In this episode:
It’s time to take ownership and move forward.
In this hard hitting conversation we welcome Dr. John Delony to the show and this gets real, raw and practical. Dr. Delony serves as one of Dave Ramsey’s top personalities and he tackles the hard issues head on.
They're worth being loved. That they're not a burden. Click To Tweet Dr. John Delony
Welcome to the Lion Within Us, a podcast sermon, Christian men who are hungry to be the leaders God intends you to be. I’m your host, Chris Granger. Let’s jump in. All right guys. It’s your meat episode of the week and I am excited to have you here and this is a good one. Guys are gonna really enjoy this conversation.
But before we get too far, let’s read our scripture of the week. Okay, so we’re in one John, so one John chapter four. We’re gonna be looking at two verses seven and eight. It says, beloved, let’s love one another. For love is from God. And everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. The one who does not love, does not know God because God is love.
So God love that scripture. Go back, check out the spiritual kickoff. I really unpack that. Give you some insights and things to talk to think about. Cause I’ll tell you what guys, it’s so important just to have God’s word and not just, just, just to hear it. As we need to actually apply it and take it into our life and understand how we can take this, this beautiful thing, close the God’s word and start walking it out.
So I’m so excited to to have that scripture for you guys this week and I’m pretty pumped up. As you can tell, I’m pumped up for this one cuz I have on the show today. Dr. John Deloney. Some of you guys may, may know him. So he works over at, at Ramsey Solutions. He works with Dave himself. He’s one of the personalities.
He has a wonderful podcast. My wife loves it. Uh, by the way, he gives a shout out to her, so you guys are gonna hear that as well. But he, Dr. John Deloney, he had his bachelor’s of a, uh, in humanities. In psychology at Lubbock Christian University and his Master’s of Education and Higher Education Administration from Texas Tech.
He went on. He didn’t stop there. No, he went on. He’s an overachiever. I get it. He got two PhDs from Texas Tech, one in Counselor Education and supervision, and the other in higher education administration. So guys, I’m tell you what, Dr. John, he talks about so many things on his show. He’s bringing so much wisdom and it’s insight.
We talk a lot here today on anxiety, on what that looks like around, uh, the stories that we tell ourselves, the power that we have as Christian men to, with the words that we say, how we can actually use that for good or bad in our relationships at home, with our kids, with our wives, and guys, he just, just talk about the things we do wrong.
Dr. Delony, he gives us insight to ways to, to we can actually implement to make a positive improvement. So that’s what I’m most excited about. I’m telling you, this is an incredible conversation. Uh, it’s it’s fact. It it, it’s full of facts that will guarantee you’re gonna help you in your walk. So I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did.
So, sit back, Dr. John Delony is a ton of fun. You’re going to, you’re gonna be chuckling some, uh, he’s gonna have you thinking, but I guarantee you, if you just take the time to listen, And apply what some of the areas that he talks about. It’s gonna make a big IM impact in your personal journey and for those that are around you.
So enjoy this conversation with Dr. John Deloney.
So John, welcome to the line within us. How you doing today, sir?
03:01 John Delony
I’m great, Chris. Thank you for having me on. Man, it, it means the world to me. Thank you. Well, it, it’s
03:06 Chris Grainger
an honor. I’ll tell you this is, I’m a little nervous. I’m gonna tell you why. It’s a little, it is. You’re not gonna believe this one. So my wife, big time fan, she listens every day and, and, and she never says anything about the guest, John.
But today she’s like, don’t screw it up. Don’t screw this one up. I’m like, okay, thank you. Thank you. So please give Rebecca a shout out if you don’t mind.
03:23 John Delony
Rebecca, thank you for keeping Chris in line and, uh, I’m glad my show’s full of Knuckleheaded husbands, so I’m glad that you’ve, uh, you’re able to keep him in line there.
And that’s what she says to weaponize me. Does she, does she come home and say, well, you know, John said that all,
03:39 Chris Grainger
bro. Do you know how many times I’ve heard you? You know what, John says this. I’m like, well, this is great babe. We
03:43 John Delony
need to try this. No, Rebecca, don’t do that. You’re gonna get me in trouble. No,
03:47 Chris Grainger
it’s all good.
