In this episode:
How do you respond to God in your Job-like moments in life?
In this powerful episode Chris unpacks the story of how he and his wife lost two babies in the recent years. As Christian men it can be hard to openly talk about items like this and our hope with this episode is that it encourages the brothers out there that have walked (or unfortunately may walk) this in their life. As 1 in 4 pregnancy’s end in some form of miscarriage or loss this does not just impact the mothers. As dads we need to grieve and it is healthy to do this with your wife.
Couples that grieve together, grow together. Click To TweetChris Grainger
This is going to be the hardest message I’ve ever put together on the pod. So I I’ve been praying through this guys. I’m gonna try to get through this without a lot of emotion, uh, as much as little as possible. Um, this is not easy. Okay. This is not, this is not an easy message, but I want to start just like we start every episode of the line with Dennis.
We’re going to start in God’s word. Okay. So let’s get our heads, right. Let’s get right on in God’s work. This is a beautiful story. Beautiful story, mark. So again, mark five. 35 through 43 with more. I’m gonna read these verses while he was still speaking in the Heath word here. That’s Jesus. They came from the house of the synagogue official saying, your daughter has died.
Why trouble the teacher anymore? But Jesus overhearing what was being spoken said to the synagogue official, do not be afraid any longer. Only believe, love that bar. And he allowed no one to accompany him except Peter and James and John, the brother of James. And they came to the house at a synagogue official and he saw a commotion and people loudly, weeping and wailing and entering in.
He said to them, why make a commotion? And weep, the child is not dead, has not died, but it’s asleep. They began laughing at him, but putting them all out, he took along the child’s father and mother his own companions and entered the room where the child was. Taking a child by hand. He, he said to her to Lithia com, which translated means little girl.
I say to you, get up immediately. The girl got up and began to walk for. She was 12 years old and immediately they were completely astounded and he gave them strict orders that no one should know about this. And he said that something should be given to her to eat. So that is our script. For the week. And I really wanted to share that story.
So guys, here’s a step needs you to know right off the bat. And I, and I, and I’m, I mentioned this in the spiritual kickoff, you haven’t listened to that highly encourage you to go back and check that out because I really just broken in that scripture, in that spiritual kickoff that may help you get a good foundation of what was happening during that time.
Here’s a stat one in four pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.
That’s, that’s not one in four. Women will have a miscarriage. That’s it all pregnancies, all pregnancies, 25% weigh-in and grief. Now she think about it this way. We are, I mean, we’re, we’re serving Christian men. One in four men were experienced grief as well, but what S not really talked about, right. It’s not acknowledged that.
And, but guys that’s a real stat. So if you get one to four, women are having this issues and you’re a married Christian man. You’re part of that number. Here’s the thing. I’m part of that number. I’m the one in four. Okay. And I’ll tell you this, there is no pain like it pay bottom line is I get two stores and we’ll share with you.
And then after that, guys, this is not just a pity party for Chris. I actually got 10 tips that you can share. With with, with guys who are struggling with this, if maybe this has happened to them in their life and they need some encouragement, maybe this happens in the future. And you remember this podcast, I encourage you to come, go back to it and use it, send it, learn from it because this may help you help them and be there for them.
Okay. So the first story, my wife and I, we got married in 2017. And we weren’t. We wanted to have a baby, you know, I have two children from a previous marriage and two beautiful daughters. Hey, Chloe and April, you guys maybe listen to this one. And when, when Rebecca, my wife and I, we got married. We wanted to have some children of our own.
So we were blessed. God blessed us. We were able to get pregnant. Thanks for going. Good. We actually went to that to the first ultrasound. I think the six or seven week ultrasound things look great. And my wife, she had a follow-up appointment and it was an early followup appointment. Looks like a nine week appointment.
And I was at work. I told her, I said, do you want me to go with you? She’s I noticed this is just a follow-up. Um, you know, we’re not, we’re not checking anything or anything like that with ultrasound. So, so, you know, just go to work. And I got the phone call. She called me at work and she’s like, um, with Austin, And I’m like, well, what do you mean what happened?
And she told me it was, it was what’s called up and I may get this wrong, but a missed miscarriage. Okay. So my wife never had the actual signs of a miscarriage. There was never any blood or anything like that. It was a missed miscarriage. So, you know, we lost our baby and we had to go do a procedure. Um, that was called a DNC.
And, you know, so it’s an outpatient thing, but we had to go, uh, have that done and, and just remember, um, the hurt, you know, and, and we named, we named our baby, his name is Judah. My wife is adamant that it was a boy, you know, I’m a three-time girl, dad, but it was a boy. So I went, I went on with her and who am I to argue that?
