? Because your soul is on the line, which means your eternity is at risk. You can’t take your body with you. Whether you die with a dad bod or a ripped pod, it stays in the dirt.
It’s going in the ground. It’s going in the ground. But your soul, that is who you are right. Made in God’s image and likeness. He’s a spiritual being. So, uh, you, you, you were made for eternity, my friend, this is why you feel disconnected from God and lost in your purpose. You got spiritual rocks going on. I spoke of some of mine, right?
I saw God as a Thai radical, uh, God, a dictator, one to run away from. I had spiritual rocks that blocked me in my relationship with God. I ran away from him rather than to him. I didn’t grow with him. I grew away from him apart from him. So you probably have spiritual rock. So again, a recap of the seven deadly rocks, we got mental rock, shame, rocks, business rocks, marriage rocks, parenting rocks, fitness rocks, and spiritual rocks.
Brother. Which of these rocks are you carrying right now? Right?
Because there’s probably, if you guys, if you answered this, honestly, no, there’s probably one or one of those rocks in each one of our pocket. You know, and they’re going to weigh us down. And the good part about, you know, where we’re going with this conversation, we’re here to inspire you, to give you some ideas, to understand and process these rocks.
Joseph has ways to do that too. So we’ll go, Joseph, if it’s go, we’re gonna take a quick break and then we’ll come back and we’ll ask you, how can you help us unpack and, and, and blow those rocks up and get them out of our life.
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All right, guys, we’re back here with Joseph Warren. He just humped back those seven rocks and go to the show notes. We’re going to have them in there for you guys as well. Cause we really want you to, to think about those because you have to understand them these areas before you can actually improve them.
So Joseph, with that being said, you know, how can these Christian men, the lions out there that are listening acne move from understanding that anger and those rocks to actually processing it.
41:02 Joseph Warren
Awesome. So let’s first discuss what some common strategies, right? These, these are here’s what most men do with their rock.
Whichever of the seven that they have. Right. These are common strategies, however, they’re high risk strategies. Okay. Okay. I mean, if you do these strategies or you’ve done these strategies, uh, you’re heading towards impending doom. Okay. Okay. All right, brothers, listen up. All right. So the first strategy, common strategy, most men do nothing.
Let it lie. Let it lie. It will go away over time. It will get better. I’m working on it. That’s right. That’s right. You know what? Yeah, you’re right. I need to, I need to fix that. Yep. Yep. I’ll work on that next month. Next month. Next year. And then the other rock of procrastination comes in and takes over.
That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. All right. Uh, what else? Another strategy, uh, deny you have rocks, which you talk about what’d you do, man. I got rocks, bro. You got rocks, man. Screw you. That’s right. Give me the whistle, right? Uh, another common strategy most men do is we refuse to ask for help. Yeah, you’re right.
I have rocks pride, but I got to carry it myself. It’s my load. It’s my cross. I’ll feel bad on my own pride, pride, pride, pride, which is the biggest of all the rocks. Yeah. Uh, we spoke about this. Try to work on their rocks by themselves, the lone Wolf. Right. I got work bros. That’s right. You’ve been doing it for years.
How’s it going? How’s it going?
Yeah, that’s right. I got this. What are you talking about? I got this. Well, how long
42:58 Joseph Warren
do you want it? That’s right. That’s right. All right. Uh, another common strategy men go to therapy to learn how to manage and cope with their rocks, but not ever eliminate them. Right. So you learn effective strategies in therapy of how to carry the rocks in a way that doesn’t cripple you, right?
So you manage them, you get by, but where you made by God, your maker, your creator, your father, to just get by under this payload of crushing weight. Now God wants you free, free from all the rocks, right? And, and we’re going to blast them. God’s gonna blast him for you. Uh, another common strategy, men’s self medicate to numb the pain.
They self medicate to numb the pain. I’ve had many clients come to me and they’re addicted to marijuana. They’re addicted to prescription, uh, drugs, medications, they’re addicted to alcohol. They’re addicted to porn. These are four of the most common ways that men self-soothe. When they have a problem, they don’t know how to fix, or they have a rock.
They cannot lift by themselves, which ends up doing what, creating more rocks, right? Crushing yourself more, uh, two more common strategies. Men give up, they quit and accept their impending doom. You’ve seen men like this in your life. They’re just walking around with their heads down, looking at the ground, going through life, defeated, a beaten, defeated.
They got the lion kicked out of them. Right? There’s no lion left in them. There’s no RA they gave up. And then in the last common strategy, divorce, divorce. Yeah. With the marriage rocks, especially, uh, we lose everything and everyone, everybody that you’ve ever worked for. Yup. They gone, you gotta start over.