This has been great stuff that’s helped our marriage, man. So seriously. Seriously, this is good stuff. So I’m excited, but, and she definitely is. So, may give us a fun fact about Doc, about you, Dr. John Delony. That maybe not people, not many people know. So give just before we get digging in too. So what’s, just something fun about you, man.
04:05 John Delony
10, 10 chickens and they are laying eggs like you wouldn’t believe. And so we are basically bajillionaire at the Delony house this season. We have more eggs, they’re coming outta our ears man and uh, to my son and started selling them. But um, we’re chicken family and we love it. We love it. I
04:26 Chris Grainger
love it, man.
We got three ourself and my girls are getting ready. They’re, they’re, they’re investigating, uh, raising quail for the quail eggs. Ooh. So, we’ll, we’ll see how that goes, man. But yeah, that’s, that’s, that’s fun stuff right there, man. Love it, man. Absolutely love it. So thank you so much by the, by the way, your, your book on your past, uh, change Your Future.
Love this book. I definitely want to unpack a little bit of it and I was talking with your assistance about what we could talk about and one of the things I know you’re pretty open about and I am too, which I’m sure you don’t know about my struggle, but I’ve had anxiety in my past as well, is something that that’s raises its head from time to time.
And I know a lot of our listeners at the line within us deal with it cuz I mean, we’re dealing with Christian men who are trying to be leaders and, and anxiety. It’s just something that man. Let’s just face it. It’s out there. So you know, why do you choose to talk about this stuff instead of just hiding it?
Like so many guys, we just hide behind this facade of like, I’m fine, I’m fine, but I, I love how you just embrace it and talk about it. Cuz I mean, that’s the only way we’re gonna get
05:25 John Delony
better. Oh man. Um, I, I think I just got to a point where I was tired of looking at the men that I was privileged to be behind closed doors with, that were 10 or 15 years ahead of me.
Just watching their lives melt underneath them. And, um, realizing I’m on that same exact path and it’s just like, it’s just like a being in a slow motion car crash, except I have the opportunity to turn and I just couldn’t see a reason why I would continue on in that track when I see where we’re all gonna end up and we’re all gonna, meaning my family, my friends, my community, my, my, my local church that I’m a part of, we’re all gonna end up right in that huge pile.
And then as I started. Pulling the string on that. I realize the way we’re talking about anxiety and mental health is sideways. I mean, look man. More people are in counseling under the care of a professional mental health professional than ever before in human history. More people are medicated right now for psychiatric mental health issues than ever before in human history.
And I’m, I, I, I’m a firm. I’m going to a counselor tomorrow. I got a, I got an appointment on my calendar. And I’ve taken meds before and they really help. So I’m not against those things, but we have to look at what we’re doing is not stopping the problem. In fact, the trend line for anxiety and depression, all these issues is almost entirely vertical.
We’re not helping, we’re not putting a dent in it. And so whenever I see a problem that I’m contin, I tell my 12 year old, uh, I got 12 year old, old boy, sometimes he’ll try to open the door and it’s stuck. And his first 12 year old impulse is just to rip and pull harder. Sometimes they’ll say, Hey, stop, stop, stop, stop.
See what, what’s blocking the door? And as a culture, we act like a bunch of 12 year olds, and we just think, all right, if we’re going this fast and we’re all crashing, probably the solution is just go faster. And man, we’re just making the pile of, of bodies and cars bigger and bigger and bigger, man. And, um, I just, I just can’t watch it happen anymore.
07:20 Chris Grainger
I decided to start talking. Man, I’m, I’m so glad you did, and I’m, I’m curious for your standpoint, too. I mean, we definitely serve Christian men and we talk a lot about the things that are talked about in the church, but also more importantly, we talk about the things that are not talked about in the church.
And this is one that I just don’t think it’s talked about at all. Right. I mean, it’s, we don’t hear many sermons talkings, how, go ahead.
