In this episode:
what you DO is far more important than what you SAY.
Chris unpacks areas that Lions should consider when raising their cubs. There is a children’s song called “O be careful little eyes” that really hits home. In that song it walks through what kids see, say, hear, do and go. It is a Christian song as it is referencing that God is always watching and looking down from above.
It's up to us men leading our families. To fight on their behalf. Take this seriously. Lean into this and take on the armor of God and lead your Cubs well. Click To TweetChris Grainger
Uh, we have to keep that in mind, right? We they’re always watching us now, the verse of the week, first Timothy three, four, he must be one who manages his own household. Well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. That’s a big, big verse manage our own household. Well, keeping kids under control with our own dignity, with all dignity that sometimes I don’t know about.
We’re just trying to make it through the day, you know, and if we can make it through today and no, no, nobody gets hurt. There’s a, you know, no catch up in the hair or whatever. Right. I mean, just think about there’s so much when you’re managing your family and you’re trying to run and do the best job you can.
So, you know, I wanted to talk today about several ideas, but mainly I want you to think about this golly, man, we need to remember. That arms kids. They’re always watching us and we have to set the example for what, what we want them to follow. And our expectations come from us. You know, I was even talking to him two to a brother of mine.
I love him to death. I was talking about this episode. He’s like, you know what truth is? I’m failing and redirecting my parenting approach on a daily basis. And my response back to him. Brother. We all are, you know, and God bless him. I think he is such an, uh, a godly man that way he Lee, he’s got four beautiful, wonderful kids.
They’re just always doing stuff together. Just, I mean, definitely he has his hands full they’re all under 11, I believe. And, but you know what? They know their dad is there. They know their dad, they can count on their dad. Their dad gives them permission to fail. Their dad’s always trying to find ways to have adventures with them and do things and just to be there for them.
So, you know, guys, we’re gonna talk about today. Just some things that you didn’t think about as you’re raising your kids to really show them the golly man that you are. Okay. The first let’s talk about raising boys. Now, this is an area that is that I can’t necessarily say I have experienced with, cause I have all girls.
I am a man. So I was once a boy. Right. So I’ll go back. I think about often what my dad, the way he, the way he approached things with me and my brother. Right. And the big thing that I remember growing up, they just allowed us to be boys. And I feel like that is shit. That’s such a simple statement, but we’ve gotten away from that right.
In our culture, but it’s okay for boys to be boys. It’s okay for her to go out into the woods and build. And it’s okay for them to have some adventures and to go play in the Creek. Yeah. I mean, there’s just, obviously we need to keep them safe, but boys are boys and God made boys separate for girls. For reason, there are different personalities, there are different traits.
And if we try to suppress that and try to reel it down, we’re harming that young boy. We really are. Now there is times where we do need to control it, right? Boys can’t be going crazy. You know, sitting, uh, sitting at church, right. Or certain environments sitting in school. They can’t just be, you know, going wide open, but at the same time, we need to recognize they need outlets.
They need Alice to go out and be man to learn how to be a man to grow, to start growing up. And I’ll tell you what, there’s one person. One person who has the most immense of an impact on a young boy. You know who that one person is. You, you, as the dad has the biggest impact on your son and what he’s going to grow, the things that he’s going to value to beliefs that he holds.
So you need to be careful because those boys they’re watching you. You got to have some fun with them. Get out. And show him what it’s like to Russel and tussle wrestle with them. Okay. Find out what those boys are interested in too, and lean into that. Take them out to it, enjoy that time with them. Right.
I remember very, just so growing up so many different examples of when we got into baseball, you know what we got into baseball. My dad was all in all bases. He read the books back then it was a BC the little VCR tapes. He bought the tapes to learn how to coach baseball and you know what? He was an excellent coach.
He was always there. And I remember he would work a third shift and he’d get off their shift and during the summer, and as soon as he get off, come home, Hey change. And we’d go to the ballpark and we’d spent all day. It felt like all day at the ballpark, because that was important. You know, what a dad instilled in us, you know, what, what values he had, you know, he was always at the game.
So as long as well as my mom, but he was always involved with that. Then we got into camping. I remember that there was a camping, uh, kind of like a little stint of our life, where we started doing that and going out on boats and going fishing. So he was always finding ways as we grow and mature into, to these different things.