Right. So these are common strategies, very high risk strategies, but the you’re doing one of Umbro. Which one are you doing right now? But I have a new strategy for you. You’re welcome. All right. Let’s set a strategy, a strategy. It’s a God’s strategy. Um, so first we got asked, like, what rocks are you dealing with right now?
Are you dealing with addiction? You deal with loneliness. You’re dealing with self doubt, dealing with guilt, shame, porn, anger, blame trauma, just the pain, a lifetime of pain, chronic disappointments. That was a huge rock for me. Things not going my way. Well, I’m going to teach you how to blast all these rocks.
Like gone, blast them to smithereens once and for all. Okay. All right. That’s what’s great. So, first off I got to ask your audience. Would you like. Chris, you could speak on their behalf. I’m going
to tell you what I can’t imagine if you’re listening to the line within us and you’re going to say no, I’m good.
Know, I think at this point we need help.
46:11 Joseph Warren
We need help. Right. And let me tell you what happens when you don’t handle these rocks. Sorry, Chris, I gotta press on the pain just a little more because some men aren’t getting it yet. They’re not, they’re sitting there in the like, oh, I hear you. No, no, I got those, but it’s going to work out.
It’s going to work out. I got faith in God. I’ve been praying about it for years. Like, God’s got me, God’s got me. Yeah. But you may not be doing it the right way. You know, God wants to set you free, but you got to ask him the right way and you gotta be show up with a contrite heart. Right. And not a victim hood.
This is very important. All right. So what would be the impact if you did nothing? So I want you to think right now, What percentage of your full potential are you currently living right now? A hundred percent, 80%, 50%, 20%. What will it cost you in the next year to keep living at say 20% or 50% of your full potential?
What will it cost you and lost income in your quality of life, in your relationships and your marriage on fulfilled dreams? There’s a tangible price tag here, gentlemen, there really is. All right. So I want you to write down a literal dollar amount. It’s going to cost you over the next 12 months. If you do nothing right now with about your rocks.
Would you like some help calculating, I’m gonna go here real quick. The average cost research shows the average cost of getting divorced in the U S is $15,000 in legal fees. Okay. Plus, you’re going to pay 40 to 60% of your gross income for alimony and child support for the next five to 10 years. Ouch.
The more money you make, the more you’re going to pay, and you could lose half a more of your shed assets gone, and you could pay thousands of dollars for therapy and counseling, just to manage the negative, emotional and psychological effects of divorce on your children and yourself. After just five years, a typical, a typical divorce could easily cost you $100,000 or more do the math.
You’ll see what I’m saying is true. A hundred thousand dollars a more, bro. I want you to like, imagine getting out your checkbook and writing a check for a hundred thousand dollars or more and handing it to your rocks. Significant, significant. Yeah. All right. So there’s two ways. Um, you know, listen, I don’t know why you’re here and why you’re listening to Chris’s show today other than his charismatic personality and his handsome chiseled.
Good looks. What I want you to understand. I do have jokes, but I want you to understand this one thing you can go from angry and stressed and beat down by your rocks to peace and purpose in just 90 days or less, you can, there’s two ways. Um, and I’m going to tell you the first way is by trial. Trial and error.
It’s a slow and painful way. This is the way I did it for sure. Um, because I didn’t know any better. I blind spots. You don’t know what you don’t know right at the time. Right? I wouldn’t recommend this though. It was painful, exhausting and very costly. Um, and it took a long time. Uh, the second is by using a proven system.
Uh, but before I tell you about it, let me tell you who this is not for. All right. And I want you to put your hands up and be honest with yourself right now, gentlemen, this is not for my systems now, for those who are lazy, I made this as simple as possible, but it will take some work. So if you’re lazy and you’re not doing it willing to do the work, you want someone else to fix, you fix your situation.
This is not for you, right? If you’re waiting for someone else to save you, not for you. Number two, if this is going to take food off your. I don’t want you to get it. Like for real, some of you have financial rocks, right? Let’s be real. Your business rocks. I’ve turned into financial rocks and you’re barely getting by.
You’re not my guy. Don’t listen to my free content. Absolutely. Get your financial rocks out, you know, get some footing under you. Um, then maybe you’re ready. Right? Because as we know, if you want to grow, you got to put skin in the game. There’s real, there’s real cost of not doing anything, but there’s less cost if you do something, but there’s still a cost.
There’s an investment. There’s a price to pay. Uh, this is not for guys who want to talk about their rocks, but do nothing to get rid of them. So if you find coping and managing with your rocks and you got this and it’s working, but not really, but you’re okay with that. You’re comfortable and complacent.