07:42 John Delony
We do talk about it, and what we tell people from the pulpit is, Hey, the Bible says y’all should not have anxiety or worry about anything. And so if you are anxious, if you are worried it’s your fault, it’s your problem to fix.
And here’s the context that the church, cuz completely, dude, I’m, I’m, I’ve been going to church my whole life and I’m pretty critical. It’s kinda like, uh, I could talk about my dad, but nobody else can. Right? So that’s the way, that’s, it’s my family. Um, When the church was taking care of the poor and when the church is taking care of, um, the widows and when the church was, was a, was a hospital right, where people came and said, I’m not okay.
And the church said, we got you. When it was that they were helping people create non-anxious lives where they weren’t starving and they weren’t worried about their bills and they weren’t up to their eyeballs in debt because they didn’t know how, how money works. They didn’t understand what was going on.
You had churches teaching people how to do Christian life, and then you could say, those of you who are wearing anxiety and worry as an identity, and we all know those people. I was that guy. Like, I’ve got anxiety, so I can’t be on time. I’ve got anxiety, so I can’t treat you with respect. That’s all nonsense.
But instead, the church has slowly, over the last 25, 35, 45, 50 years become a. Either it’s either or. It’s a, it’s, they become very like a, an arm of a particular political party or they just get up there and repeat the same three verses and smoke and lasers, and then send everybody home feeling good with donuts and coffee.
And we have a generation of people that don’t know how to do life. We don’t know to be married. We don’t know how to raise kids. We don’t know how to, how to function. And so we’re just angry and frustrated all the time. And then we got someone up on the pulpit telling us to up on stage, telling us to quit being, quit worrying.
Jesus says, don’t worry. He says that in a context right after He is teaching people how to do life, right? And so, um, I think we’ve created a world where we can’t talk about it, and then we’ve got a greater cultural message that the church is just inhaling. Like it’s an old cigarette. We, it either one of two things.
You’ve got the path forward, which is. We’re all feelings. Everything’s about feelings and whatever you feel is your truth and you just choose your own adventure, you make it up as you go, which is nonsense. And then you got the other side of it, which is if you have, um, feelings, you’re a coward and your wimp suck it up and just keep grinding it and go about your day.
And both of those narratives are false. They’re both wrong, and they’re both wiping us out. And so I think there’s a great moment in history right now for the church to take up the new third path, which is. Here’s feelings. We’re gonna teach you how to talk about ’em, we’re gonna accept them, and we’re gonna teach you how to make the next right choice.
Because our feelings often lie to us. They are important signals, but they often tell us wrong directions. And we’re gonna have a group of men and women who rally around you to say, Hey, here’s the next best choice. Here’s the next best decision. Not to weaponize it, not to get power over you, but to help you live a better life.
Right, right. And I think we missed that message a lot.
10:49 Chris Grainger
Well, I mean, and to your point there, I mean, you have two extremes in the church in general. You have the, the fully love churches and the fully true churches. Sue, you got, you know, a hundred percent love. That’s the prosperity gospel. And you have the a hundred percent truth churches who you can’t do anything, right.
A lot of times they’re preaching to poverty gospel and, and, and both of ’em completely miss the mark. I mean, but to your point, right, that you started off with how do we get away from, it’s a hospital many times now it feels like a country club, bro. I don’t, I don’t know about your church, but that’s what
11:16 John Delony
it feels exactly right.
It’s, that’s a hundred percent. And, um, yeah, it, it, I mean it, the, all the, all of the, it just adopted the business language from executive positions to strategic plans to giving campaigns. That’s all business literature and nonprofit. I mean, that’s all, um, nonprofit language. That’s how we talked at the universities I worked at.
Right. And they’ve just been adopted for this idea of growth and this idea of. We’re gonna count how our kingdom work is going, but how many butts we have in our seat? It’s just, it’s just, and again, nobody, I don’t believe anybody set out to be nefarious here. I think it worked in my business, it works in my, um, leadership roles here.
