In this episode:
Magnetic Marriages Do Not Happen By Mistake!
In this powerful conversation Eric Wooten from Altared Marriage breaks down many issues that are attacking Christian marriages and what actions can be taken to fight back.
If you want a good marriage, you've got to be intentional. You can't leave it up to chance and whatever you don't have in you marriage right now that you wish you had, I promise intentionality will get you there. Click To TweetEric Wooten
Welcome to the line within us, a podcast, serving Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders they’re predestined to be. I’m your host, Chris Grainger. Let’s jump in. All right, guys. It is your meat episode of the week. And you know, we’re gonna start every episode of the line within we’re gonna start it with a scripture.
So this week we’re in the book of Matthew. Okay. Matthew chapter seven versus 24 and 25. Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house.
Yet it did not fall because it had its foundation on the rock and we need to have our foundation guys on the rock of Jesus Christ. That’s where it’s all about the guys. This has been a great scripture. Go back, check out the spiritual kickoff. If you missed it yet on Monday, go grab it. Get that. Cause I really went through that and, and I think you, there’s a lot of, of, of areas that are unpacked in at SKO that I think was gonna serve you.
Well now for this week, we’re gonna be digging into marriage. Okay. We’re gonna be talking about magnetic marriages. It’s fantastic. Wonderful marriages. What did they look like? How can we get ’em we don’t want just good. We do not want just good. We want great. And God has designed marriage in such a way when it’s done right guys, it is such a blessing.
Remember, it’s a covenant, not a contract. So to help me walk through this, I brought in the expert. Okay. Brought, brought in Mr. Eric Wooton. He is a dynamic speaker. He’s an author. He’s a relationship at spur. He’s got 15 years of experience as a pastor and licensed actually professional counselor to help strengthen relationships and organizations.
He leverages his transformative yet easy to digest framework to save countless marriages guys, countless marriages, and he creates sustainable change at all levels. Okay. So again, he’s got a masters of marriage and family counseling from the Southwestern Baptist, theological seminary, and he’s the author of the magnetic marriage, eight characteristics of irresistible marriages.
Okay. Now he’s been married for his wife, Jill 28 years. So they figured this stuff out. Okay. They, they is proven they have three daughters, their older daughters, but guys I’ll tell you what, it was a wonderful conversation with Eric. He’s gonna give a lot of practical insight, practical ways that you can build and strengthen your marriage.
And I tell you what, you’re not going to guess. The first area that he really focuses on. I think this is gonna really resonate with you guys. And towards the end, he gets some really good tips, guys. That’s going again. You can actually apply. Hear that apply. And improve your marriage guarantee you and all of it focused right on, right on scripture, right on scripture.
So guys, I think you’re gonna enjoy this one. This may be one you want to share with your wife, you know, Hey, listen to it. If you think this would be a conversation that would help you guys come together, share with her, ask her to listen to it as well, guys. So I’m not gonna hold you back anymore. Enjoy this conversation with Eric Wooten.
Eric. Welcome to the line within how you doing today? My friend,
03:19 Eric Wooten
I am doing good, Chris. Thanks for having.
03:21 Chris Grainger
Man. I’m so excited to have you, cuz this is a topic that we haven’t really dug a lot into on the line within us. So far, Eric is, is around marriage. So I’m excited to get your insight, but I know the guys, you know, they, they, they like to know who they’re, who, why should they be listening to you?
Right. I mean, who, who, who is the guest? They heard me give a bio, but that’s just me saying words, brother. So maybe tell us a little bit about your story.
03:43 Eric Wooten
Yeah. Yeah. I was that, that’s a tough question. I’m like my wife doesn’t even listen to me. My kids don’t so you know, why, why should anybody else? But uh, no.
Yeah. At, at, at the very least been married 28 years. So, uh, I I’ve figured out how to stay in the fight and, and uh, keep it going. We got, uh, three kind of mostly grown girls, 23, 21 18. Uh, so I was, I just, I just posted the other day. In fact, the, uh, I saw everybody’s, uh, obligatory back to school pictures with their kids holding the sign of third grade and I was like, you know what.
I said marked safe from ever having to do that again, our, our youngest graduated in may, so I’m like no more of that stuff for me, but, uh, yeah. So, so been married, uh, almost three decades now. And, um, yeah. Yeah. I hadn’t always been good. Marriages was difficult first 10 years we say sucked. And, uh, I think the, the last 18 have been pretty good so far, but you know, we’ve been through infidelity, infertility, uh, just figuring out how to join two separate lives with different perspectives on life.
And, um, so yeah, we’ve had ups and downs in marriage and in, in that process, um, went to school, got a master’s in marriage, in family counseling. I’m a licensed counselor, been counseling, you know, inside and outside church context for. 15 to 18 years now. And then two, two years ago. So 2020 launch my own marriage organization, altered marriage and focused solely on relationships now.
05:20 Chris Grainger
So that is awesome, man. So, I mean, thank you so much. You definitely, uh, appreciate you being so open to 28 years. That’s, uh, that that’s some credibility right there, my brother. So I’m excited to, to learn from you for sure. And I’m curious, man, you’re, you’re such a passionate guy when it comes to, you know, marriage and Christian couples and doing it the right way.
What’s driving that passion,
05:42 Eric Wooten
man. Yeah. I think some of it is obviously, you know, what drives a lot of people’s passion, right? The pain in our own relationship and struggles to kind of make you go that let’s, let’s see if we can, uh, take, take some of our difficulties and struggles and help somebody else not have to go through ’em.
I think that that’s natural. And then just outside of that, it just kind of has. One of those things and you look back in life and, and we’ve always been a part of small groups, couple small groups in, in church community believe strongly in that. And so just have always had kind of couples in our ear either helping walk us or coming to us for, for advice.
And so, yeah, I just, I, I think, you know, the, the heartbreaking divorces that, that you see around you that just, um, are unnecessary. A lot of ’em mm-hmm , you know, some, some is, it is what it is, right? Some is inevitable. It’s hard to be married to somebody who just doesn’t wanna be married. Doesn’t wanna value covenant doesn’t wanna do right.
Things, you know, I think sometimes, yeah, it’s tough to hold a marriage together, but the vast majority of people that are quitting. I’m like, man, if you just had a few tools, if you just had a few people around you, we really could correct. 90% of, of what’s making you give up. And so I think that that passion to say, Hey, listen, we, we got too many people quitting who were just right around the corner from something better or with a couple little tweaks and, and a little bit of support.
Mm-hmm , uh, you have no idea the kind of relationship you could grow. And so I think that’s, that’s what drives a passion at this point is, you know, I, I think we, well, E even if you’re not a person of faith statistics show that the best environment for kids is a two parent home mm-hmm . And so part of it is a passion for the next generation, right?
To, to our kids are gonna have better chances in life and, and be able to thrive if we can keep households together. That’s right.
07:44 Chris Grainger
And I mean, uh, that fatherlessness man, that’s, that’s his own pandemic of its own. But I mean, to your, to your point where like, people are falling apart, man, I think what is it called?