And then last men who complain blame, refuse to take personal responsibility for their part in creating their own mess breast. This used to be me. I used to blame everyone else for my situation. It’s their fault. If only they did this, they didn’t do this. Then I would have, or not have. And I wouldn’t own my part in it.
When I finally took responsibility and extreme ownership, man, things started to shift. So when you’re ready, Chris, I’m gonna, uh, walk your guys through, um, what that actually looks like the seven steps for mastering anger and stress.
Yeah, absolutely. Let’s take one more quick break then we’ll jump right back into that, Joseph.
All right guys, we’re back, you know, you know how these rocks have impacted you. He definitely defined, you know, who he’s trying to help and who he’s trying to serve here. So Joseph Mohammed right back. What are the seven steps.
52:45 Joseph Warren
All right. So the seven steps for mastering your anger and your stress ready?
You don’t take notes. Well, you’re not going to remember it cause you got rocks in your head and they’re going to make you forget everything. So right. Write this down. Hit replay. Listen to the show a few times. All right. The first step is number one, we spoke of, you got to take outrageous ownership, outrageous ownership.
And this I’m just going to read this right from my book. You gotta say to yourself, I take extreme ownership for the life that I’ve created. No one else is to blame I face and embrace the consequences of my decisions. And I will not try to escape my life ever again. I’m going to lean in and change it, and I’m not going to do it alone.
Stop running from your own life. Stop running from your rocks stop. You’re a son of God. The father you’ve been given authority to smash these rocks, to destroy the enemy, to protect your wife and your children, and to build up God’s kingdom, you’re not meant to run. And the running is what’s causing most of your stress because your heart knows it’s wrong.
It’s causing most of your anxiousness, your anxiety, because it’s not aligned with what God has meant for you. It’s outrageous ownership, outrageous ownership, step two, radical responsibility, radical responsibility. I will do whatever it takes to create workability in all areas of my life. And I accept that no one is coming to save me brothers.
When you get. You got to do something now. That’s right. That’s
right. So you
54:45 Joseph Warren
right now, there’s only one savior we all have and his name is Jesus. But the funny thing I’ve learned in my spiritual journey, Chris, maybe you can relate is that God does not help me and come to my rescue until I’ve exhausted all my own resilience.
I’ve exhausted all my own sweat and I’ve taken action. As far as my abilities are capable of. And when I finally run out of self right self, then God swoops in and gives me the outcome and the result. That’s good. That’s best so that he could take the glory. Not me. Cause everyone else saw Joseph bran out.
He was on fumes and he was like a car on the side of the road smoking with flat tires. Right. And then all of a sudden he’s at the finish line. Well, shoot, Joseph didn’t do that. God did that. That’s right. Right. So radical responsibility. Number three, step three, loving leadership, loving leadership leadership.
I have a three word definition for leadership men. When you get this, it will change the way you show up with your people. Whether at home or at work leadership means I go first. It means you go first. You go first. No one else. You go first. I will put myself at risk. Not my wife, not my kids, not my parents, not my siblings, not my friends, not my employees.
I will go first and I will do it today. Let that penetrate. This is what Jesus did. He modeled leadership. He went to the cross first, right? He didn’t hesitate. He did set up a human brand to his heavenly father saying, Hey dad, can I get out of, uh, you know, uh, get out of jail, free card here. But if it’s your will, I want that.
Right. And then he faced Jerusalem face like Flint and walked into his destiny. That’s right. That’s leadership. That’s masculinity. That’s what your wife and your children awaiting to see in you, right? There’s a cost either. You’re going to take the hits for your family, or you’re going to watch your wife take the hits, or you’re going to watch your kids take the hits, man.
The AF flop, it’s you that God put the responsibility. Right. You are the shield for the family. God’s the shield for you. Did you get that beautiful? You are the shield for your family. God is the shield for you. Stop asking and making your wife go first. Oh, she’s more spiritual than me, Joseph. She’s just really good at those things.
Leading the prayers and stuff, you know? Great. I’m glad she’s good at those things, but she’s not responsible for them. God said you are right. She’s not going to answer for those things. You are. You think you’re going to show up to the gates of heaven and say, well, God, you know, I asked my wife to do a better job and she just didn’t do a better job.
I don’t know what to say. God’s going to know what to say. He’s going to get it. That’s right. Is going to get it. And you’re going to get it, bro. All right, Steph. Spiritual surrender, spiritual surrender. This was one of the most incredible things I’ve ever done in my life. Also one of the most difficult I give God total and complete control over my business and my family.