Then we transitioned as we got older it’s motorcycles and we, and I really got into motorcycles. He, he was always been a motorcycle guy, so we were able to do that together. I just want the best projects I ever had was I actually wrecked a motorcycle. And then we spent the winter actually, you’re just rebuilding that bike and doing that together.
So, I mean, I think as your kids grow, finding those opportunities, To grow with them because you’re going to grow as a man, but engage them, find ways that’s going to engage him and, and, and lean hands who boys being boys. Right. Embrace that. We need more of that out there. There’s too much of what we’re trying to do.
The lines are getting blurred and this is, we’re not going to get political on the line with that us. We’re not going to do anything like that on let’s go say you what the Bible says. God made man in his own house. You know what you’ll find your adventure, find the adventure, which you’ve built with what your young boy and it’s okay.
Lean into that. So there’s boys now, girls that I can’t talk about this a little bit more with, from a personal experience. Recognize first of all, that girls are not boys. Okay. No, that sounds so simple. But embrace that the most powerful. Th that you can do for your daughters is show them how a Christian man lives his life.
Right? I mean, you are hurt. You are your daughter’s hero. You are that some point you’ll probably become her villain. That’s probably a teenage years. They are rapidly approaching for me now, looking forward to that, but in the younger years, young girls do their dad has it. And then lean into that, but you want to set the example.
You want those young girls to see the way you treat your wife, the way you treat them, the way you treat other women. Right? Cause you’re setting that expectation, that mental picture for your daughter, you are painting it through every engagement that you have with women. Okay. So. You should be treating your wife like a queen and, and honoring her the way the Bible says.
But at the same time, if you are talking about as a female teacher, for instance, and a very derogatory tone, and he isn’t words that, you know, Jesus, wouldn’t be proud of the daughter seeing that too. They need to keep that in mind. You need to be the same man. W the way you treat women, no matter what. It’s so important that your daughter sees that.
Okay. She’s like I said, and her brain, she’s building up to who that man that she ultimately one day will probably want to look for in a partner. You know what guys, it’s important that we are very intentional on setting a good expectation and a good example of how to treat, how to treat a girl. Okay. So.
That’s it for raising boys, raising girls recognize their differences, understand that they are different. God made them that way and that’s okay. And then be the example for both of them at all times. Okay. Bye guys, let’s take a quick break and we’ll jump back into some more tips around how we can lead our Kobes because they’re always watching.
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Now, the next thing I want to talk about here, I want you to think about this. The primary idea is that it’s not so much about what you say. It’s about what you do. And I speak in specifically action actions, over words. Okay. Now it’s one thing we can sit down. We can lead family devotion. We can sit down and have these heart-to-heart conversations with our kids and talk about, you know, life experiences we had growing up.
And how you should do this and how you should do that and how, and, and how I would handle this situation. And that’s great. Thank you. Should do that. Uh, those really are good moments, but at the same time, if you turn around and your actions don’t reflect something that you’ve been talking about, you completely dismissed what th the, the wisdom that you’ve tried to provide in your advice.
Okay. We’ll give you an. Phones, smartphones devices, whatever you want to use. Let’s say you make a rule. And the ant speaking strictly from a conviction where this is happening to me very recently, my daughter called me out on it and we say, you know what, no tablets, there are movie town and we’re going to say, okay, all right, we’re not going to have tablets during movie time.
And you know, this isn’t going to be family time. We’re going to lean in on that movie star. And maybe it’s not capturing my interest the way that I would have hoped. So guess what? Apple, my phone out. I want to check Instagram. I want to look on the line within us. I want to check out our Twitter account, all these things, because you know, well, in my mind, I want to be there for you guys.
I want to be there cause maybe there’s a brother out there needs me, but you know what? That time that is my daughter and my family. And those actions that I take when I pull my phone out and I’m looking at it and I’m engaging in that phone, what I should be enjoying family time watching a movie. She said, she notices that and we’ve talked about it.
It is a very convicting moment. So, you know what, if you’re defining family time, whatever that is, maybe it’s not a movie. Maybe it’s actually going out to dinner. Be. No, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone out to dinner with my wife. We’re going out with our kids and we go to these restaurants. It was this one Mexican restaurant.
