In this episode:
Is marriage a covenant or contract?
In this Fun Friday Chris reviews some of the lessons learned from Marcus Farris and how we can respond when issues arise in marriage. We must remember that every Christian marriage is under attack and it is our duty to stand up and fight.
The takeaway was tools that he put in place that he found very useful for processing the grief, the anger, the hurt, the depression; all the things that come through a stressful trial like a divorce. Click To Tweet Chris Grainger
I’m, I’m with you. I’m with you. So let’s have, let’s have a little bit of fun here. Wrap this up for our fun Friday and then we’ll, we’ll head into the weekend. The right. So we’re gonna start every episode with scripture because it’s important. It’s important to get in God’s word every day. So this is one verse out of the cha uh, AF out of the book of John, chapter 12, verse 24.
Very truly, I tell you, unless aker of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. Go back to the spiritual kickoff. If you missed that con that. You don’t want to, you don’t. You don’t want to just go forth and just, just, and just miss it. You need to go back because I unpacked that verse in detail and I tell you what guys, I gave you some weights.
You can simplify and apply this to your life, and that’s really important. It’s cool that we know God’s word. It’s another thing to actually apply it. So there you go. Now, if you missed a conversation on Wednesday, go. Particularly if you know people or maybe you’re going through yourself, someone who’s gone through a divorce or a separation, because we unpacked a lot.
So I had Marcus Ferris on, he talked about his book, no Less Faithful, how the Scholars Divorce Revealed the Heart of God, and how Marcus walked through that, how he found that infidelity was happening in his marriage and how that impacted. And where he’s at now. The tools, the big thing we had were some takeaway was some tools that he put in place that he found very useful for processing the grief, for processing, you know, the anger, the hurt, the, the, uh, depression, all the things that come through a stressful trial, like a divorce.
And again, guys, I’ve, I’ve walked that road myself. So it was a good conversation with Marcus, you know, to, to understand. Different ways that you can take action right now. So maybe you’re, you’re, you’re not going through divorce. Maybe you, that’s not even on the table, but I guarantee you with the divorce rates the way they are, guys, you know somebody or you’re gonna come across the path to someone who’s going to go through this.
They are, it’s just gonna happen. The statistics are just too high to ignore it. So having some tools, some resources, some things you can share with a brother when they’re going through things like this, it’s important. And you can’t just hide it. You can’t just hide it and, and be ignorant, be helpful. That could be a simple way to just take some of the things that we talked about.
And then when that brother comes to you and, and talks about the divorce, you’ll be in a much better position to serve him, to help him and to, to, to be there, to put your arm around and like, I got you bro. Let’s do. So there you go. Go check out that episode. Now, for our win, for our Fun Fridays, you know we’re gonna have a health tip, a wealth tip, and a self tip, right?
All right. Now I kind of put these tips around marriage because I want you guys to never walk the rotor divorce. I, I, I, I want that to never happen. You also need to remember, Satan wants your marriage to fail. I talked about that. He does want your marriage to fail. So I’m gonna give you three tips here that really all design around marriage.
So hopefully for you guys that, that are married, you’re hearing this, you can take some of this and, and, and put it into practice. So the first tip, the health tip, I want you to care about your wife’s mental health, okay? For mental health, marriage, motherhood, career, man, your, your wife, your spouse. She has a ton of stressors and we can’t fully underst.
We’re, we’re dads. If you happen to be blessed to be a dad, you’re a dad. You have no clue what it’s like to be a mom. I can’t talk to what it’s like about me to be a mom, cuz I’m not a mom, I’m a dad. So we need to understand that and we need to regularly check in with them and see how they’re doing and we start, need to start asking more questions and talking less simply.
Listen. And when you do this, here’s your, here’s the ultimate tip, don’t try to fix. Just listen. Okay. We gotta, we gotta take the time just to be quiet. If she asks for your input, then that’s different cuz then you can offer advice and, but well, even when you do that, I’m gonna tell you right now, proceed with caution.
Okay? Cause what she, what she, what you’re trying to give her here is in an environment where she feels safe to share with you what’s really going on in her. And a really great way to, to get this and to make this part of, of your wife’s, you know, just the, the way that you guys are together is you, do, you be, you take the lead, you open up more about how things are going for you mentally.
What are you struggling with if you’re stressed out? How about take this advice, verbalize it. Don’t just keep it inside. Tell her. Show her you care and take action by checking in with her. Mental health’s a real deal, guys. That’s why we talk about this is health. It’s not just body, it’s mind. We need to make sure we’re doing all we can to take care of each other.