Uh, so we, we lost him and, uh, You know, I will talk about a little bit later how we processed that grief and some things we did to celebrate his life and, and you know, that that really helped us. And, you know, being that early in the pregnancy, uh, it didn’t make it any, I wouldn’t say any easier. It was just different.
Okay. It was a different pain that we felt, but it was still a very real pain, you know, we, we had struggled to even get. And then we got there and then that happened. So we just, you know, that was, that was, uh, that was a tough one for us to, uh, to work through together. Um, and then we had some time to heal, you know, to, we took some just some time to make sure her body had healed properly.
And then we said, you know what? We trust God, you know, we don’t know why, what happened to judo happened, but we’ll, we’re gonna trust him. And we tried to, we want to get past. So, uh, we were able to get pregnant and this time, you know, it didn’t take us quite as long from what I remember, but we, we, we got pregnant and I didn’t miss any, there were no appointments missed anything like that.
Right. I mean, I was, I was there at every one of them and, and our daughter, we found out she was a girl. I think we found out around 14 weeks that it was a girl and. You know, being a girl, dad, I was, I was thrilled, obviously. Uh, we named her faith, you know, faith may was their name M a E. And we were excited.
Like our, our kids were excited. Our daughters were excited. It was a, it was a fun time. Cause it, again, this is in COVID. Okay. So can we, this is in the middle of COVID everything happened. And, and so, you know, from when, when COVID hit, you know, you couldn’t have the typical. You know, baby showers and things like that.
So we had to modify and, and, you know, we were blessed beyond blessed by, you know, our church did a, uh, uh, a thing for us. Our families did things to try to make it special because we were, that was in the middle of the lockdown. I mean, it’s not many people were traveling. We weren’t going out. No, I don’t remember going out to, uh, uh, get groceries, you know, just deck that with the mask, all the gloves you didn’t notice, but when the pandemic pandemic burst.
And I had a pregnant wife. Right. And so, you know, that was all just different type of experiences. And we took a lot of pictures and things like that of, of, of my wife through the pregnancy and just celebrating the life. That was, that was to come and the life that was, that was, we were so excited for, you know, we had, we had the nursery, I repainted the nursery, how we had, uh, we, we found some great burners.
And we had everything set up. Right. I mean, the nursery was beautiful. I mean, beautiful. We had a, uh, a pitcher that had faith, like her name was on it, you know, thing was, it was just, it was beautiful guys. I mean, you know how, you know, our guys are, we just want to do stuff. Right. So for me, just doing stuff was prepping the nursery and getting ready and, and get in that hole.
And then, you know, then the, the wives, they usually go into that mother hand and just getting a nest ready and all that. So we were there. So we were do, uh, in may and on leave. It was May 11th. So we went, we went to bed that night and my wife woke up and she was, she woke me up. I remember that. And she says, I’m not feeling faith moves.
She’s not kicking me or anything. Beth was very active, baby. I mean, I can say. And put my head on my wife’s stomach and she would kick me and very image, see your stomach move. I mean, this, this little girl was all over the place. Right. She was re she was wide open all the time. So I, what I said, you know, our daughters are upstairs sleeping.
Um, she’s like, I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go to the hospital, just to check, make sure she’s okay. You stay here with the girls and I’m sure, you know, everything will be fine. Yeah. I’ll come back and if they want to keep me to induce me, cause again guys, we were at the due date. We were there. Okay. So this is not like this was 20 something weeks.
Like we were literally at the due date. Ah, the bags were already packed, all that stuff. So I laid back down and I think I even dozed back off. And, um, my phone rang that night and it was, it was her, it was my wife. And I’ll never forget the word. She said. She said, uh, I said, Hey. And she said, we lost bay.
I told you guys I going to get emotional by Bilad. So when she said that we lost beef, you know, I’m here at the house with my kids. What do you do? I mean, I, I just cried out to God. I remember laying on the floor in a bathroom, tears soaked and just, you know, you ha you ask the questions. Why, you know, what is this real?
Does it feel, is this really happening? And you just don’t know, um, there’s, there’s this feeling of, oh, just what do you do? There’s nothing I can do. So I was able to get my parents on the phone. They, they, they, they drove over immediately. Um, and, and when they got there, my dad, uh, you know, what, we got hugs and all that stuff.
I mean, we had, you know, we had the, the, uh, the things you don’t think about, like we had the pack and play was already in our room. Right. I mean, everything, the car seats, all that stuff. So I went to the, uh, my dad drove me to the hospital and drop me off. So he, so they could come back and be with our, our daughters noodle tonight.