We love, we sit down and we look around and next time I want you to do this. Go look around next time. You’re at a restaurant and look and see who’s actually conversing and talking and then look and see how many people, couples, families, whatever it may be out there. Looking at your phone the whole time.
You know what? That’s not the way it’s not right as lions. We need to recognize that our actions speak louder than our words. So if we’re going to walk this Bible and live a godly life, we need to be, it has to come out in the fruit. That is what it’s all about. And if we’re not showing that fruit buddy, you know, adept.
You know that that is completely missing tomorrow and your kids, they’re going to see that. And that leads me to the next point. You need to be the same man, Monday through Saturday that you are on Sunday. Now how’s that sit with you because we can all be dressed up. Maybe put on a nice shirt, go sit down in a pew, listen to a pastor, maybe go to a Sunday school.
You know, have everybody together, you know, we got it together, right. We feel good.
How do we accurate rest of the week? Does the same guy who’s sitting in that pew on Sundays, you know, worshiping God or reading his Bible is to your kids. See that guy Monday through Saturday, outside of a church setting. Here’s one for. Has your kids ever seen you reading your Bible outside of church? If they have it?
Y you know, maybe that’s a deeper question. Maybe you’re not reading your Bible, but if you are, your kids need to see that. Why? Because they need to understand that the Bible is important to you. God’s word, growing as a Christian is important to you. They need to see it. They need to be part of it. They really need to understand.
How your approach is in growing as a Christian. You know what? We’re all at different places. Sometimes we’re baby Christians. Sometimes they’re seasoned Christians wherever, but wherever you are, right where God wants you to be. So be the example, pull that Bible out, let them see you, let them watch you.
But the guy Monday through Saturday needs to be the same guy that’s on Sunday. The language that you use. The way you treat people all that needs to be consistent day in, day out consistency. Now this is a tough one to language. What we speak and what we allow is what they learn. And they’re going to pick up language from other people.
Okay. I get it. I’m not naive. I understand. But you have the biggest, an impact on them. So your language is important, you know, if you use, if you use profanity yes. What your kids they’re going to use profanity. It’s going to happen right now. If you slip, you need to write that in a moment, acknowledge that there was a slip say, you know what?
I shouldn’t have said that. I got frustrated, whatever it is, but make the acknowledgement that that is an exception, not the norm. Then you need to really work on your language, remove it. There’s so many different ways that you can, you can replace words with other words that are, that are what I thought was funny, but they also just bring a lot more lightness to a situation.
You know, there’s, there’s all sorts of ways you can. I I’ll, I’m famous for saying cheese and rice, you know, cause I don’t want to use the word, the Lord’s, uh, vain his name in vain. So I had a coach one time and he would always say cheese and rice and it stuck with me. Right? So it’s just little stuff like that.
But the language that we allow and the language that we speak that is going to make a big impact on those kids, it is so important that we’re very careful on what we say. Now what we allow. Okay. Guests. So you really need to be thinking about the language, how you’re using that. And you know, what, what a language you allow others to say, there’s nothing wrong as a man to stand up and say, you know, if you’re in a situation with another couple or another man, and the language is, is, is, is dropping that you don’t enjoy.
You can, you have a couple of options, you can remove your kids from that situation, or you can actually address. But, Hey, you know what, man, you know, kids here, let’s shift that language up a little bit. Okay. You know what that shows them right there, that you don’t accept it. And that you’re trying to help.
You’re trying to help the whoever you’re engaging with first of all, but you’re showing them what is allowed and what’s not allowed. Okay. All right, guys, let’s take another quick break and we’ll jump back into a few more tips about how we can lead our codes because they’re always white.
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all right, guys. Welcome back here. Now let’s talk about content. Now what we accept from a content stamp. They’re going to thank so is okay. Now that comes down to music. Well, we, what we consume on our TVs, computers, magazines, books, all of these things, anything that we consume, you need to be careful.
There’s a lot of bad out there. You know, we’ve had to make some very hard decisions very recently. Awesome. And so I’m being straight up with you guys. Some of this content was on Disney and we were, we would be in the middle of a series. I think it of two series. I’m not going to call them out right now, messaged me if you want.
I’ll be glad to talk to you about it. You know, on a DM, we were really into the series. They were good. We were enjoying them. They were on Disney and then some areas that, that started sneaking in that I didn’t agree with. And I went to the Bible and Bible didn’t agree. You know what? We had to sit down with our dollars and it’d be like, you know what, guys, we can’t allow this, you know what, and, and were they upset?