I am only responsible for my actions and my inaction, all outcomes and results along to God, not me. All outcomes and results belong to God. Not me. Most of your stress brother is coming from you trying to control the outcomes in the situations of your life. And you can’t because it doesn’t belong to you.
It belongs to God and you’re not God. And he is. So when you steal from God steal control from the creator of the universe, you’re going to get stressed the bleep out, and it’s not going to. And that lack or loss of control you’re going to feel. And the frustration you’re going to feel is going to cause stress and anxiety in you.
And it’s going to build into big, massive rocks. Spiritual surrender is the key. This is what Jesus taught us to lay down our ego, to lay down our pride, to lay down our control at the feet of the cross and say, God, I can’t do this. I need you to do this. I’m willing to do the work. Show me the steps. I will run into the arrows for my family, right.
But I need to know which direction to run God. That’s right. This is what guys waiting for sons to show up like this masculine step five bold belief, bold belief. I place all my trust. Unreservedly in God’s Providence and biblical promises. The king of the universe is my father. It is unreasonable for me to doubt, complain or worry about the future.
When the king of the universe is my father, it’s unreasonable. So for all of you that chronic worry, chronic depression, chronic anxiety, that all comes from trying to control the future and impending doom and outcomes and results that don’t belong to you, which goes back to spiritual surrender. But after you spiritually surrender to God, then you must boldly believe in his biblical promises that he will take over your life, that he will bring good plans, plans for good and not for harm for you and your family and your business.
You have to boldly believe it and put it on the line and say, God, I surrendered. I did what you asked. Now you need to come through on your own. And you said here, like if I earnestly seek the kingdom and it’s in your righteousness, all these things will be given to me, meaning you’re going to take care of my bills.
You’re going to take care of my wife. You’re going to take care of my, my kid. Right? You’re going to take care of all these things. My focus needs to be on you. I show up and do the actions in these areas of my life. But man, you got this. Thank you, God. Thank you. In advance for the miracles. You’re about to bring into my life, Chris, when I started praying and acting and believing that way God took over.
Oh yeah, for sure.
1:01:45 Joseph Warren
Right. And then same for all my clients. Uh, step six, we’re getting there gentlemen. Powerful, perseverance, powerful perseverance. Listen. There’s two things you need to understand about God. One you need to align with God’s will. Okay. Most of you don’t know what it is. That’s because you’re not spending time with him and asking him all right.
And then to after, you know, God’s will you must align with God’s timing, both are required, right? Yeah. That’s the hard part. Well, I’m a little control freak, man. And I’m a yesterday kind of guy like, let’s get it done yesterday. Right? Instant gratifications. We live in, we want everything past. That’s not how God works in the spiritual realm.
So powerful, perseverance. I wait patiently on the Lord to bring me his best as I wait. I am brave and courageous, trusting that God will not fail me to receive God’s best. I must pass the test to receive God’s best. I must pass the test. Yeah. Wait patiently on the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes. Wait patiently on the Lord.
This is what God’s word says to us. Why do you think it says, wait, patiently on the Lord twice? Cause we’re not patient
1:03:14 Joseph Warren
not patient. Right. Well, what am I doing in the meantime while it’s right in the middle? It’s a sandwich. Right? Right. Be brave and courageous. Right? That’s what God says. Be brave and courageous.
Meaning be still, no, I am God that takes bravery to, to not take action when you’re a little control freak and to just wait on God, like that takes courage, be brave and courageous. All right. That’s powerful. Perseverance. And then the final step in mastering your anger and your stress. Gentlemen is eager.
Expectation, eager expectation. I expect only good things from God because I am his son and he loves me. I expect miracles because I believe that everything is possible with God. And then I can do all things through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. Let’s go, let’s go. Let’s go eager expectation. Gentlemen, let’s run through a real quick recap.
So step seven steps for mastering anger and stress. Step one, outrageous ownership, radical responsibility, loving leadership, spiritual surrender, old belief, powerful perseverance, an eager childlike expectation that your father is good. And he’s got you and he’s got your wife and he’s got your kids and he’s got your family.
Now you got to show up and get with him, right? Those are my seven steps. Ask me anything.
Yo, this I’ll tell you what for guys and what you, when you tuned in and you were trying to understand and process that anger, you may not know what you’re going to be getting into, but Joseph, you brought the house.
My friend, this was beautiful. I mean, because just the way you started it off with the rocks and helping us understand what those. Because I’m with you. So many guys, they even an iCoach with they burial it’s buried. We don’t think about it. And then when we bring them up den what we don’t know how to, how to actually approach that.