Of course, it’s gonna work here and here’s a way to measure this and we’re trying to do right. I get all that. Um, but I think we’ve missed the mark when it comes, it, it, it’s hard pressed for anybody to go back and just start. With the gospel, Matthew, and to read those first four books of the New Testament and think that’s we, we pretty much got that down.
We we’re not doing that anymore. Right, right. We’ve gotten sideways.
12:22 Chris Grainger
We have man, and, and a lot of times we, we pick and choose. That’s why, you know, you see these bible verses on coffee cups and things like that, and we have no context to really what it’s actually telling us. We just, it sounds good, so let’s just go with that.
It feels good for today, so we’re just gonna wear that today. We don’t worry, we don’t wanna worry about the hard stuff like that, that that’s, that’s old stuff that doesn’t apply to today, man. It’s such to me. That’s right. Like, bro, it’s either you’re all in or you’re not. Like this’s, just not pick and choose Jesus here.
12:49 John Delony
That’s right. That’s right. And all in looks differently than, uh, I think we’ve, we’ve, uh, than maybe even my granddad knew all in meant. Right. Yeah. And, um, I think that’s okay. I think that’s okay. Absolutely.
13:04 Chris Grainger
Well, man, I, I appreciate you taking me down that little, little detour there. But I want to get, talk about the stories cuz when I, when I read your book and definitely guys, you gotta go pick this one up.
It’ll be in the show notes, go get a copy cuz you talk about stories, all the problems and the solution, you know, and we need to understand that. So I, I love how you start off with, with, with owning the stories and, and understanding what they are. Uh, man, just, just can you unpack that a little bit on why that is so important to start that step of ownership?
13:31 John Delony
Yeah. We all have stories that we were born into that we didn’t even know. It was just the air we breathed. It was the water that came out of our faucet. And when I say that I, I’m talking about, um, you just grew up in a household that took you to church. You believed in God, you took, you went to a church, you went to a community that, that your parents understood God was your best friend and he has your best interest in heart and he wants the best for you.
Jeremiah, we’re just gonna repeat that over and over again. It’s on every pillow in the house. And um, or you grew up in a house where God was just watching you man, and if you screw up, he is gonna grit his teeth and smile and send you to an eternity of torture and burn. And he can’t wait cuz he’s a God of Justin, right?
That’s just the house you grew up in or you grew up in a house with no church. And on Sunday mornings we have pancakes and get together as a family and we laugh and we play games. Um, or you grew up and dad’s just not there. That’s a story you were born into. No one said anything. It just was right. And that became your filter, that became your glasses with which you saw the world that became your reality.
And if you’re wearing sunglasses all the time, it can, it can look like the world’s just kind of a dark place. Um, and if you’re wearing really bright, clear glasses all the time, it can feel like the sun’s always shiny, even when it’s cloudy out. So there’s these stories we’re born into, and then there’s the stories.
We were told, the stories like. You are always gonna be a whiny little brat or you’re my, you’re my, my pudgy little girl. You’re the pudgy one, or golly, you’re huge. Or This is my clumsy kid. Or this is the kid that always gets straight A’s. He’s my smart one. And these are the stories you’re told in what we found, we’re finding out with neuroscience that these stories have a physiological consequence.
Mm-hmm. They change your brain chemistry, they enact certain genes and they, they depress other genes. They, they alter how you experience the world. And so I grew up in a house. My parents lived the message and they told me, you can do anything. There is not a thing you can’t do. And so when I waled in and thought I’d just be a college president, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be right.
It never occurred to me I wouldn’t be an executive leader at a billion dollar university. That thought never popped into my head. In fact, when I applied for jobs and didn’t get ’em, I thought it was cuz they were stupid. Right. It never occurred to me I couldn’t do that. Yeah. Whenever I was, I finally had my dream, dream, dream, dream, dream job and then I just quit a couple years into it to become a YouTuber and a podcaster with Dave Rams.
Right. It never occurred to me that that was a pretty reckless, stupid idea. Right. I just, cuz I just figured it’s gonna work out. All of that is cuz I had parents and coaches and Sunday school teachers who continued to pour into me, even when I screwed up and said, Hey. You can do anything. And there’s big responsibilities with this love, right?