Stress is killing so many marriages, just people in general. Uh, so we need to make sure we’re, we’re doing all we can. If they’re the most important, important person to us outside of Jesus Christ, then we need to take the. See how they’re doing mentally. Okay? And that is caring and that’s gonna strengthen your marriage.
All right? Now, wealth tip. If you’re married, there should only be joint accounts, period. You know, I’ve coached couples, they have separate accounts, and when I hear that, immediately flags go up. Flags they just go up. So if you’re married, quit playing a roommate game. Stop it. Okay? There’s no. Or her money, it’s ours.
Say that with me. There’s no my or her money, it’s ours. Cuz outside of infidelity boys finances, they’re the biggest driver of divorce and much of that is because there’s no unity. You gotta get unity in your finances and you can’t do that if you have all these multiple accounts running around. And if you’re trying to justify while you have separate accounts, you know, I’m just gonna have just, I’m just gonna tell you straight up, you’re.
You’re not gonna be able to justify this at the root, at the root, the core, there’s something with trust. It’s either in you or you don’t trust her, or there’s something. And either you’re in this together to glorify God or you’re not one of two. So go ahead today, mercy accounts, shut ’em down, and be the stewards that you’re called to be.
So there should be no secret accounts, hidden accounts, anything like that. Accounts at another little bank just to have me a little fun. Money, just a little. It’s just a little safety money. That’s cool. Her names needs to be on the account. I agree. You should have accounts at multiple banks, don’t get me wrong.
There difference is her name needs to be on them just like yours. So go ahead and, and, and make sure that you’re aligned with your bank accounts cuz that is so. Now your self tip. This is a little bit easier one, probably easier for ’em to swap for some of you guys to swallow versus that, that wealth one, but this isn’t, this is important.
Never underestimate the power of a handwritten note. Okay? Now your wife, think about it. She gets emails, text messages, dms all day long just ain’t about how many you get, right? They they, same thing. And while a cute message and a good a little gift is, is fun to send her, it may make her smile. Cause I know I can make back a smile if I send her certain gifts I know or, or roll her eyes.
A lot of times. I can guarantee you if you take that time to write her a little simple love note or message that’s going brighten her day like nothing else. You know, a trick I do from time to time that I try to write something on a napkin or a little note and I slip in their lunchbox. So at some point in that day, whether she gets hungry in a snack in the morning or at lunchtime, she’s gonna find that little surprise.
And that’s gonna be a way for me to show her how much I love her in the middle of the day. Right. And let’s face it, we cannot tell our whys enough, how much we love them, especially soon. They’re putting up with all our crap. I mean, so let’s just be real with it. I mean, they’re putting up our stuff, then we need to go above and beyond to make sure that they know that we.
So go ahead and dish the electronics. Now, I’m not saying don’t text your wife, don’t take this tip as that. What I am saying is get that pen and paper out and show her in writing how special she truly is. Guys, there is something about it. You know, Marcus and I actually talked about, you know, how, how taking a pen and paper, that’s, that’s a great therapy, but it’s also just a great way and nobody does this anymore to just show old school.
I love you. And the note could be as simple. Hey, babe. I hope you have a wonderful day. You’re on my mind a lot. Just want you to know I love you, I’m praying for you, and I’m so honored to be your husband. Love and sign your name. A little note like that. Boys. I’m gonna tell you what game changing stuff. So what does it take?
30 seconds a minute. Now, if you wanna write a long letter, fine. That, that may take you a little bit longer, but just a little, the, the, the fact that you thought about it and you took. That’s what I’m challenging you to do. So there’s your three tips, your health, wealth, and self tips. So your health tip, just to recap, make sure that we care about our wife’s mental health and check in with her wealth tip.
You got joint. If you have any separate accounts that are not joint bank accounts, shut ’em down. If you’re married, quit playing roommate game. Put all your money needs to be together. Marriage means unity. Need. We need to unite our. Period. She needs access to all of it. And self tip, don’t un, don’t underestimate the power of a handwritten.
There you go guys. So for your book of the week, big surprise. It’s right here. No Less Faithful. How The Scars Are Divorced, reveal the Heart of God. This is Marcus’s book. It is a great little book. It, it’s, it’s not a, a long book. So let’s see. It’s 120 something pages, maybe a hundred, 118 pages. So it’s one you could read, you know, and, and sit down and really get some good insight.
I really like Marcus. He’s a great guy. Well, the cool things he’s got going on, so check out the show notes. We’ll have a link to that book as well if you wanna add that to, to your library. So let’s get to our dad jokes for this week. So we have two dad jokes as usual. I wanna know which one you liked the best.