Silver divorce or gray divorce, stuff like that. Yeah. I mean, that’s a big thing, man. I mean, where like absolutely the kids leave and then like the, the, the, the, the married couple don’t know each other, you know, and yeah, like, bro, like how does that happen, man? Yeah.
08:09 Eric Wooten
I mean, you get, you get so busy about the, the business side of marriage and family, right.
That we neglect a relationship. And then yeah, it is like my wife and I have been joking, you know, and this is a, been a weird season for us with the youngest graduating, you know, me kinda leaving what I have been doing in, in church. Ministry for 15 years to launch my own thing. So it’s a weird season for us, just renegotiating and readjusting roles and expectations
But at the same time, I’m like, praise God. Like we, we, we finally have done the hard work I’m looking forward to, you know, the next 15, 20 years. And so, yeah, it’s, it is sad to think that I think people just get there and kind of go, well, we’ve been doing a lot of work. Uh, I’m exhausted. And you know, it sometimes feels better to think about, let me just start over somewhere than, than figure out where we went wrong.
09:07 Chris Grainger
yeah. I mean, a lot of times too, when I see when I, when I’m hearing guys talk about this, they, they just get the family structure outta order. And, you know, instead of God, your, your wife, your spouse, and then the Chi, the kids it’s, you know, the kids come before everything. Yeah. And then your focus, all that energy on the kids and at the same time, You’re just like two boats drifting apart, man, throughout your marriage.
And then when the kids leave, like they’re supposed to, and you know, like you don’t even know the person that you’re, that you’re laying next to, and it’s not roommates, man. I mean, I always tell guys it’s not a contract, it’s a covenant and we need to get back to the covenant more. Instead of just thinking that this is just a good financial situation or, you know, it’s good for taxes or whatever the reason is, man, like we’ve completely missed a point of what a, a dynamic marriage is all about.
09:54 Eric Wooten
if you don’t, you know, if you, you haven’t cultivated that for 5, 10, 15, 20 years, you know, of parenting, it’s, uh, it seems daunting to think about man. I don’t, I didn’t even know how to get that back. Right.
10:09 Chris Grainger
Well, I know you start, you know, a lot of times in your book and guys will make sure we have that synced up cuz he’s, he’s got a great re resource out there for you.
You talk about intimacy with God. Sure. And what does that look like in, in a true marriage and, and. Does it, does it start there? Is that, is that the, is that the Genesis of where we need to really get a good foundation going for a solid marriage?
10:30 Eric Wooten
Yeah. I mean, obviously for believers, right. I, I don’t, I don’t think it’s impossible for a nonbeliever to have a great marriage, cuz there’s some practical things that, that we can do.
But I think for Christians, yeah. I mean, you know, our, our, our marriage is gonna be a byproduct of where we are with God. Right. And I know person personally, right. If I’m in a good place with God, I’m a, I’m a lot more gracious. I’m a lot more forgiving. I’m a lot more apt to serve and be selfless I’m you know?
And so if I’m not cultivating that, that relationship individually. Yeah. Now, now I’m looking to my spouse for stuff that probably I should be looking to God for. And you know that that’s always gonna set you up for failure. If, if you’re trying to get something out of another person that only guys designed to give to you.
Uh, so yeah, I think fundamentally E every relationship starts with the individual’s relationship with God. and how are you doing? And, and how does that translate into the people around you?
11:25 Chris Grainger
Mm-hmm so, I mean, how so? Just, just let’s keep pulling at that thread a little bit. Sure. What do we need to be doing as men, as Christian men?
That’s that’s who we’re trying to serve to have that, that, that intimate connection with God and, and be growing in that space.
11:41 Eric Wooten
Yeah. Mean, I think it, the easy answer is the spiritual disciplines, right. You know, prayer, scripture, reading times of worship. And, and I think fellowship with other guys, which is, you know, what’s so important with, with what you’re dedicating your time to is, is, you know, men’s tendency is, is not to get into kind of that, that those type of conversations with other men.
Right. Mm-hmm, where, you know, it’s, it’s not, uh, I would joking with somebody the other day we were talking about, uh, the husband was just not very, you know, emotionally present and, you know, we were joking, but I said to the wife, I’m like, well, Guys don’t grow up in an environment where you’re rewarded.
Like, like have you ever in your life heard a situation where some guy walks into the locker room and says, Hey, Hey fellas, I’m having a really bad week and things have been tough. And I just wanted you guys all to know that. And then all the guys come and hug him and tell ’em it’s gonna be alright. You know what I mean?
That happens never in life. Right. So right. We are just, we’re just not predisposed to do that. We’re not taught that. And, uh, you know, so I think for guys that, yeah, your personal spiritual disciplines, obviously spending time in prayer, scripture, reading worship just individually, but then also that collective fellowship with other guys where you’re strengthen each other and you’re subordinate each other.
And we can, um, we can have a place cuz cuz guys carry a lot of weight on their shoulders, especially, you know, husbands and fathers that, that they don’t feel like I know in our household with a, with a wife and three daughters. Um, I mean, my wife would even tell me sometimes if like, I’m struggling, she’s like, oh no, you can’t struggle.
Cuz like we’re all dependent on you kind of thing. and, and some, you know, some may not say that verbally, but they fee you feel that. And if you don’t have some other guys to be able to, to unload some of that stuff on yeah. At some point you’re probably gonna crumble. So yeah, I think guys need to be, be real diligent and intentional in, you know, cultivating their own intimacy with God through spiritual disciplines and then also engaging in fellowship with other men, um, apart from their wives at time, just to, just to help
13:52 Chris Grainger
I didn’t know where you were gonna go with that, but I’m so glad you went there and Hey bro, I got three daughters, myself, you know, mine a little bit younger than yours, but I, I, I feel what you just said. I feel it, you know, I have to show up every day and the pressure’s there and my wife has been very encouraging around building those group of men that I can go to and, you know, have a relationship with have, and actually have fellowship and bring the issues and know that, you know, I don’t have to bring this facade up, man.
I mean, I can actually just bring myself to the situations. I mean, I, when I leave this recording today with you, I’m going to lunch with two of my brothers. You, I mean, we’re gonna go, go sit down brothers in Christ. I only have one actual brother and we’re gonna go sit down and, and, and have, you know, break some bread and, uh, talk some scripture probably, and just have some time together.
And then, you know, I have a discipleship group that I’ve started up and I’m just, I can tell you this though, it takes intentionality and you have to actually work at this man. To get these guys and these, the right types of guys in these situations. So how do you coach guys there? Where, where should they be looking to build if they don’t have that group, like you’re talking about where should they be looking to so they can start building that group cause that’s ultimately going to improve their marriage if they do that.
15:06 Eric Wooten
Yeah. I mean, the, you know, the hope would be that that most Christian men are plugged into some kind of faith community of some kind, whether, you know, it’s a local church or some online faith community or, or something mm-hmm that, you know, I think that would be the hope, but, but even in, you know, 15 years of church ministry, myself being on staff, there’s a lot of churches that don’t cultivate the kind of environment where transparency is normal and rewarded.