So the girls never woke up. Right. So when they, well, my daughters woke up in the morning. Uh, they had school, so they actually, you know, they woke up dead and their step-mom was gone. So, and grandparents they’re like what’s going on? So I told them, I told my parents said, don’t tell the girls, I have to be the one that tells my daughter that they lost her sister.
So they are, again, he dropped me off and went into the hospital and that’s where I saw Becca. But the first time and, uh, after, since that phone call, so.
When you, when you’re in there in the hospital and things like this, it’s a, it’s a different, much different feel. You know, there’s, there’s, there’s no monitors or anything like that for the baby, you know, they’re, they’re just basically monitoring your, you know, your wife and, you know, they’re making sure that she’s healthy, then they have to start introducing it and having that, that whole process, right.
Because her body hadn’t started the process. Actually going into labor yet. Right. It ha it wasn’t exactly that time. So, you know, we, we, they started doing the induction process that took forever. I mean, it was just complete agony. Okay. It took us about 24 hours to finally get to the point of, you know, being to the point of where we could start pushing and then to delivery.
It was agony excruciating. Unbelievable, um, pain that we had to go through and you know, that my wife had to go through and as a husband, I’m just standing there literally helpless. Can’t do anything for, we pray for miracles. I had this, this, my Bible open, went straight to, I said, you know, we have a Jarius moment.
We kept calling a week. I mean, we claimed it. We were going to have a Jarius moment. This is going to turn out to be a. You know, the doctors are wrong. I don’t care what your technology says, you’re wrong. My daughter’s going to come out and she’s going to cry. And so they, the doctors prepared us the best they could and faith was born and she ended the world.
And I told my wife, I said, as soon as she comes out, I’m praying over her to lithium. And I remember standing over her and holding her, you know, the doctor’s there with her, praying that over and over and over, and my tears were just dropping down on her and she wouldn’t open her eyes. She was beautiful gas.
Nah, pales, beautiful baby head full of hair. I mean, a lot more here than I got. Right. That’s not too hard, but just beautiful, absolutely beautiful, but just want to open her eyes. And so we helped to get, you know, I help dress her for the first time and you know, all the stuff that you do, you know, when you have a baby and, um, just remembered that feeling of, of, she was very well.
Unless she was born very, very warm it’s the way a baby should be. Right. And, uh, so I went and to my wife and was able to, to, to show her bathe and they had to finish up some things with my wife to get her, you know, to get her a ride. And if you guys meant through deliveries and all that stuff, you know what that slide, but I will never forget how quiet.
The delivery room was, you know, guys, look, delivery rooms are supposed to be chaotic and crazy. They’re supposed to be screaming and yelling and you did this to me and all that stuff. Right. And, and at the end of it, you should hear a baby cry. We didn’t have that. He was quiet. And I remember I didn’t like it, that that quietness was very different.
Of it brought a, uh, a sense of reality of this is really happening.
So anyway, I got faith there. My wife is, is finally finished from the delivery part, so we’re able to be together and we had 12 hours. We had that night to be with her. And I remember very well. That night is it’ll be a night. I’ll never forget and things that we did. And I’m telling you guys this stuff, because you’re ever in these moments, it would have helped me to have heard a story like this going into this, but I didn’t.
So hopefully it’s, hopefully nobody ever has this issue. And, and this is just a sad story, but what the one in four stat, I think it’s a story that, that, that could hopefully uplift. So I remember that 12 hours. What do we do? Well, we sang to her. I remember very well, very well singing to her. And, uh, I sang our victory in Jesus and it was a hardest song I ever sang.
I’m a terrible singer. My wife is a singer. I’m horrible, but I just want it to the saying to my daughter and talk to her. And I told her about, um, our family and her crazy sister. All the plans that they had to do with her and, and all that stuff. Right. And, uh, we took pictures with her obviously. And, and, you know, just think about this.
If you just had 12 hours to, to make memories, what do you do? What do you do? I wasn’t sure. So we just did the best we could. Uh, they may a little the hospital we were at, they made some hand prints and footprints of, of her and like these molded things. They’re really awesome. They did a phenomenal job of taking care of us and loving on us.
And, uh, they’re special. Just so you guys know there are special carriers that you have for babies that pass, uh, basically. Refrigeration type thing where you lay them on it, it’s basically delaying the decane. Okay. So it’s, it’s a way that you can spend some time with your baby. Uh, and I’m very appreciative of that.
And, but I just remember some of the last things I remember
or how cold she was. And I don’t like that part. I didn’t, I didn’t like the cold part, but I wouldn’t trade those 12 hours right now. Because as hard as it was, it was good for my wife and I to have that time as a couple together with our baby. So we, we had that and then, you know, saying goodbye to her and all that thing, all that stuff, um, complete agony, it was just complete agony.