So that’s a story. And then I’ve got friends of mine who were told since they were four, that they were a burden, they were annoying. They need to get outta the way, they need to shut their mouth. They were always gonna be ugly, their teeth are always gonna be wonky. Whatever stories they were told. And then all of a sudden they’re 30 and 40 and they’re wondering why they’re six inches away from their wife, but they’re 6,000 miles apart from her.
They’re wondering why when her wi their wife leans over and says, Hey, is tonight gonna be, you know, You know Knight, you know, right? That instantly their first impulse is to hide, is to shrink because they’re ugly, they’re not attractive, they’re too fat to be loved. Like these stories, right? So you got the stories you’re born into, you got the stories you were told, and then those stories become over time, the stories you tell yourself.
And so when you’re a kid, dad tells you’re too pudgy. Mom tells you’re too lazy. Your teacher tells you you’re never gonna figure out math. And then when you’re 30, I don’t know how to do math. I’m just gonna put all my money in Bitcoin, because that sounds like the smart thing to do. Cause I don’t understand how finance works, right?
I’m gonna, you know what? I’m always gonna be fat. I’m always gonna be dumb. It’s easier just to go to pornography, just to dial into my computer than actually sit down across a table from my wife and say, Hey, I, I’m, here’s what I need. Here’s what I wanna try. Here’s what I think would be fun. Are you in with me?
Could we look at our sexual relationship as, as an adventure, not as a. As, as a, a game of, you know, chicken. Like we do this, we do this, and, and we don’t have the language. And we’ve told ourselves these stories over and over and over, and they just become our lives. And that’s how these things get passed on generation after generation, after generation.
And then there’s the stories of the things we actually did. Like I hurt people growing up. I was a loudmouth brash idiot, and I’ve done stupid things throughout my entire life. And so I’ve gotta take ownership of the stuff I’ve done, the people I’ve hurt, the choices I’ve made that got me in trouble, the stupid tattoos that I probably shouldn’t have got, right?
So I, I’ve done things throughout my life. I gotta own those stories. And then I’ve gotta ask myself this one gnarly, terrifying question that every person at one point or another has to ask themself, which is, what am I gonna do now? Yeah, what comes next? Am I just gonna accept that this is the way this is, as we talked about at the beginning, am I just gonna like, I’m just gonna get on this track.
I’m gonna go to college, get a degree I don’t like, I’m gonna go into debt with money I don’t have, I’m gonna get a job. That is fine. That’s gonna give me a semi fancy version of a used car and a semi nice house and a semi nice neighborhood. Is that just gonna be my life? Um, or am I going to unplug from the matrix and do something completely different with this one tiny, little reckless, crazy life that God gave me?
19:02 Chris Grainger
Amen bro. Amen. Hey guys, we wanna take a quick break. We’ll be right back.
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So, Dr. So John, gotta know, we’re gonna unpack this a little bit further around those stories. Cuz I talk about this a lot with our guys in, within our community too, particularly around the two areas, the stories we tell ourselves. I think I want to talk about that a little bit more. But also specifically to men.
Cuz I mean we serve Christian men here to line within us the power we have in our tongues and what we say to our wives and our children. I don’t think we understand quite to the degree that we should, what that power is. Cuz I mean as to man, I say a lot of times we can set the turn of a stat, right? We set that temperature in the house.
Does it get, does it get hotter when you come through that come through that door? Or is it, is it level out? And I just wanted to love to get your insight and your, your input or to speak to our men that are listening right now about that power they have, the way they speak. Then we can talk about the doors that we speak our to ourselves.
20:34 John Delony
Yeah. Um, I’ll hit that one head on and then I’ll hit Okay. The men listening where it hurts. Um, head on. Yeah, dude. Um, we as, I think as men across the board, Christian men included, We think so little of ourselves. We think our only value is our advice. Our advice are our strong backs. That’s it. And we have no models.