So, I mean, I know a lot of men who are in attend to weekly men’s Bible study and they dig in the scripture, which is great, but there’s not. There’s not that next level depth, which is right, man, how you really doing, I’m struggling with porn or, you know, I’m struggling thinking about this chick I work with or, or I’m.
I mean, the real stuff that, that, when we talk about it, when we confess one to another and, and pray for each other, I mean, you know, James five 16 there, that, that there’s prayer for one another that we find healing. And so get getting our junk out, um, is where the freedom, I think you got a lot of Christian men who are reading the Bible who are in churches, uh, but who also live in a place of shame because they’ve never learned that, oh man, it’s there, there’s this thing called freedom.
That, that when you have a, a, and I’m not saying you put your, your stuff out everywhere, right. You gotta use wisdom, but right. Golly, we all gotta have two to three guys that know everything in our life and everything we struggle with. And, and, you know, I’ve said that to people before I’m like, There for me, there is a freedom and this hadn’t always been the truth of my life.
Right. I mean, there’s been seasons where I, I, you know, I remember playing this day that, that I’d, you know, leave home or something and have a thought like, oh man, did I, you know, did I erase my browsing history before I left? You know, what, if someone gets on my computer and see, you know, just, just the fear from the stuff, you know, you’re doing.
Um, but now being in a season where, you know, I could say there, there’s at least two guys in my life that know everything I’ve ever done, ever struggled with and currently struggle where, where if somebody put a. Know, on a billboard, every thought, everything I’ve done over the past week, there’s a couple guys that wouldn’t be surprised at all.
And, and to me, there’s freedom in that. There’s yeah, there’s a freedom in not having anything hidden. Not now, again, I’d be embarrassed if, if we played my thoughts over the last week for, you know, the whole church congregation I’d I’d pro I probably wouldn’t show up again, but to at least have a space and a couple guys where they know and right.
And they’ll challenge you hold you accountable. Um, but also love you and support you through that. So I, I think there’s a lot of men that, that have some Christian fellowship, but probably don’t have the depth of transparency, vulnerability, and honesty that actually allows us to walk in Galatians five, one freedom.
Right? The, the, I mean, Christ died. So we go walk in freedom and we got a lot of Christian brothers still in bondage. Because of shame and hiding stuff. Um, so I know that was a super long answer to your question. I wouldn’t plan on going, but I would, I would say one Nu first spot is if they’re part of a local church, see if there’s a group of guys there, uh, that connect and meet.
I think if, if their church has a, like a recovery type ministry. Great. I think those are fantastic. Um, to be a part of in recovery, you don’t need to have some addiction, something, but usually those are the places where there’s authenticity and honesty and transparency. So maybe something like that. Um, and then I know, I know you do, you do stuff around community for men.
And so I’m, I’m assuming based on your heart and who I know you to be, that, that, there’s probably some pretty honest, candid conversations going in, in, in your discipleship groups.
19:05 Chris Grainger
Exactly. And I mean, and for me, it’s all about, you just have to. You have to create the environment where guys are willing to be vulnerable and to do that, you have to be vulnerable yourself.
Right. And just kind of lean, just lean into that. And sometimes that scares guys and they’re like, no, I don’t wanna be vulnerable. Like, no, I got my stuff together. So for me, anytime I hear a guy, you know, it’s a classic church. You, you walk into church and Hey, how you doing? And whenever I hear somebody say, well, I’m blessed and highly favored.
I’m like, yeah. How are you really doing brother? Cause I know you, you know, there’s, there’s something then. So, I mean, I’m not saying you go up to everybody and be like, well, I got all this going on. Like you said, there, you have to be wisdom, but you do need to have those guys that you can just be real with.
Be like, you know, I’m struggling with this and you know, what, what, what, uh, what counsels do you have? I even started implementing recently in my personal life elders, you know, I’ve, I’ve got a few elders that are just, I’ve met through the line within. And I just reached out to those guys, like, look, bro, you’re you’re, you’re, you’re a seasoned you’re wise.
Can I come to you for counsel? And they’ve they’ve all said yes. And I’ve actually went to ’em uh, recently, and I found a lot of value in that, man, but I mean, again, you have to be willing to ask, you know, and have an uncomfortable cause they, so many guys, they just don’t wanna show any kinks in the armor, man.
Yeah. They just, you, I got, I cut it all together, you know?
20:21 Eric Wooten
Yeah. Which is an exhausting place to be doubt to act like you’re good when you’re not trying to hold it all together, trying to carry the weight of the world. That’s just exhausting, man. Yeah, bro
20:34 Chris Grainger
guys, we’ll right back.
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So, Eric, I’m curious, man. I’m I’m, I’m going to take us back to the marriage part. I mean, cuz I think that was a great going down that, that, that path around, um, groups and men’s groups and being able to have those brothers is important. I’m curious though, you worked with a lot of married couples. I know we, and the guys are listening to, they, they want to hear.
What you see, what are some common areas, man, that, that, that, that Christian couples in particular are struggling with in their marriage. Do you see any red threads that are just commonalities that keep coming up? Cause I, I, that may bring some value for our guys that are, that are listening right
21:55 Eric Wooten
Yeah. I mean, sadly the, uh, the, the more and more adopt couples, the more and more I find that, that most of the problems and marriages are not even relational problems or personal problems, meaning one, one or one, or both of ’em have not healed from, you know, either childhood wounds or past relationship wounds.
And so that prevents you from relating in a healthy way and relationship. And so what happens is a lot of times in counseling, you see, you know, they’re coming in. They’re like, well, we, you know, we can’t communicate, we can’t get this right. And when you really start digging into it, you know, the reason you can’t communicate is, is you got some unhealed stuff, right?
I mean, your spouse brings you something reasonable. Uh, some constructive feedback and, you know, you’re defensive, all these kind of things just because you haven’t dealt with, with past hurt. So a lot of the, a lot of the unhealthy relational dynamics are because individuals have not done personal healing.
And, and so I would say that’s probably, you know, number one, which, you know, that’s why the Bible, you know, is pretty clear that before you start pulling specs outta other people’s eyes, right. Look at the log in your own. But, but we, a lot of times we don’t even know. And you know, there there’s a whole, a whole field that we don’t have time to go in today on, you know, attachment styles that, and bonding that, you know, they say that our attachment style is developed in childhood based on, you know, what we either didn’t get or got too much of that we didn’t want in, in childhood.
And so we bring those tendencies. Uh, to our adult relationships and that’s how we relate and, and bond as adults. And so, you know, sometimes you, you get, uh, couples whose tendencies are like, you know, gas on fire with each other. You get somebody who who’s avoidant with somebody who has an anxious style, who, you know, is more clean and needy.
And the more clingy and needy you are, the more the avoidant person’s gonna pull away, which causes more, you know? So you just see these crazy cycles of if they were both healthy, we wouldn’t even talk about this. Um, right. So I think that’s probably number one is, is unde with personal stuff that makes mm-hmm relational dynamics unhealthy and dysfunctional.
Um, and then as far as relationship, I, I just think the biggest thing I I’ll always come back to is intentionality. A lot of people are just not. Regularly doing the things that need to be done to cultivate a healthy relationship. Cause relationship from my perspective is really simple. Not easy of course, cuz you know, we got issues, but, but I mean it’s just like gardening or, or farming or whatever, right.