So. So we left the hospital and we were able to leave and, and, and, uh, you know, my daughters, we hadn’t talked to him because I can’t tell them this stuff over the phone. I’m not that kind of man. I’m a, I’m a very, in many ways a guys, guy, I don’t mind hitting the hard stuff head on. And for them, I wanted to hit the hard stuff directly with him.
I didn’t want to sugarcoat it. I didn’t walk into the here, the third party, they needed to hear it from their dad and from their step. So we got home and, uh, they came up to the car, so excited, so excited and cause they were expecting to see their sister, right. I mean, why should they think any differently?
And it was an empty car seat and they had questions and they were, I what is going on? And so. We went outside and there’s a little tree that’s outside. And here’s where I told you we did a, uh, a, a, uh, in the memory of Judah. We actually planted a little Japanese maple in our front yard, and we never told our girls that that was the reason we just, they just thought we just planted a little tree.
So we went out and we, we made a circle around that tree and I started off by. You know, just, just telling them, you know, by that tree was there. And I mean, I’m going off a lot of this stuff by memory, so I may have some of it wrong, but, and then we just told them that their sister had died and that she was with Jesus and, and we told them this, this immediate.
I mean, they broke down. Um, my oldest daughter took off running just, you know, grief, grief, right? I mean, it’s just kids grief too. Right. So, I mean, it just, we had to pull together and United as a family. And I can only tell you guys that prayer family, our church, family, and those moments as how you got, and you just leave.
All you can on the Lord. And that’s when me and my wife did, you know, we leaned on each other and together we were leaning on him. He is the only reason we got it. We got through that. And so then, um, you know, we’re sitting there oh, a week or so it went by and we had, we had our dollar cream. And by the way, sheets in a, in a little urn and that earns in my pocket right now.
I want her to be with me while I was doing this recording. So about, you know, a, a, a week later we’re sitting there and my wife and I’ll take a fun story. My wife and I met because of a dog. It was a dog. My dad had worked with my wife. Uh, she got a new puppy as a little Yorkie. His name was Maverick and he had pictures of the dog on his computer and I was over his house one day.
He’s like, you need to look at this pictures of this dog. I’m like, I don’t care about this dog. He’s like, no, look at the pictures of the dog sent back to third picture. He was my wife holding the dog and that’s when I immediately fell. I was like, all right, who is that? So this dog ultimately was the reason that my wife and I met.
And again, we’d lost her baby. One week to the day I woke up and Maverick had died and out, I remember just standing there shaking and calling my dad saying I don’t want back to the wake up. Cause I had no idea how to tell her that her dog has died. And it was just. I can’t explain the emotions. So the funeral home had actually called and Alice to pick up Beth that day.
So I take Maverick or are your kids just pass? And I called and we found a, they, one of those cremation services for animals and our member sat, took Maverick, uh, wrapped him up. We said our goodbyes. I have to tell our, our daughter, so they lost their dog. He was just. When you think he can’t get any worse.
Right. And I remember going to the funeral home and I met the guy who does the pet cremation at the, at the real funeral home. So I’m picking up my daughter dropping off my dog and I’m sitting here thinking like, this is the worst country song on the planet. Right. It’s never a copy of a hundred songs is any worse than this.
So it did, it was just a surreal moment. And. I don’t know, you know what Y you know, and then, you know, a week or two, after that, my wife actually lost her job. I mean, it was just, we lost her baby. We lost her dog. She lost her job in a matter of about three or four weeks. Talk about your Joe moments, right?
And when, when, when all these things hit, all you can do is clean. You have to clean them. As you talk about broken as a man who wants to fix stuff and wants to help. And B you know, we want to be in charge. We want to, we want to do something. There’s nothing I can do. They were, our baby died. Our dog died.
My wife got fired. Are you kidding me? I go, well, what, you know, just like literally just crying out to the Lord. So, you know, we made just to keep on with the story guys. We, we, we made it through that obviously together and. You know, she got a job that’s a million times better that the people actually care.
They love her, you know? Yeah. She was working at a church and the church where she worked, they never acknowledged the fact that we had a daughter. And so that just tells you, you have to be careful wherever you’re at, you know, because you know, Satan’s. But God took us through that, took her through that because now she’s in a field that she loves.
She’s surrounded by women that love her and that coworkers that love her. And she gets to do these amazing things in HR and she she’s in her happy place. So that part did turn out. We are, we actually, you know, we made a shadow box for faith and that’s, that’s in our living room, you know, the shadow box there to remember, I told you guys about the, uh, the, the hand and the feet and prints they’re in the living room too.
So we have this place, you know, for Fe. And then, uh, we took a trip to the beach as a family, and we took her, we took bathe with us and we had a really good time at the beach kind of. Decompressing some, and we had a little service for her. It was just the four of us, our family with her there. And we took a lot of pictures and it was awesome.