So I love the seven steps. I think this has been a, just a masterful way that you outline this, that you’re serving other people that you’re really trying to help these men get better. And I can’t. Thank you enough. I’m curious for, for the lions out there that are listening, where do you want them to go?
Where should they go to learn more, to connect with you, uh, to, to, to get your resources? We’ll make sure we have all those links are in the show notes for our listeners, but just curious, is there a website or is there somewhere that you’d like to point people to?
1:05:47 Joseph Warren
Sure. Thank you for the invite. Uh, so if you resonated with today’s topic, if you’ve clearly identified rocks and I’ve helped you to do that in your own life, and you’re finally ready to take action.
And you want these rocks gone permanently. You don’t want to just live with them, cope with them. Uh, find ways to manage them, but you want them blasted out and you want God’s help in the matter. And you’re ready to trust him and to surrender to him. And I’ll teach you how to do that. The actual system that I have that works for all my clients, where they get miracle results in their lives.
Marriages are saved. Kid relationships with their children are restored after 10 years of being absent fathers. Like these types of miracles. If you want these things to happen in your life, then I’m about to launch a group coaching program for you. Gentlemen, it’s called blow up rocks, right? Blow approx.
That’s what we’re going to do. Let’s be real. We don’t like hearing. We have rocks, but man, we show a, like to hear that we could go blow those things up. We’d like little boys. We want to push things up. We wanted the story things right now. Maybe the rocks would destroy. It’s time for you to destroy the rocks.
So we’re going to blow up those rocks together. I’m going to help you. And I’m a lead a cohort of men through this over the next 12 months is going to be a 90 day spiritual bootcamp. What we get right into it. And we blast the rocks for 90 days. That’s the demolition part of it. And then we’re going to do nine months of, uh, coaching into peace and into purpose.
Really getting clear on your calling. But first we got to get rid of the rocks. That’s why you’re in. You don’t know your purpose. That’s why you’re not aligning with God’s plan. So we’re going to clear out the rocks. God’s going to help you do it. And then we’re going to get you to move you into your peace and into your purpose for your family.
It’s going to be tremendous. Um, so you could go find out more about firstname.lastname@example.org. If you are a guy that says, Hey, Joseph, I think you’re my coach. I want to do one-on-one group is cool, but man, I want the one-on-one. I want the past of the bat. Well, then go to free purpose call.com free purpose call.com.
And you could schedule a one-on-one coaching call with me. And we’re going to speak about your rocks. You’re going to identify the rocks on the call. We’re going to get clear on whether or not we want to work together. You and I, right. And that’s a, that’s a larger investment. That’s one-on-one that’s my time, bro.
Right. But if finances are a little somewhere in between, you got some rocks going on there. Maybe the group coaching is for you so up Brock’s dot com or free purpose call.com.
Nice, nice. And be sure to check out the show notes. Guys, we’ll have the links there too. You can go directly to that connect with Joseph.
And the question that I want to leave you with is just thinking about what triggers anger in your life. You know what I mean? And guys is meaning that the rocks that Joseph talked about today, I’m sure they have some triggers that are coming to mind. So if question now is going to be, what are you going to do about it?
How are you going to respond? Joseph, my friend, thank you so much for coming on to that. I really enjoyed learning from you and just for all the wisdom and insight that you brought,
1:09:00 Joseph Warren
Chris, you’re a fantastic host. Uh, thank you for you and for your community, your audience. Um, and may God be glorified through our conversation today?
May he transformed the heart of one man? One, man, that’s the hope. And if you’re listening right now, God is tapping your heart brother, man, take action. Take action in a powerful way. That scares you a little, right? God wants you. He’s ready for you. Let’s go.
So guys go out there, share this conversation, you know, text it to, to, to your brothers right now, you know, get it out there, let them hear Joseph’s message, but the way he’s trying to serve others.
So send that text message. Go to the line within.us, check out all the resources there to Bible. Study the way to connect with us as well. Get that five star rating and review gas. Go out. Manage that anger, hit it, head on and unleash the lion within.
Joseph refers to the items that build up anger in our lives as rocks and he unpacks each rock including areas to be aware of in case they are prevalent in your life. The rocks are:
Once they are identified we must move from understanding the anger to actually process it? The steps he unpacks here are:
- Outrageous Ownership
- Radical Responsibility
- Loving Leadership
- Spiritual Surrender
- Bold Belief
- Powerful Perseverance
- Eager Expectation
As you move forward in your journey anger may creep in from time to time. The key is identifying when it starts to raise it’s head and then addressing it directly. This is an encouraging message with may tips to help you be the leader you are predestined to be.
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