If, if we’re trying to grow something, the way we grow it is we add things that make it grow the water fertilizer sun, and then we remove things that prevent growth weeds. And so marriage is just a lifelong process of are we inputting the things that cause us to thrive and grow and are we weeding out or removing the, the behaviors, attitudes, the things that are preventing our growth.
So for me, a couple that comes in and is, you know, it’s always communication, right? But it’s never communication is, is, is really the reality.
25:17 Chris Grainger
Because you, you, cause I thought that’s what you were gonna say, man. I thought you were gonna say communication. Cause that’s what, that’s what you
25:22 Eric Wooten
always hear. Right?
That’s that’s the number one presenting problem in counseling for couples, we just can’t communicate. The reality is, is I I’ll always start with the connection. Right? If you don’t feel connected to somebody you’re, you’re not your communication’s gonna suck. Like if I don’t like my wife, cuz I don’t feel connected to her, then you know, I’m gonna be impatient.
I’m gonna be rude. I’m not gonna be not. Right. Right. I have no motivation to act. Right. If I don’t really like it. Right. And so I’m always gonna start with connection, you know, what do you guys do on a regular basis, daily, weekly, monthly to connect with each other. And a lot of times the answer is no. So we we’ll usually start there.
Hey, let’s create a rhythm for your week where, you know, you’re, you’re having a couple nights a week. You’re at least spending 15 minutes connecting with each other. Um, cause cuz like, you know, going back to the whole gray, silver divorce thing. There’s a lot of interaction, but most couples who have kids jobs and other stuff going on, most of the conversations are gonna end up being logistical, problem solving conflict, resolving.
And I don’t know about you, but none of those are fun for me. Where’s the sitting on the couch, watching TV together. Where’s the playing a game, laughing together. Where’s the going out to eat and not talking about the kids and the bills and all that kind of stuff. Right. So I, I think, you know, a lot of times I, I’m gonna give people back to, let’s just start connecting and we’re, we’re not gonna have a whole lot of success resolving conflict if we don’t feel connected.
So I’ll, I’ll always start with connection and see if we can ramp that up a little bit and, and then start figuring out, okay. Now, now that we’re getting connected a little. What are some of the behaviors? What are some of the things that are causing disconnection of frustration and, and where can we mm-hmm where can we kinda, I, I use the analogy of closing the gaps, you know, where, where are our biggest gaps and differences and how can we close them?
Yeah. Often we’re not gonna meet in the middle. That that reality is, is sometimes not feasible. And I think a lot of couples waste energy trying to, you know, I’m a 10 and you’re a two and we gotta, you know, meet at six. It’s like, eh, we’re probably not gonna do that in some areas, but it, but if the 10 can come down to an eight and the two can come up to a four, then our gap in whatever area it is, if it’s intimacy, if it’s affection, if it’s communication, if it’s doing stuff together, a smaller gap will lead to less conflict and a little more enjoyment.
So where, where can we close some of these gaps that are causing frustration?
28:01 Chris Grainger
I love that analogy, man. Closing the gap. I definitely haven’t heard that one. When you said intentionality, you know, one thing came to my mind. I, part of our DEC of our Bible study group, one of the guys mentioned, we were talking about actually this topic came up last night.
We were talking about always be dating our wife mm-hmm and he’s. And he was, I believe he’s ex uh, ex army. So he’s, he he’s serving an army. He’s like I related to what, uh, a, uh, a skill that we learned in the army. And it basically said complacency kills. He’s like, anytime, like thinking, if you go through, if you’re doing the same thing, day in, day out, uh, in the army, you know, maybe this routine missions, that’s when you know, bad things happen, cuz you’re not paying attention.
You’re not tuned in. You’re not to your point being very intentional about, you know, being in the moment cuz you’ve, you’ve been there so many times before and bad and mistakes happen. So he was like, for me, I’m trying to get complacency outta my marriage and be more intentional. And, you know, and that may mean, like you said, planning dates and you know, not just talking logistics.
Cause I feel like that’s all parents and like married couples too. Just total logistics man. Where’s the intimacy at? So I just, I didn’t know if that resonated or not. Yeah,
29:12 Eric Wooten
no, absolutely. And, and part of the problem is if we’re not intentional with what conversations happen, when those logistical problem solving will, will come into every conversation because there’s so much of it.
And so I, I even know couples that have a date night and you know, what’d you talk about on date night? Well, we talked about the kids and our budget and cuz we really haven’t had time to sit down together and talk about that stuff. And for me that’s a crappy date night. I mean, I’m not right. I’m not looking to talk about that stuff.
And for a lot of couples who have no intentionality, I’ll recommend do a staff meeting once a week. And the staff, meeting’s the time to really, you know, talk about what’s coming up the next week. Maybe if they’re working on budget, you know, more of the business side, uh, it also provide, I would also use that, that time for couples to ask for feedback.
So let’s say we determine one of the areas in our relationship is I need to be more affectionate and you know, my wife needs to, uh, you know, be more present, not be on her phone or something. Maybe that that’s the stuff that come up. So I would often use that staff meeting as the time to evaluate and solicit feedback.
So at the staff meeting, I would ask my wife, Hey, how’d I do this week was, did I’ve been trying to work on affection? Did I do good? Give real feedback. Feedback always feels better when you ask for it, then when it’s just given involuntarily. So I think that that helps, but you can also talk about some of logistics, but when you, when you do that once a week, Now, what we’ve done is we’ve freed up some other times where we know we have that, that meeting once a week to talk about stuff.
So, you know, on a given Tuesday, Thursday night, it may come to my mind, but I say, you know what? I’ll just wait for the staff meeting Sunday, you know, let let’s just enjoy. So I think, you know, having the staff meeting, having a date night and then maybe one or two quick connections, 15 to 20 minutes after the kids go to bed, sit down, play a game.
If you like to play a game, you know, watch, watch a show if you like a show together, but just kind of neutral time where we’re just enjoying being together. We’re not really trying to resolve issues, solve conflict, that kind of stuff. So I think having some kind of rhythm where it’s like a staff meeting, maybe a date night and a couple quick connections can help couples who are disconnected, feel like we’re starting to connect again.
And, and we’re separating some of our time. This is. Fun connection time. No, no way for conflict to step in this conversation over here, staff meeting it, it may be, there may be a little bit of conflict cuz
31:49 Chris Grainger
we’re trying to deal with some stuff. Right. But I, so I mean, are you’re saying for, for these rhythms I’m I’m I’m I’m picturing cuz I just, my engineering brain, these are like on the calendar they’re they’re set.
I mean obviously the dates may change around and things like that, but you know what, for this time that you’re going in, this is a staff meeting or this time we’re going, this is a date. Yeah. Which means we’re not gonna be talking about kids. So that, that level of attention,
32:14 Eric Wooten
I, I, I think so. I, I think if, if my take is always this, if the things that you need to be happening in your marriage are happening organically and without a whole lot of planning, then I’m like ride the wave.