It was awesome. And then, you know, I remember, you know, the nursery, we just shut the door, we shut the door. We didn’t want to do anything to the nursery.
Trusted and we fell. God, no, we still love you. We love you more than ever. We’ve been through tragedy. We’ve been through all this stuff, but we are not, don’t turn our back on you. And we became even closer as a family through this. And then I just remember, you know, so its shadow box shadow box has done.
We did the beach trip, the nursery, we shut that door and then. We had her one-year birthday. And that was probably one of the hardest days. Her birthday is actually May 13th. I’m actually recording this in early may right now. So her birthday we’ll, we’ll have her to your birthday here in a few days. And, uh, I wanted to do this recording before a birthday.
Just, I don’t know why guys cause I’m weird, but I just, I wanted to do this. So, but her one year birthday, we had a cake and uh, you know, one candle. Uh, you know, we, we, we just, we tried to make it special and it was more for the kids, but it was for, for Rebecca and I too. So we could process that together.
Um, and we still have moments where she, and I would just look at each other and just, we’ll just say, I miss faith. And I’ll just tell her I miss her too. And, you know, for that year, our art or, you know, I work remotely. And the nursery is a call is across the hall from my studio where we do recordings and things like that.
I just remember so, so vividly looking over, always looking over to that nursery and I didn’t that door being shut. And it was just a constant reminder because I don’t know if that was help healthy or not, but it was just, it was a costume reminder and, um, gotcha. Again, something that I pray nobody ever goes through.
And so when I started thinking through that and the story and in faith and how to honor her and things that we did, you know, I made up a list, I got 10 things, guests, so I won’t go through them. Now we’ll take a long time to go through these, but I want to give you 10 things to think about if you’re ever one of those one in four, if this ever happened, And you’re one of those one in four.
This may help you.
So I’m gonna give you a couple of things to think about and what the research right now. Number one, number one, grieve with your wife. I know it sounds simple to many guys. We try to hold emotions in. You need to grieve. She needs to see you. There is something about a couple when they grieve together, they grow together.
I don’t want any of you guys, you ever have to grieve. I know a close personal brother. I love him very much. And he listens to this podcast, uh, is Ray is consistent as anybody out there and he lost his son and, um, I’ve watched him going through grief. He’s going through grief right now. And that grief will never leave.
And, um, you know, I didn’t get to raise my daughter the way he raised his son. You know, I can’t imagine. I just know that the hurt and the pain that I feel you got to grieve. So Steven, if you’re listening, I love you brother. And joy love you. Prank. We constantly pray for you guys. So, um, grieve with your wife gas.
You got agree. Number two name your baby. You need to name them, give them a name they deserve at judo, even though we lost you to so early nine weeks, he’s Judah. He’s not an H you know why? Because at the moment of conception, he was beautifully and wonderfully made and God was weaving him together. He had a spirit, he had a.
All of that stuff at the moment of conception, don’t get that mixed up. Now, this is not going to be a big podcast on abortion and all that stuff, guys. And you guys know what the Bible says. I don’t need to take you there. Name your baby, give him a name. So for us, is Judah in faith. Number three, protect your wife from others.
Now, what am I talking about here? There’s gonna be certain times where people think that. No. Or maybe you still, maybe don’t talk about it as much or shouldn’t bring it up. No, as a man, you, you step in and hammered at right there. And I had a real good friend. His name is Steve. He called me, he had the same thing happened to him.
He actually called me right after it happened with faith and he found out, and this was his advice to me, protect your wife. And I remember. And I want to share that, pass that alone. You guys protect your wife. So Steve, you happen to be listening. Thank you, my brother for sharing that, uh, that piece of advice, you’ve been a wonderful friend and I D I could, I’ll continue to pray blessings for you and your family.
So protector number four, you need to recognize guys that exist in kids. You know, kids in the house, they process grief differently, and you need to help them through this. Maybe they need these, be some counseling involved. Nobody, you gotta recognize kids process grief differently than adults. So just, just, just going in knowing that that’s going to help you cause you need to help them.
Now I know you have to grieve. You have to do it. Don’t you have to grieve yourself. But as a dad, as a lion, you need to help them grieve. They need to see you cry to know that it’s okay for them to cry, be vulnerable here, gas, but make sure your kid. I feel that it’s okay to agree and help them. Like for us, we had some projects.
We did, our girls wanted to make pictures for faith. They wanted, they made a little pictures for her. They made a frame thing for Maverick or puppy dog, because again, they had so much loss in those like literally week and that helped them. And those, those sprains are, are in their rooms right now. You know, we had a picture made of faith and all that stuff and that, that stuff.