Yeah. Cause they were into it too. But I told them I was very open because I hate that we have to do this because I like this show. I’ve gotten into it. I want to see how it’s all going to end. But right here, this scenario, this, the way these things are playing out, that is not accepted. That is not what I want you, you ladies, to, to view as acceptable.
Thus, as the dad, I got to pull the plug on this and you know what they understood and we found on all the show, we found something else, but you had to be in tune you the same way with music. There’s a lot of good music out there. I get it. You know, people listen to country, whatever, rock, all these different music, be careful, all those lyrics.
You need to understand what’s out. At you, it’s your job to set the example. Those kids are watching you. If they’re watching you, you know, I grew up in the eighties and nineties and there are a lot of rap music I listened to in college, but I put some of those CDs in now or, or pull it up on Spotify or whatever Brian, that the smart thing to do, you know, and really, you know, as I grew as a Christian that I don’t need that about.
And you need to be careful because those kids are watching you. So sometimes I’m telling you, even when it’s on Disney or some of these other channels, or you feel like it’s, it’s kid appropriate, you need to be cautious because there’s a lot of ways that safe is slipping, ideals, morals, all these types of things, and to content.
And you need to be careful, YouTube in particular, whatever, and all the way you can do this guys. You need to be intentional. You need to be alert. Can’t be looking at your phone or I’ve already talked about that or just, or, or in another place mentally, you need to make intention to understand what those kids are consuming.
It’s your job. You gotta protect them. Okay. So just that content is key. So get your head on that one second. Next piece. How we treat our spouse. Okay. Girls, your daughter. They’re learning how a husband should treat them. Well, watch how you engage with your wife, sons. If you have boys, they’re learning how to treat their future wise as a watch you, I learned a lot from my dad.
You know, I felt they have a good marriage. They’ve been married for a very long time. They have fun together. They take trips together. They’re always doing stuff together, but I just remember there was always. You could just tell they were in love, you know, and he treated her with respect and there were times, you know, where, where he was step out a lot, you know what, and I learned from that and he we’ve talked about some of those things and I want my daughters to see how I treat my wife.
I want them to understand that, you know, when I take time to be one-on-one with, with my wife is because she deserved. You know, and th the language that I use and my wife, the tone, all those things are so important. You are sending an example. And if you got the, if you got the young boys in your life, they’re watching you, how does he treat mama?
Cause you know, what, how, how you treat their mom, how they’re going to treat their, why you really need to think about that. And maybe that’s one XL, sit on a lot of guys, hard and heavy and. ’cause, you know what? It’s a big responsibility. So treat your wife the way that you want your daughter to be treated or the way that you would want your son to treat his wife.
The big one, big, big one. Now the next piece, how we treat our, our parents or our elders, and we honor them. That needs to be important. We need to make sure we’re very aware and intentional on this topic. Sometimes as grandparents age, you know, it can be very tempting to let language slip, maybe not show them to honor that they deserve to get frustrated.
And all this is part, this is human nature, but at the core, at the core, your kids need to see that she respects your parents is biblical. It is right out of school. They need to understand that. And you know what, anytime that there, that your kids step out of line from a, from respect standpoint, be it for you or be it for another parent, or be it for your grandparents or elders.
You need to check them, you check them hard. There’s not enough checking going on because you know what we want our kids think about, what do we want? We want our kids to grow up to be, you know, contributing members of society. And we also want our kids to be kids that people want to be around. Do they like engaging with so treating our elders and honoring them.
That is a good way. As lions, as we leading our family, that we can step in, we can show our kids, you know what? This is how you treat older person with respect, with dignity, with K. You know, and they’re going to see that they’re don’t see that. So you gotta be intentional here. It’d be just be, you have to be super careful, super careful.
And then the last thing I kind of want to talk about here is the family structure. And this is a big one. Now from a family structure standpoint, you have God, then you have your spouse. Then you have your kids. That’s biblical. You need your kids to understand that you need to have that connotation. You need them to get that rooted in their heart too many times too many families put the kids on a level playing field with the spouse, or we’ll even put them up here with God.