We have no picture of sitting with our wives, sitting with our kids and not trying to solve all their problems for them as though they’re stupid or as they’re dumb, as they’re less educated than us. We feel so insecure when our wives say, Hey, I was at work today, man, and this boss is an idiot. And instead of going.
I hate that for you. I’m glad you’re here. I don’t think you’re an idiot. We say, well, if I, my boss said that, I’d tell them they needs to be right. And we start and, and we imply with our words. You’re stupid. You’re too dumb to figure out how to do this. Wife or kids. We’ll do it for you. We do it with our adult kids.
We do it with our middle school kids. We do with, we. We just lo because I think we’re trying to help. We really are, but we do it because we are so insecure in silence. We’re so insecure with the power of our presence. That’s number one. The second thing is, is there’s a whole generation of men who learned, I can be really abusive with my language.
And they take all their thoughts and all their feelings and they shove it down inside their chest and they become nuclear reactors. And my wife calls it Sunday afternoon, dad, I can be really violent in my home with my silence. Everybody in my house can know they need a tiptoe around me and make sure that they don’t walk by the television.
I got my feet propped up. And they don’t, they don’t ask for snacks or ask if they can do anything. Cause dad’s got just pulsing with his heat. And then when my wife says, Hey, are you all right? Then I go, oh, what do you mean? Am I all right? Why are you always nagging me? I’m fine. I haven’t said anything.
Yeah, I know, man, but I am, I am communicating to everyone within the nuclear blast of my, uh, radius of my blast. Stay away. Stay away. Stay away. Right? And I think men can either over communicate and just never shut up or they under communicate in that rage and anger and frustration just spews out everywhere.
Here’s what happened this weekend. This happened to me. We were putting together, my son and I, he’s been, we got my, we got my daughter a, um, trampoline for Christmas. And then I promptly went in a hole to write a new book and disappeared from humanity. And I’m busy and been on the road. And, um, my wife said, I bet this goes up in April.
And I, I got, got on me and she was, and my son has been asking, uh, Hey dad, let’s put up the trampoline. I got, I gotta do stuff, son. I can’t do it. Hey dad, let’s put up the trampoline. Put up the trampoline. And so Sunday I’m walking out, I got my ruck bag on and I’m going, I just need to go for a long walk by myself.
And my son comes Bebopping in and he says, Hey dad, let’s put up a trampoline. And I just, I was like, fine, you win, Hank, let’s go do it. And he’s, and he immediately said, whoa, whoa. Da da. We don’t have to do it today. We don’t have to do it. And he heard it, he saw it on me and I was like, Nope, we’re doing it.
You keep nagging about dude, that has not had nothing to do with him. And I did it the whole time. I was grumpy and making my faces the whole thing, man. Monday when he got on from school, he came in, Hey dad, how’s it going? I said, I need you over here right now. And he’s like, what? What, what, what? And he immediately got tense and he came over and I put my hands on both sides of his face and I held his face for an awkward few seconds to where I could feel him getting kind of tense.
And I said, Hey, I was a real jerk yesterday. I was grumpy and frustrated with stuff that has nothing to do with you. The best part of my day yesterday was when you came in and said, can we. Put up the trampoline and I got to watch how incredible you were at helping me with the bolts and helping me pull these springs on this thing and helping with get this thing moved.
And all of this was for your little sister. And so I love the care. So I, I said, I apologized to him, told him I was wrong, but again, I didn’t say anything ugly to him, but my silence communicated everything right. Yeah. And so I think men have to learn when to be quiet and just be in our wife’s presence, be in our kids’ presence, and know that our presence is enough.
Yeah. And we have to know when we’re grumpy. Don’t, don’t, don’t make our kids carry that. Don’t make our spouses carry that. That’s for us to deal with. And most of us need to go do a hard workout or go for a long walk or go for a run or call some buddies or go do something. Right. Um, but not just sit at home and, and set a forest fire in our house and get mad at our kids cuz they’re smoking them.