And they helped with making the shadow box and they may little notes and steals. It is day. If I read those notes, I started crying. So I just, those notes are very, they were very raw, but they were real, but it helped them process. Now kids do process grief a lot faster usually than adults, you know? So they’re more resilient, but just recognize that your kids, they process grief differently to be there for number five.
No, you need to recognize that your extended family they’re going to grieve, you know, so reach out to them, check on, make sure they’re okay. You know, grandparents, my Mo my wife, her mother in particular, how she took this as her first grand baby, that she was expecting, you know, biological horse. She she’s a grandma to, to grandmother, to, to Chloe and Ava, but this was, you know, this was their first biological.
And this is, so this was very difficult for her and her sister. Her brother or dad, and then my family, you know, we never experienced things like that until our out my mom, she reminded, you know, we, we were talking, you know, my brother, my younger brother, he was a twin and his, his twin was still born. So I was able to talk to my mom about that and just, you know, some of the emotions that she had.
So now we were able to, to, to learn from that. And guys, I forgot to even. W we never found out what happened. They thank you as something with her umbilical cord, like a blood clot or something, but we just trusted it. That’s what it was. That’s what it looked like. It was, we didn’t want to put through any testing or things like that, but that, that helped me in a ended up being what it was.
But this, this, this idea here of your, your extended family, they’re gone to grieve and you need to help and just, and just be there for them. Okay. Just don’t forget about six tip. Set boundaries so that, you know, you’re not the grief counselor for others. You need to assess and pounders here guys. Okay.
Does that mean sometimes people when, when they grieve and they reach out, it can be all unintended well, but you know what? Sometimes we don’t need those messages and you need to protect your wife going back to not rule number one, but set some boundaries. And if it keeps going on with certain people, you just need to be pretty direct.
There’s nothing. But be indirect, you do it in love, not saying be a jerk and go out there and, and, and, or you hit people between the eyes, but do set some boundaries, a may be the line and make sure people would understand that, you know, you, ain’t their counselor. You’re here for the core group, the core family, but set some boundaries.
And again, a lot of stuff isn’t meant as meant in love. It just, you know, God’s got a plan, things like that. I get it. But when you’re, when you are. I mean, you just lost your child. You don’t need to hear that kind of stuff. Okay. You just need to know that people loving, they bring it for you. It’s the best thing you can ever say to anybody who’s going through a loss is that I love you.
And I’m praying for you, right? Seven tip, make a tribute or Memorial items. Okay. That we did that for Judah. Again, we planted that tree per phase. We did the same thing. We had the, the, the, the shadow box, all her stuff. We have a faith box with all the cards and stuff like that. That was. We’ve planted our church just blessed us with, with, uh, bushes, a Rose Bush, some different flowers, a little tree.
I mean, all these different things that we were able to plant and, you know, as a Memorial for her. And I remember I literally just went out the other day and I thought looked at her, her Rose Bush is beautiful. It’s got pink roses. And as a constant reminder, you know, every year of just her memory. So I’m really big.
I think that stuff helped us. Process the grief. So I mean, tributes for more items, you know, I think that stuff really does and need the moment is to him. You may not think it helps, but I’ve know for me personally, going back now, coming up on two years and pulling that stuff out helps it does it helps.
So I really encourage that. Number eight banner counselor, to help you process. You need to find a counselor. I mean, my wife and I, you know, we, we were able to get some support to really understand for her in particular. There’s a lot of groups out there for women Gaz. Sometimes we need help too. So if you’re struggling on a counselor, you know, cause they can really help you walk through this epi grow together.
There’s there’s specific couples, not couples there, specific groups out there for families that lost have gone through this type of. Uh, and they helped, my wife broke a few taps. Now, at some point, she got to where she couldn’t go to those meetings anymore because they just kept bringing up two bad memories.
Now she couldn’t really like push through it, but initially they were really helpful for her to, uh, to, to process our number nine share. You need to share your grief and let others know like your church family does when you do. Yeah, that’s going to be opportunities for people to love on you. And you needed a lot of love when you’re going through grief.
You’re also gonna find out that one in four stat that I was telling you as about, you will find out more and more people have dealt with this and you realize people came to us day. We had no idea had struggled like this and, and shared stories and, and, and, and just heartbreaking stuff. But they came out the woodworks.
They, they, they were really encouraging. Some of the letters. I mean, our church, one of our brothers in the church made us a box, beautiful little wooden box and had these prayer cards in it from all these different prayers that people hand wrote. And I’d say they’re just some of the most beautiful, impactful things we’ve ever gotten.