So, dad joke number one. My wife and I were arguing on who’s turn it was to do the laundry. Finally, I threw in the towel. There you go. That’s number one Number. My neighbor and I are good friends and decided to share our water supply. We got a long well , so there you go, guys. Number one, my wife and I were arguing on whose turn it was to do a laundry.
Finally, I threw in the towel. Number two, my neighbor and I are good friends and we decided to share our water supply. We got along well, . So let me know. You know what? Remember eye rolls do count. I’m okay with that. So number one, number two, just, and if you have a dad joke, connect with us. Look, send it in, submit it.
If we use it, we’ll give you a shout out on the podcast, uh, for using your dad joke. But the best way to just submit those dad jokes are directly within our community. I’m gonna tell you what guys, that’s, that’s the only way you’re gonna give ’em to us is get inside a communities. But the question for this week, we talked a lot about.
And, and divorce. And the way that that has rocked so many Christians across the board, and I want you to think about this, is our, is marriage a covenant or a contract? And think about how you treat it. I talk about this a lot. So the contract being, if you then I, the con, the covenant being, no matter what I do, we need to get rid of that contractual type thinking when it comes to our marriages.
Cuz it’s not a contract, it’s a covenant that you took before God. And the old point of marriage, the whole. Is to glorify him. That’s it. So you gotta make sure he’s at the center and that your, your, your spouse. She’s not gonna complete you, you’re not gonna complete her. That’s that, that’s ridiculous thinking.
The only thing that completes either one of you is Jesus Christ. So put him at the center. Let him got everything that you do as you lead your wife. And guys, if you do that and you’re doing it in the, in the construct and the way that, that God has designed marriage, it’s going to be be. Is it always gonna be easy?
No, but it will glorify him, and that’s what it’s all about. So guys, I would encourage you to give, you know, go out there, uh, give this podcast, share this one out. You know, hit, hit, hit share episode, text it to someone, give us a rating, write a review. But the one thing that you can do to take the biggest action, maybe you’re, if you’re struggling with this, or you know, someone who has, who struggled with divorce or separation, or just, just want a better marriage in.
You gotta get in our community, our community is where everything’s happening. That’s where, where all the action’s at. That’s where I’m at on a regular basis, directly having one-on-one conversations with guys. We have a lot of live events. We have our Ask me anything events, Bible study, lion, lunches, masterminds.
Guys, I’m tell you what, it’s happening inside the community and you are. Gonna be able to grow and be and to to be that leader God intends you to be if you’re just by yourself. So if you need that support, we’re here for you. Jump in. It’s a 30 day free trial for you to just try it out. Hop in, see if you like it, see if this brings value to you and your walk and your life.
And I guarantee if you just take a little bit of time and check it out and see the different things we’ve built. We’re building courses, we have two courses, and we have several and more things that are in the work that are happening, right? Guys we’re building things to help you be that leader God intends you to be.
And we understand it’s hard. It is hard for a Christian man out there right now, but also know that together the iron sharpens iron. And we’ve built a community where these guys are leaning in on each other. And there’s no question, there is no question that that, that’s that you can’t ask. And that we’re knock on approach with biblical truth and sometimes it’s.
Sometimes the answers you will give you are not gonna be the ones that you want. They’re gonna be the right ones. Cause we’re gonna challenge you and we’re also going, if you’re looking for that accountability, you need someone to hold you accountable. That’s what we’re here for. We have a lot of accountability built into the, to the community.
And the guy’s gonna check you. So maybe you have some health goals that you want to get. Maybe you have some career goals, some finance goals. Maybe you have some marriage goals and parenting goals, whatever they. I guarantee you the guys was in the community. We’re here, we’re gonna help you get there. And they’re again, iron sharpens iron fellas.
So join me in the community, go to the line within us, join that again, 30 days for free. Check it out. Love to see you there. So if you come back next week, more. Wonderful insight that we’re gonna be bringing to you guys to try to really help you grow, be that man that God called you to be. So thank you again.
There’s so many other podcasts you be that you can listen to, but you just took the time to listen to the line within us. That means the world to me. It’s a ton of work for us to, to crank this out week in and week out. But we love you guys. We’re trying to, we’re trying to serve you and ultimately, We’re doing what he’s called us to do, and that’s what it’s all about.
So get after this weekend, fellas, have some fun. Make sure go ahead and write to your wife that, that little love note. Don’t forget to do that. And don’t forget to unleash the lion within.
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In true Fun Friday fashion there are health, wealth and self tips designed to help you grow. For this week lean into the wealth tip and if you find yourself in this scenario take action now. Let us know which dad jokes land the best and remember eye rolls count!
Book of the week: No Less Faithful by Marcus Farris
We pray that you find strength and encouragement to fight for your marriage. Together we can all unleash the Lion Within.
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