25:15 Chris Grainger
mean, that’s so true. I mean, and I, I’m, you’re
25:18 John Delony
asking all my soapbox questions, man. This is like the John Deloney soapbox
25:22 Chris Grainger
podcast. No, this is good though, man, cuz this is real and this is what we, this, I think this is why guys, to me every week, they, because they know they’re gonna get that, that real vulnerability.
That’s what we wanna talk about. Cause man, I have the same thing, man. Like, I, I, so I have a 12 year old, 10 year old, 19 month old, and a four month old. So it’s a little bit crazy. Then we, you’re in it, are we? Bro. Bro, it’s, it’s crazy, right? I mean, we got chickens, we got dogs, we got cats we got now, and there’s a mouse that showed up at our house like, like he’s in a cage.
Yeah. Like I didn’t even know this. Like apparently we, we, this is what we do, right? So what I find myself, man, like you know, I have this other job, then I’m doing the lion, all these stressors, trying to make sure we serve the guests, serve the community, and the people who get the worst. The suckiest part of me, bro, is them.
Yeah. It’s like my 12 year old or my 10 year old, or my beautiful wife. And then I. And I’m finding myself, but I’ve challenged myself lately to be like the chief apologizing in my house. Like I want them to hear their dad say, I’m sorry. More than anything, I wanna be the, the one that leads with that. And unfortunately, I, I have to say that a lot because I mean, I just, I’m not finding good ways to, to, or either I don’t take enough time to transition from coming out of the lion or coming outta my other job to go into that.
Right. And I think that’s just as men, man, we have to be aware of that, bro. So I’m, I’m so glad that you brought that up cuz so many people, when they hear people like you, they’re like, oh, he, he never messes up. I’m like, no, man, just we, we all have these, we make these
26:44 John Delony
mistakes. I’ve found that the key for me is intentionality away from the situation.
Okay? What I mean by that, ev, every single Sunday night my wife and I get together and it’s a strange foreplay for her, but we go over the calendar of the upcoming week. And we go over the budget and sometimes I’m not so great with the budget, but, um, we go over the calendar every week and we talk about meal planning.
Yeah. And that gives her a sense of peace That is so profound. Every Tuesday of my life, no matter what, my son and I go to Waffle House and I’m, I’m, I’m a big lunatic about eating right and all that. But we go to a Waffle House, man, and we make it happen, but we do it every single Tuesday. And what that does for us is it creates a, every week we go is another centimeter of a concrete foundation.
Mm-hmm. And over the last year and a half, that foundation’s getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And I started this when he was in sixth grade. He’s halfway through seventh grade now that foundation’s getting higher so that when I do screw up inevitably, like I did this weekend. Yeah. I’ve got a relationship with him that’s not out of the blue, that I can look him in the eye and say, I screwed this up and I’m sorry.
And he understands me relationally. I’m not just this spaceship that lands in the house and then takes back off to work every week. Right? And so the intentionality is often not in the moment. It’s in these other moments when I can create some intentional time of connectivity with my wife, with my kids, with my friends, with my colleagues, so that my son gets to see, oh, I know who that guy is, right?
So when I say I’m sorry, it means something. Yeah, it’s done another, it’s done another performance.
28:21 Chris Grainger
Man. That’s so good. I mean, and one thing that I’ve done, what, since starting line, being an entrepreneur, I’m, I’m bringing my kids more and more into these conversations too about, Hey, share all my calendar.
Absolutely. Like, Hey, here’s, hey, like, Chloe’s my oldest, like, all right, Chloe, here’s what my calendar looks like here. This is really what, what I’m up against. So, and I found by, by doing that, it’s opened up, she’s coming to my room sometimes at nine 30 at night and be like, Hey, can we talk? And it’s just, I know if I can just keep her want more, she’ll come and have those conversations, man.
It’s just, you know, we’re, we’re going to, we’re gonna be okay. Right? I just gotta make sure that Can I, can I
28:57 John Delony
tell you this? Yeah. This, um, you’re, you’re onto it. And I wish I had, I had known this 10 years ago. Um, it was from the great, uh, Dr. Gabo outta Canada. He’s one of the most brilliant trauma, um, physicians and psychiatrists in the world, but, Here’s something that as a dad I’ve never focused on until recently.