For a lot of couples, those things aren’t happening, dates, even talking sex, any, any of the stuff that we think’s important or not happening, I might put it on the calendar. So yeah, I would, I would say date nights, Friday night, uh, staff meeting is Sunday at seven Tuesday and Thursday. We’re gonna do a quick connection at nine o’clock after the kids go to bed.
I’ll I own Tuesday, you own Thursday, which means I decide what we do. So on Tuesday I like playing games. So we’re gonna play back game for 30 minutes or something on Thursday. You like watching a show or, or there there’s a million things to do, right? There’s little question cards for couples that can help facilitate conversations.
So maybe we’re gonna take 20 minutes. We’ll each pull out two cards and answer the questions on there just to facilitate some conversation. Yeah, I think that level of intentionality. For some couples is, will be required because otherwise they, they will not just spontaneously stumble into the good moments.
33:30 Chris Grainger
man. Hey guys, we’ll be right back.
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Eric, you, you mentioned something I’m curious on this, you know, you talked about Tuesday is your night. Thursday’s her night to pick, but I want, I wanna just pull that down a little bit on that Tuesday night. Cause I there’s there’s guys listen and they know their scripture and they, well, you know, it says in the Bible, you know, so far as husband, uh, wi submit to your husbands and we get this part way outta whack.
And we, we don’t really understand what the scripture’s telling us right there. So maybe unpack that for us, you know, instead of not being a dictator, what that scripture’s actually telling us do so far as making that, those wonderful marriages that we, that we ultimately want. . Yeah. I
34:55 Eric Wooten
mean, that, that, one’s always curious to me and, and granted, I use it in weddings too.
When I facilitate weddings, right. Ephesians 5 22 wives, submit to your husband. The problem is Ephesians 5 21 says submit one to another. So before we’ve ever gotten to wi submit to your husband, there’s already a mandate or command to for mutual submission. So I think you’ve already got it wrong. If you don’t have a mindset that the foundation of our marriage is mutual submission.
Mm-hmm , my heart should be it. And there’s lots of verses in a new Testament, right. You know, Paul’s letters. Oftentimes he talks about think not of your own interest, but at the interest of others, do not think more highly of yourself than you ought to. Right? There’s there’s clear mandate in scripture that your life’s not your own we’re stewards, right.
Stewards of our money, our body, our time and talent, you name it. So I think the foundation of marriage is first mutual submission, that, that we should have two people whose desire is the best interest of the other before the best interest of me. If I start, if I start there, then there’s no place for dictatorship to come in.
There’s no place for me to be like, Hey, you use 5.2 says, submit to me. Because then, you know, my wife will be like, okay, well, 5.5 says, lay your life down for me. So that’s right. That’s right. You know, it’s pretty easy. If, if, uh, you know, if I’m laying my life down, if I’m laying on the floor, you know, I’m not looking down on anybody, I’m, I’m in the lowest position possible.
So I, I, I think that that heart of servanthood, that heart of mutual submission should be found. If that’s foundational to me, we are never gonna have the conversation about, Hey, amen. You need to submit to me. And I think if men are fully submitted to Christ, right, there’s, there’s that hierarchy. If we’re, if we’re gonna go with the, you know, the biblical hierarchy of Christ man, woman, um, I think if, if the man is really submitted fully to God, I don’t know very many women that have a hard time.
Submitting themselves to a man who’s fully submitted to God. That’s, that’s a, that’s a pretty easy mm-hmm, , I’ve always thought that, that the women have the, the harder role, uh, even as far as, as, as submission goes. Cause it, you know, yeah. We, we are submitting our lives to God. They’re trusting in us to be submitted to God.
Right. It’s like, they’re gonna submit to a man who’s supposed to be submitted to God. Uh, that that’s a, that’d be a tougher road to hoe than just submitting to somebody who latest life on the pro. For me, that’s a, that’s a pretty easy go. So yeah. You know, I, I think if you’re having to have the, you need to submit to me conversation as a man, you’ve probably already missed the mark of, of how you’re supposed to be leading and, and that kind of stuff.
38:04 Chris Grainger
Right. You know, one thing I’m curious about so far is that submission piece, but we, we totally get that wrong. And we, we, we screw that up and sometimes I think guys just need some help understanding what that looks like and what that means. But also there’s so many guys, if they think they’re get, if they reach out to get help with their marriage, that it shows weakness and we got that wrong, you know, you don’t go in my opinion for counseling when it’s a train wreck, I mean, go ahead and go when things are working.
So you can, how, how you can make that good degree, you know, to quote that old business book. So, I mean, what, how do you help guys when they have that mindset of, you know what, man, I’m not going, cuz I. I don’t wanna show any kinks in my marriage whatsoever. How do you help them get over that, that mental hurdle if you will?
38:54 Eric Wooten
mean, I don’t know if there’s an easy way to get, get somebody over their pride. Right. I, I just think it’s a, it’s a wrong mentality. It doesn’t, to me, it doesn’t make sense. Right. What would make somebody think? They, they would naturally be good at something they’ve never done before. Like be married.
E even if you had a, I mean, I had a great example. My parents have a great marriage, um, but there’s a big difference between watching somebody else relate together and then like you get, it’s like watching the game and then stepping onto the field. , there’s a right. And, and, and no, nobody is good at something that they’ve never done.
Mm-hmm . So for me, I, I don’t understand this is the most important and also the most difficult relationship you’ll ever have. Because there there’s greater level of need and dependency and intimacy and vulnerability, you know, all that stuff that you, you can’t really practice it because you don’t have it like that in any, any other relationship.
So for me, I’m like our mentality should already be, do I need some help? That’s why everybody get married. Should, you know, do some premarital counseling. I need some help knowing what to look for, what to watch out for, what, what we’re gonna have to deal with. And then same thing in marriage. You, you’re not gonna, you’re not gonna know what to do.
I think our mentality has got to be, we all need co I mean, professional athletes have coaches and their pros at what they do, and they still have an outside set of eyes. So for me, a lot of times I look at, at whether it’s counseling or a class you take, or a conference or a book, there’s something powerful about something outside of the two of you.
Making a suggestion that you do something, it, it automatically neutral. So if I go to my wife and I’ve got an issue and I need her to hear my side, and she’s automatically gonna be a little bit defensive, I don’t care who, who you are when someone comes to you and kinda presents what you’re not doing.
Well, there’s an automatic defensiveness, right? But if me and her are sitting in a room and a third party suggest, Hey, you need to do X, or you should think about, or you should have this conversation. It immediately neutralize, it’s not me against you anymore. It’s kind of like us doing what we were told to do.
And there’s just a different perspective. Like if, if, if our counselor says, Hey, you know, you guys need to, you know, go for a 30 minute walk once a week. If I come to her and go, Hey, you wanna go on the walk? The counselor told us to do she’s less defensive cuz it wasn’t my idea. I’m not, I’m not gonna be as sensitive to rejection if she says, no, I don’t want to because it wasn’t my idea.
And so just having an outside third party tell you to do what you already should be doing, or maybe it, it just changes the whole ball game, um, across the board. So I, that’s why I think whether it’s a book, anything that’s not one of you, two telling the other what you should do automatically neutralizes the conversation.