That’s not right. Kids are not up here. They’re below your spouse in the Bible. That’s the structure. We need to honor that your wife is more. Bottom line. She is the most important person. Then come your kids. And if you show them that that’s not giving, that’s not a mean thing. That’s not being cold. That’s actually the most loving thing you can do, because then you’re teaching your kids the biblical way of our family structure, the way God designed it.
And that’s what we need. We need to have more truth, more open and honest conversation with our kids about families. And that’s perfectly fine. So I think we need to do that. We need to lean into that and understand family structure is important. It’s important for your kids to understand how much you love your wife, but it’s also important for them to know how much you love God, how much you worship Jesus, how he is the head of your family.
And then it comes to you, your wife, and then. ’cause I think that’s really important. Those kids, they need to know that Jesus is at the head and it’s not what you do. It’s what, what he desires. Okay. So guys, I know this is a lot, it’s a lot to think about leading our Cubs. I get it. It’s tough. It’s stressful.
There’s a lot coming at us, but I’m here to tell you, as I mentioned earlier, the person who has the greatest impact on your kids, Did you now you can take with that, what you want, but I pray that you take that responsibility. You lean into it and you embrace it because you can make such an impact in your kid’s life.
I want your kids to be four of the holy spirit, full of love of God, understanding of family structure, understanding what is acceptable. What’s not acceptable understanding that I’m a boy. It’s okay to go out here and Russel and tussle and do all these different things. If I’m a girl, this is what shall I expect out of how my dad, my dad should treat my mom, all these things, all these things.
And here’s the thing is happening. You don’t get any off days. That’s the tough part about being a dad. There are no off days, so you gotta have your guard up. You gotta be ready. You have to lean into this every day, lean into it, embrace it because you know what? It’s a blessing. There are so many men out there who don’t have kids and won’t kids.
If you are blessed to have children, you have take the responsibility and lead them. Well, you can. I believe in now, the question that I want you to think about for this week, are you leading your children or is the world of that question? I know it’s hard. That’s a death that really, it hits, it hit me when I wrote it, because how much of the world is impacting my daughters versus me.
And you know what guys together with intentionality, with a plan. With the focus on God with help from him first and foremost, giving us that wisdom. We can lead our family. Cause I won’t tell you what Sade wants your kids. He wants your children. He wants your mayor, your marriage to fail. He wants you to fail, but he is after your kids.
And it’s up to us as men leading our family. The step up to fight on their behalf to take this for real, do not take this lightly battle. Like you never battled before it’s worth it. But the only one that can do it it’s you. But I believe in you so lean into this take on the armor of God. It does scripture and lead your Cubs the way they do.
All right, guys, this is a great, great conversation. I want to hear from you. What’s the most impactful? What are you doing to lead your kids? Because you know what? We’re going to put that out here. We’re going to start some things. We’ll get some communication going. We want to build areas built. Thanks to help us all grow as this community, this coalition of lions grow together.
Now, I want you to also share this with. There’s probably a dad that you’re thinking of right now, text this episode tool, send it to them, share it. Say, you know what, you’re doing a great job. You’re a great dad. I thought about you. As soon as I heard this, that may pick his day up. There may be something that we talked about here that helps him.
And so just, I encourage you share it. Do not keep this in your pocket. Go out there to the line within data, us check our website for our coaching programs and our Bible studies, all the resources we’re building to support you to help you lead your families. We know you are predestined to do great things and it will happen.
We’re just, we are so excited to be along with you on this journey. All right, guys, give that five star rating wider, write a one sentence review. All that stuff really helps that go out this week. Guess what? Your little Cubs around. Th there watching daddy and unleash the lion within.
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As a dad you have so much power and at the same time so much responsibility to shape your children in a responsible way. That can be such a challenge and at the same time is the most rewarding job you will ever have. Whether raising sons, daughters or both how you show up is what shapes them to the people they will be in the future.
Guys, it comes down to the smallest of decisions. What language you use and accept, what content you allow in the home (bad news – you may need to say bye bye to some of the items they love like Disney Plus), how you treat your wife and how you treat your extended family. All of these areas they are watching to see what daddy allows. Do your kids know what your boundaries are?
Showing them the proper family structure is the only way it will stick. We get that the world is constantly pushing new ideas down your throat. You do not have to accept this. Stand on the Word of God and show your kids how a Lion leads his family. Fight for them every day, they are counting on you to lead them.
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