And that wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t shared, you know, we weren’t connected with a church again, this leads, this is not a tip, but I mean, guys, if you’re not part of a local. What is wrong with you? Like seriously buying a local church. You need a church to help you in so many areas. I, when life happens, you know, you have your family, but then you have your church family in your church, family is going to help carry you to now.
So many meal trains. I remember it was like birth felt like two months, you know, we have food showing up and it was, it was a blessing. I’m not gonna lie. I didn’t feel like cooking. I just wanted. Nope. Just be, I don’t know. It was literally, I didn’t want to do anything like that. And the church took the stress off of us because, you know, they just loved on us.
And, and we’re part of a Southern Baptist church and Southern Baptist. We love to love on people with food and, and nothing wrong with that, but it was, that was good. So share your grief. And again, got to give a special shout out to, to pleasant Grove Baptist church, where we, where we serve and the pastors, pastor David and, and, and, and pastor Scott.
Um, pastor Corey, they’re the people that are there that are serving. It’s unbelievable, the load that we felt and the way they carried us through that. And we even have a little Memorial thing for, for faith that that’s in the church, but that was, uh, now it’s really awesome. So share your grief and the last tip back out, guys.
The last tip trust God, just trust God and go to him. Gotta trust him. You know, so many times guys is, can be like you get in these Joe Black moments. You just want to say, you know what, I’m done, guys. You can’t in those moments, that friction, that’s where you get stronger, you know, let’s do those moments that led me to taking some financial planning courses that led me to starting a, like a little financial coaching business.
And that ultimately led me to the line with them. You never know the steps that lie ahead, you just have to be willing to take them and trust it. Guy’s going to be there for you. You know, standing here, recording this right now is surreal. I can’t even believe that I have, there’s a podcast that people actually want or will listen to it.
But the thought that this may encourage or uplift a brother out there on real trust, God. Have that prayer life constantly. My Bible is right here right now. My hand is literally touching it. Get in the word, let the word penetrate and soak auntie you, because in those moments, those Joe Black moments, that’s all you got.
You know what, that’s enough? That’s enough.
What happened next? You know, there’s always what happened next. Well, we wanted to have baby. We did. So we, we process, we took some time with, uh, with faith after faith and my wife healed, you know, her body had to heal. She, she, she literally had a baby. Right. Um, but just like any, any, any mothers out there, you know, that take some time for healing and we want, we, we decided, you know what, I don’t trust God.
And we leaned in and when we got pregnant, So we got pregnant and I went to every doctor’s visit. You know, we did all of this, we all the same rituals, but I can tell you what you talk about. Intense moments. My wife probably is smiling as she’s listening to this right now. Uh, your host of the lounge and it’s Chris here and those initial meetings, pretty much every meeting we had with, uh, with the doctors, when my wife was pregnant, this our last.
It was an intense drill Sergeant moment. Cause I was asking a lot of questions. I wanted feedback. I wanted data. I mean, I, you know, the engineer came out hours, pressing them to see what we could do. You know what? Looking back now. I wasn’t trusting God. I had an alarm on was where I weren’t dressed. And I was trying to go to the forest, that outcome and it, but I do remember at some point in the pregnancy, I just had, my wife said, you got to get us up, you know, your stress.
If it happens and we can hold our baby, then that’s a blessing, but we got to trust God. And so that’s what we did. We trusted him. They did an extra care, you know, and, and, and tried some, you know, some new things just to help with my wife as there really wasn’t anything external. It’s nothing, it’s just, faith was just one of those things.
And so we trusted. And then, uh, we went to the hospital. On August 20th. So my oldest daughters was born on August 19th. We had her birthday, we celebrated her birthday. We went to the hospital the next morning on the 20th, uh, to be induced and on August 21st, uh, we were blessed and we got to hear our baby cry and our little baby Lily, Lily, grace.
She joined a family on August 21st, 2021. And has been a blessing. And I just remember some of the nurses that deliver faith were actually in there and just tears of joy that just pour all over that baby when she was born and to hear her cry and to watch her cry was so, so excited to see a baby cry. I mean, it sounds crazy right, but just the delivery room wasn’t quiet anymore.
And it was one. And I just remember being there with her and, and, and, and Lily, and, uh, she had some John this, so we had to stay in the hospital a few extra days. So it was stressful getting out, but that’s just remember that moment. We came home and we had that baby and our daughters got to come out and meet their sister.
It was, it was unreal guys. It was just that, that moment of, of redemption in my wife told me from the time, uh, When we got pregnant, she said, God has, has given me a piece. I said, well, what about why? She says, I’ve had a piece that he’s trying to tell me that September will be, you know, the redemption will be redeemed.