It makes it easier. Um, so I, you know, I, I think that’s one event and then yeah, we don’t know what we don’t know. And so having an outside perspec, especially a professional who does this for a living, right. Who’s seen lots of situations who can, you know, add some value to what you’re doing. But yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me I guess.
And, and I know a lot of people have grown up like that and. What’s my business stays in my house and it ain’t nobody else’s business and you know, and which defies logic for me, cuz I’m like all the people that say that look at the past three generations, you all been dealing, dealing with the same stuff.
Right. If you’d have figured it out by now, you probably would’ve done it. So maybe you need some outside perspective, but yeah, that’s that we, we all need, we all need coaching. We all need help.
42:58 Chris Grainger
Well, I think the bigger thing there is that, that, that, that resonates with me and I’m sure a lot of listeners is the sports analogy.
I mean, Steph Curry has a coach. I mean, he, you know, he, he has a coach. Who’s critiquing him, who’s helping him. He doesn’t just show up and drain, you know, 30 threes in a night. I mean, he, he has a coach that is helping him along the way. And I mean, to think that to your point, we’re gonna figure out this, the hardest relationship in life alone.
You know, with, with, you know, just, just on our own man, that’s that’s, to me, that’s just daunting and like, why do it that way? And, and I love that advice. Cause I know for, for me, my wife, you know, I’ve shared on the show, we, we do counseling cause we’re trying to take our marriage to the next level. We to have that super connection.
And sometimes just having that third party has brought so many ideas to us that, you know, it’s not my idea. It’s not her idea, like you said, but we can come together and, and which we’re more willing to try new things when they bring up, you know, these, these ideas and these topics versus. If we were just to, to come up, if I was to come at her, you know, with things that I just, you know, baked up in my brain.
44:03 Eric Wooten
that, that’s why I think, you know, even going back to the rhythm we talked about and intentional rhythm each week. Yeah. I think couples need an intentional, you know, annual rhythm as well, that, that, you know, couples should be taking a, going to a conference or taking a four to six week marriage class or going on a weekend marriage retreat, or just something every year to kinda stoke that energy again, maybe give you some new insights and, and we keep changing.
So I think, you know, we need insights into our marriage in different seasons that there may be something in this season that we’re dealing with, uh, that we didn’t deal with in a past season.
44:41 Chris Grainger
Well, I mean, um, I’m so glad you went there cuz one area I was hoping we to touch on is investing. You know, one, a lot of times we think investing and we talk about that on the line within us, around, you know, just careers and finances and things like that.
But. There’s also an investment you need to make in your marriage and, and start really. And sometimes that means you start have to start budgeting for, you know, the getaways, like you talked about, or some of these training events or counseling, you have to put that into your budget. But I mean, give us some ideas or some tips around the importance of investing in our marriage.
45:11 Eric Wooten
Yeah, I man, it’s it is. It’s like anything else, if, if you don’t invest in something, if you don’t put energy into something it’s not gonna improve. Right. I mean, our, the deep, the default, right? Is we nobody drifts into greatness, right? The default is you, you fade into dis disconnection and atrophy and everything else.
If I, if I lay in bed for four months, all my muscles, atrophy, and, and so, mm it’s like anything else you, you’ve got to spend time working on. All the aspects of relationship. And I think that, again, going back to the grade divorces, they stop, stop developing the friendship, you know what, right. How do you build a friendship?
You do stuff together. You talk, you spend time, you have experiences. And so when you stop doing all that, and it’s just the business side of marriage, you, you’re not gonna develop it. Yeah. So yeah, I think, you know, my, my personal thought would be, yeah, I think it, it, at least once a year, you’re taking some kind of four, six week class, uh, or going to a marriage conference, um, being a part of, I mean, there, there’s so many things out there, so many resources available now, both in person and online.
Um, but yeah, I think you, you, you wanna have something on your calendar that says, you know, and, and again, some of the stuff depends on resources and freedom and that kind of stuff, but I think, you know, Overnight or getaway, you know, right. Quarterly would be great, but even a couple times a year, uh, away from the kids and just with your spouse, you know, would be helpful as well.
Well, I’m glad
46:57 Chris Grainger
you threw that last little part in there. Cuz a lot of these guys are thinking they’re do that, but they’re gonna drag the kids along. But I think that that defeats the purpose, right?
47:04 Eric Wooten
That, yeah, it, my, my take has always been vacation with kids is not vacation as work that’s right. Like the kids are having fun at Disneyland stuff.
That’s that’s heavy work. Yeah. Um, and so yeah. Yeah. I, I think you’ve got to, if you have the means now, you know, and, and people will go back and forth, well, we can’t afford two vacations. And so, you know, I feel bad for the kids if we don’t. Okay. Well, figure something out. Right? E even if it’s just, uh, overnight or something with your spouse, you can, you can get a lot done in two full days with a overnight stay somewhere.
If, if you don’t have the funds to take a five day vacation without the kids. But you gotta do some stuff without the kids. Like you say, they’re coming. But the goal is we get rid of ’em. This is a stewardship project. That’s right. That God gives them to us for a season. We do the best to raise them up and then we send them out.
47:55 Chris Grainger
That’s right. That’s right. I mean, I think it’s so important. And like you said, if you, we have to make that a priority and if we make it a priority, we’ll figure out ways and we may have to get creative. I mean, you may have to really get creative and it’s it’s maybe you get the in-laws to watch the kids for that one or two nights.
And so that you don’t have to, you know, pay for, for a babysitter or things. Like, I, I don’t know, but I know one thing if you take, if you, if you make that a, a line in the sand that you’re going to spend, that one-on-one time with your spouse on a regular cadence, I can’t see, but anything but good coming from that.
48:28 Eric Wooten
And fi if, if you don’t have, you know, some people don’t have family around, I promise you. Find another couple. There’s another couple that would love tag team it and, and just swap, be like, Hey, we, we wanna date night every other Friday. So this Friday we’ll watch your kids. You guys go out next Friday, you watch our kids.
We’ll go out. We’ll just have a little rhythm. And, and then now, now you got accountability in there cuz you got another couple. That’s doing the same thing you are. You’re helping another couple. You’re you’re swapping childcare. Yeah. There’s there’s lots of ways to be created if you don’t have the funds.
49:06 Chris Grainger
That’s awesome. Hey guys, we’ll take our last break. We’ll be right back
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So Eric man, this has been a ton of insight. I mean, you just unpack so many areas that I know our guys they could take right now and start implementing some of these things in their marriages and, and make a really big impact. And I’m curious, you mentioned at the beginning, you started this, this altered marriage love for you to share about that and give us, give us a little bit about what you’re doing, how you’re trying to serve others, particularly Christian couples to make, uh, these, these awesome marriages out.
50:24 Eric Wooten
Yeah. So, you know, I mean, we’ve been talking a lot about intentionality. And so for me, I think the, if, if I, you know, people are always like, what’s the, you know, seven keys to, you know, we make up all kinds of stuff. Cause sounds good for YouTube videos and stuff. That’s right. But I really do believe, like if I had to break down the three pillars for me of, of, you know, healthy marriage would be, uh, you know, intentionality, which we’ve been talking about.