Well, our daughter was due actually in September. They, they, they, they, they delivered her a few weeks early because of what had happened with faith. But her due date was actually the very first week of September. And I remember September 20, 21, not that long. Uh, we’ll probably won the best months of my life having a newborn.
And I can say you want bang for back-end. I, we just, we don’t stress over crime. Babies are getting up or, you know, things that you get stressed out about for new parents. We just don’t. And I can only attribute that to the pain we went through together and that quiet, deliberate.
That’s not there. You know, we, we have our little girl and we were able to open that nursery up and, and we redid some things in there to make Lily’s room, her room, but the joy and, and, and guys, you know, I know you guys are listening and some of you guys haven’t got that point yet, and I don’t want to discourage you.
I just want to encourage you to keep trusting God who we didn’t know. We didn’t know we were going to make it to the finish line and we have made it to the, to the goal line with bay and it happened. So it was a blessing. Lilly’s just a beautiful old girl, eight months old robot. Now, when this drops should be nine months old and you know, just, just a wonderful blessing and guys got some guests, some other news for us or for the lines out there.
I want to share this with you. So. And November, uh, we’re expecting another one. And so we’re, we’re back in that process right now. Praying, w we’ll I’ll I’ll ask, I’m not ashamed. I will ask everyone out there listening. I covered your prayers between now and all. And in November, when our baby will, will prayerfully be born, there’s a lot of prayers that have to happen.
Uh, we’re doing the best we can to stay healthy and to do what we can to, to get to that delivery room. But at the end of the day, As a man, there’s not nothing new, other than support, be there for my wife. He’ll put the kids, you know, try to make things as less stressful as possible, but in a day, it’s in his hands and there’s no better hands to be here.
So guys, you know, app pray that a message like this is helpful. I can tell you, this is the hardest message I’ve ever had to deliver, you know? How it helps you guys, but I would encourage you this, if, if this helps or if you want to talk, hit us up, go to the line within.us. There’s ways to contact us right there on the web page, you know, send us a note, hit me up.
I mean, you can send an email to support at line with bandanas and how I answer. I’ll respond to you. If you want to set up a call and talk about something, you know, if you’re struggling with this in your, or your wife, Let me know if all I do is sit and pray with you for a few minutes, I’ll do it. I believe in the power of prayer.
And I believe that as brothers, we need to pray for each other and with each other. So I highly encourage you guys shared this episode out. If it meant anything at all, share it out. If it didn’t, that’s fine. I get it. You know, check out the next podcast. I’m sure it’s probably great. But this. Shared us with a brother.
Cause maybe he and his wife need to hear this together. Maybe they need to sit down and listen. And just note, if anything, just know they’re not alone. They’re not alone. I’ve been in hospital after the, the, now the now week miscarriage or DNC. I know how it feels to walk out what your, why. I’ve been in the hospital in a quiet delivering room.
And I know how it feels to walk out of that hospital with an empty car seat.
I would love to pray with you to help you through this to least try to be an encouragement to lift you up. So again, our question of the week, how do you respond to God in your Joe Black moment? How do you respond to God and those Joe Black moments, guys, I pray that this helps you. I pray this blesses you again, share this with others.
Uh, Holly, I’d love it. If you gave you a rating and review, that means the world. I love it. If you joined the lines, now it’s free. Go check out the website in line, within.us, check out our Bible study. You know, I wrote that that Bible study, you know, but after faith, before Lily, uh, it was in that time. So I spent a lot of time in the word, right in that Bible study, you know, we’re working on resources and courses and things like that.
There’s blogs out there right now. There’s a blog out on being, uh, you know, what to look for for a stronger man’s group, you know, to, to build that group up, love your feedback when that kind of stuff, you know, I got good feedback that you guys liked some of the solo stuff. So I’m gonna try to do some of that stuff more and more.
Uh, but again, the lie within us is in the high battery. And I’ve prayed to the Lord. If it ever is shut it down, shut it down. The line within us is all about glorifying him and helping you grow to be the leader you’re predestined to be now we’re doing it. And we’re doing that right. I feel like God’s going to bless us.
And he has been blessing us. You know, you guys are listening, you’re out there and I can’t thank you enough, but no, it’s not. It’s not me. It’s all for him. It’s all for him to Gaza. Uh, pray for each and every one of you. Thank you. Again, go check out the line within data’s for all the stuff out there for ways to connect with us and me and talk.
Hope you have a great day. Hope you enjoyed this message and go out and unleash the lion within.
This is not your average episode and may not be for everyone. We are committed to bringing you real, raw and unfiltered stories that prayerfully will help you in your walk. For those that this resonates we we would love to connect with you and have a conversation. Join the Lions Den and let us know your story. We want to pray and be there if anyone needs an ear to listen.
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