Yeah. You just, there’s no way around that. The belief that the movies portray and everything else that everything great happens spontaneously and organically is not reality. Mm-hmm , if you’re not intentional, you will have a business marriage at some point with nothing else. So intentionality, uh, community, you know, you and I are both believers.
Getting other good people around you, um, for growth. And then the, the one I talked about before personal responsibility, which just is, you know, I’ve, I’ve got a relational responsibility with my wife to the marriage, but I also have a personal responsibility to the marriage to be as healthy as I can individually.
And, uh, so, so those three pillars kinda at least drive my mindset on everything I do. So, you know, I do counseling, I’m a counselor, so that will always be an aspect of stuff. I do. I do that, all that, you know, thank thanks for COVID. Um, yeah, it’s all zoom now and I’m never going back in an office, people call now and they’re like, Hey, are you doing in person?
Absolutely not. Um, I’m not worried about COVID anymore, but this is just too convenient to, uh, right. Do it via via zoom. And I don’t feel like I lose anything and I don’t feel like driving to an office. So I do counseling. Uh, I do a, uh, Both a six. I was doing a six week marriage class. I’ve cut it back to four.
Uh, I do a live zoom marriage class, the marriage blueprint, uh, masterclass online. And I’ll do that three to four times a year. Right. Uh, as well, um, have a marriage membership. And so again, this, this goes back to the community component. Right? One thing I loved about being serving in the local church was the community that was built in.
And so for me launching my own thing, that was one of my first really concerns was I wanna be able to break community for couples. Um, and so been able to do that through, through a marriage membership that has both access to. Videos and worksheets and stuff that couples can do on their own, but also a community aspect where we’ve got a platform where they can communicate with each other.
And wives can talk to wives and husbands and talk to husbands and we can ask questions and engage. And then we do like a live zoom call once a month that we have a once a month ladies, ladies night, zoom call that, that a gal in the community runs. And so just trying to create a membership community for couples, uh, who can, you know, are all trying to be intentional and do the same thing.
Cause a lot of people don’t have people in their community or around them who are being intentional or, or maybe don’t feel comfortable having those conversations right. With those people. And so to get in the community where you’re like, oh man, these people are talking about this stuff in here. Oh, this is fantastic.
Yeah. Um, so I have the membership and then, uh, also do like four day retreats. And so like this October, I’ve got a couple coming up in Mexico. Where we’ll take a limit like eight couples, uh, for a four day, three night. Basically I call it the marriage experience. Uh, yeah, but we’ll have, you know, have some fun time too, but also some, uh, pretty, pretty good intentional stuff working on the marriage, uh, through some sessions together.
So just kind of holistically trying to provide some different environments for couples to have community be intentional and, and work on their marriages,
54:12 Chris Grainger
man. That is awesome. Well, we’ll make sure we sync that up in the show notes for you guys. If you wanna check that out now, Eric, the last thing we do on the line within it’s for every guest, we, we call it feeding time, man.
Okay. So this is, is where we’re gonna come lightning round. I got a few questions, but it kind of, I like just for, for our guests. For our listeners rather to get to know our guests a little bit more, we’ve been talking pretty heavy on a pretty, uh, very important topic, but this is more about you and, uh, you’re willing to play, man.
We’ll jump right in. Yeah. Let’s let’s play all, bro. Well, what’s the, what’s your favorite thing
54:44 Eric Wooten
about God? My favorite thing about God, grace. Yeah. That’s easy. Grace,
54:49 Chris Grainger
Grace Love it. What’s your least favorite thing about Satan
54:55 Eric Wooten
uh, persistence. that’s a great ideas. He’s smart too. That, that he knows, uh, he, he just knows our thing.
He knows our trigger. And so it’s, uh, and, and I see that both personally, but also in couple’s lives. So many times you see people who have not healed an area, he’ll show up with the same thing in a different way. Right. And so you’d be like, dang, he got me again. It looked different, but he got me again. It still that same Mary I’ve not healed and allowed.
God’s brace to cover that. I’m still trying to own. So yeah, I would say his persistence and, uh, his craftiness.
55:36 Chris Grainger
I hear you, man, that he, he definitely is crafty and persistence. So what’s, uh, what’s something Navy that you’re struggling with right now. We, we talked about a lot, a lot on the line with us about stuff that guys are really battling.
So anything that you’re, that you’re struggling with.
55:48 Eric Wooten
Yeah, definitely. Um, I’ve realized this past two years kind of, this is my first time kind of, I guess I’m a solo entrepreneur. Yeah. Launching my own thing. Right. I’ve been in church ministry where you kind of just walk in the box. So, uh, I’ve realized I’m way more emotional than I ever thought I was this last two years.
So riding the waves of. Oh, this is great. I’m going in the right direction. And then, oh, nobody wants to sign up for this. I’m a failure. I should probably quit tomorrow. You know, just riding that wave. So I would say that’s, that is my biggest area of struggle right now is trusting the process, right? Not being impatient and knowing this is what I’m called to do, right.
This is what I’m passionate and gifted to do. And if I just stay faithful, you know, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but, but too many times, I’ll I’ll second guess and, and get frustrated and struggle. So that’s my biggest struggle right now is just, um, frankly, some days you just feel like giving up, you kinda like, God, this is, this is never gonna get to where I thought it’s gonna get.
So that’s my biggest right. Hurdle, right?
56:58 Chris Grainger
Plus you’re doing ministry work too, man. So you got Satan constantly attacking M
57:02 Eric Wooten
too. And there’s always that. Yep.
57:04 Chris Grainger
Yeah. And I, and I didn’t realize the magnitude of that until I started lying within us. And now I’m like, wow, I get why a lot of guys don’t do this road because yeah.
Oh yeah. You know, cause it’s like this, this is legit spiritual warfare, man. And it’s, and I’m with you? The, the hurdles, the, the emotional highs and lows, uh, just within the last eight months since we started the show, man, it’s been, it’s been incredible. I, I, I pray my wife can hang with me through it. She’s, she’s, she’s a trooper, but it’s, uh, some days are good.
Some days are tough, man. Particularly, I, I feel you there, brother. So what’s, uh, what’s something that you spent too much time doing, uh, last year, too much
57:44 Eric Wooten
time doing, um, galley. That’s a, that’s a great question. I would say I spent too much time. Watching or listening to too many different webinar podcasts, you know, I’ve been in growth mode.
Ah, cause everything I’m doing is new. Right. So, so some of it is good. Right. I don’t know what I’m doing. So let me go find the person who’s been doing this 10 years and has success and learn from that’s good. Right. But I think there’s also a level where it’s like, I’ve got enough information now gotta act right.
I need to, I need to tone down. And I like learning. I need to tone down my learning and turn up my execution on what I know now. And then let me go learn later. So I almost feel like there’s this learning growth and then I just need to, I need to plateau and work and then I can go learn again. So I think I spent too much time learning more stuff that’s not applicable right now.
Mm-hmm . Instead of do some work and you can think it’s work, cuz you’re like, oh, I’m researching. And uh, and you can feel good about it, but it’s not moving the needle of, of doing what you need to do. So I spent too much time learning stuff I can’t use right now,
59:10 Chris Grainger
bro. That was the best answer I’ve gotten.
What, for me that was the best answer I’ve gotten in that question so far, because I feel like you’re speaking through me on that one, man. Um, turn down the learning and turn up the execution. Like I, I love it, bro. That was awesome. Uh, two questions left. Yeah, what’s a, what’s a new habit that you wanna
59:26 Eric Wooten
create this year.
A new habit. Uh, I think one of the new habits I’ve realized I have to is just I’m I’m doing better at, at batching content. Oh, okay. Um, and so I think while I’m getting to a place, you know, with a YouTube channel video that I put out every week, a podcast that I put out every week and then creating video for membership and.
You know, social media and stuff. Uh, I think gone are the days of just do it as we go. Right. And I’m learning to, to batch. So I, I did a pretty good, um, earlier this month I got like all my calendar mapped out for the rest of the year of what videos I wanna put in membership and what videos through, I think the end of September, um, that I’m putting into, uh, YouTube.
And so, and like four weeks ahead on that, stuff’s already loaded up in YouTube and all that kind of stuff. So that’s the new habit. I, I gotta get better at, at batching some stuff. Yeah. If I’m gonna keep this going.
1:00:33 Chris Grainger
Oh bro. If you’re a creator and, and I’m right there with you, you have to batch or else you’ll drive yourself crazy, man.
So, I mean, , it’s just for me. That’s, that’s what it’s all about. Gross. If you. The guys that live week to week on stuff like that, man. I don’t know how they do it. It would, it would completely stress me out. No, it’s, it’s easier when,
1:00:50 Eric Wooten
when there’s not a lot of other pressures, but I think what, yeah. When you start looking at the, the long game.
1:00:57 Chris Grainger
Right, right. Well the last question, man, what’s one thing you hope people, the guys that are listening right now, remember from our conversation today,
1:01:07 Eric Wooten
I would just say, I hope they remember if I want a good marriage, I’ve gotta be intentional. Right. I see it. I, I, I can’t leave it up to chance and, and yeah.
What, whatever they don’t have in their marriage right now that they wish they had. I promise intentionality will get ’em there.
1:01:25 Chris Grainger
I love it. So where, where do you want guys to connect with you at? Where can they learn more about altered marriage and things like
1:01:31 Eric Wooten
that? Yeah, I think, uh, the website’s obviously easy altered marriage.com and that’s a LT, a R E D.
Dot com or my YouTube channel is called relat shop. So if they just want some free relationship content to go check out, they can check that out as well.
1:01:49 Chris Grainger
Okay. We’ll make sure that both of those are synced up for you guys, Eric, anything else you’d like to share with us today on the line with this? I don’t think
1:01:56 Eric Wooten
I think we’ve talked about quite a bit of stuff. I appreciate you having me on here and, and love what you’re trying to do as
1:02:02 Chris Grainger
well. Amen, bro. This has been awesome. So thank you so much, buddy, for coming on. You
1:02:06 Eric Wooten
bet. Talk to you soon
1:02:10 Chris Grainger
is your daily routine setting you up for success or failure. Each day is an opportunity to improve and it starts with solid habits. We created a guide that outlines nine powerful habits that will strengthen the physical, mental, and spiritual areas of your life. To get your free guide, check out the link of show notes or hop over to the line within.us/habits.
That’s the line within.us/habits. And start creating the habits. You need to be the leader, your predestined to be
guys. I told you, did I not warn you? I mean, Eric, he brought it. He brought so much wisdom to us guys. I tell you what, you know, those, the, the area of intentionality, community, personal responsibility, they’re huge. They’re huge. And it’s making sure that we’re not just being complacent, that we’re being super intentional about our marriage, that we’re working, where we can to close those gaps.
Right? Close the gap. We got to focus on that. So guys, there was a ton of wisdom that he shared here. Go back, listen again, again, share this one with your wife, listen to the, to it with her. And you know what, if you want a, a crazy, amazing marriage, it’s gonna take work. You’re gonna have to lean in and actually make it a priority.
But if you do guys, if you do so much good, so much is waiting. It is. But it’s not gonna happen by accident. So guys, I pray that this, this conversation helped you. I want you to be thinking about this week. Do you have a magnetic marriage? Is it, or is it Luke warm? And you know what? Just because it’s Luke warm guys doesn’t mean it can’t be the burning on, on, on, on fire with desire.
It just takes work. Anything worth. It is going. You have to put a work in fellas. That’s just the way it is. So again, maybe share this one with your wife. Thank you for listening. Go, go check out the line within.us. Join the lines den. You need to definitely do that. If you Haven not done that yet, what are you waiting on?
Come on, join the group, cuz then we’ll be able to connect with you. We’ll be able to figure out how we can serve you. We’re again, we’re moving a lot of things here at the line within us. We’ve got Bible studies. We’re, we’re working towards membership. There are a lot of moving pieces and you need to be plugged in so that when they come, you’ll be able to take that and act.
Give us a rating and review that that’s a huge help. If you don’t do anything else, maybe you wanna be a donor to, to show, be a monthly donor, check out, you know, join, go to the website in line within us, again, be a donor, maybe check out the Bible, study the 10 scriptures that you need to fight like a line guys.
We have resources we have built to serve you. So you gotta go use them lean into ’em. So guys, again, thank you so much for taking the time. There’s so many podcasts that are out there, but you spent the time with the line with Dennis. It means the world we’re trying to do all we can to serve you. We’re trying to do all we can every week to bring you conversations.
That that make an impact that are not just wasting your time. Cuz we’re trying to give you truth, truth to help build confidence, to be that leader, your predestined to be you’re not gonna build it on, on the, the lies of the world. We’re gonna bring you the truth, but we’re gonna stand on that. A lot of times it’s not popular.
What we say is not popular. That’s okay. Cause what we say is right. You know why? Cause God’s word we’re following that. That’s the manual. that’s the manual for the line within us. We’re gonna stand on a word of God. We’re gonna, we’re gonna try to simplify and help you guys apply these principles into your life.
So I pray you have a magnetic marriage. I pray. This helps you have a more dynamic marriage. Lean in guys. Take this seriously. Come back on Friday. Got some good tips. I think you’re not gonna wanna miss the tips on Friday. The, the health, well, self I’m really tie some of this stuff together. Guys also gonna pull in the book of the week and you don’t forget.
Does dad jokes are coming so enjoy your day. Get after it, have some fun, share this with others and get out and unleash the lion within.
Eric explores areas that will make an impact including:
- Ways to prioritize the relationship
- Power of brotherhood to strengthen your marriage
- Childhood/past relationship wounds
- Being connected (not communication) – there is a difference
- Submission and serving
- Intentional Rhythms
- Marriage investments that lead to success
By taking the time to listen to this conversation you are moving in the right direction to a magnetic marriage. Listen with your wife as it may lead to conversations that could completely change the trajectory of your marriage.
Be intentional, be vulnerable, lead with grace and unleash the Lion Within!
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