Okay. And this comes from his writing, said, has it ever occurred to you that if you want your kids to spend time with you, that you can work on being likable, work on being somebody that another human will not actually spend time with? Right. And as I read through, I was like, oh man. Maybe lecturing every second of the day or every time there’s a bag on the floor, I turn it into some obnoxious life lesson.
Or every time my son doesn’t brush his teeth in the right way, in the right order, I could, what if I just tried to be likable Right Then? What I’m I, I’m, I can’t tell you the switch at my house. It doesn’t mean I’m not holding my kids accountable. It doesn’t mean it means I don’t nag ’em. It means I’m not complaining all the time.
It means I am trying to. Find joy in my own house, in warmth. I’m trying to be a center of warmth, not a center of, this is the way it’s gonna be. And this is, yeah, I got a rule book that they, no, it’s stupid. Yeah, that’s stupid. They need somebody that’s gonna say, Hey man, I’m a safe place. I will always be a safe place for you.
No matter where you find yourself on the planet. You can always come here and I’m gonna be waiting for you with a hug. And that’s a totally different proposition. And I’m telling you, man, it has been night and day in my house since I started. Stop trying to be right. Yeah, and be the drill sergeant and I started trying to be a likable guy, man.
My discipline is as high as it always is. My expectations are as high as they always are man. We have a lot more fun in my house and we have a lot more smiles and my daughter wants a lot more to do with me and I’ve, cuz I feel safe. Uh, my son wants a lot more to do with me cuz I feel safe. Yeah, it’s been a radical shift in my
30:53 Chris Grainger
And it’s so, it’s so important. I mean, you gotta have some fun in the house too. I mean, one thing I, my wife, she’s gonna be so turned red cause I’m getting ready to share this, but I’m just gonna share it because I feel like this is what I, I need to be real with, with my listeners, man, you want to get my family going?
All I gotta do is walk up to my girls and say, pull my finger. And like that just immediately looked, lowers stud level. Right? And particularly if I rip one, like they all fall out laughing. My wife’s rolling her eyes, but it just, in that moment, she can’t stand it. But little silly things like that, man. I just try to find times just to have a little bit of fun.
You know, don’t be that dictator all the time. Yeah, there’s a time to teach for sure. There’s a time to teach, but I think maybe it’s Rachel, she talks about as more cost than talk. You know, and, and actually, you know, be, be there, be there with them. They want that time. But when you are with that time, don’t just be hammering them the whole time, man, ha, have some
31:42 John Delony
fun with your kids.
Here’s what you’ll find. When you’re a warm, safe place to go, then people want to be near you. And when they wanna be near you, then they want to ask what you think about things. Right. You’re not having to chase down your kids and your spouse to give them your wisdom and advice. They’ll come, they’ll seek you.
People didn’t seek Jesus because, um, he was running around yelling at everybody. They were after him because he clearly had something inside of him that they didn’t have. And I want that. I want whatever that is, man. Yeah. This guy speaks truth to power and spends his time laughing and hanging out with homeless people.
Like, I wanna know that guy. Yeah. Um, that’s a totally different proposition than someone just screaming and hollering at people. That’s how you get, uh, that’s how you get demigods. Not, um, that’s not how you get people of peace.
32:28 Chris Grainger
Amen bro. Amen. Hey guys, we’re gonna take a quick break. We’ll be right back.
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So, so, so John, one thing to talk about too so far is the, the stories we tell ourselves. Man, I did a whole podcast and it was a solo episode where I did talk about, you know, the, what, the story I actually called it. You know, the words we, we say to ourselves and talk about that negative condemnation that we always have.
We’re just speaking those negative things and, and how important it is to stop that as man. And I don’t know if it was in your book, Or, or listening to your podcast, but I started using it about two weeks ago, and maybe it wasn’t your book where you just said you wrote something about when you have that negative thought, you literally say the words, Nope.
And you just like, Nope, not gonna have it. And you just keep walking. And man, I’ve started doing that and bro, it works. Like I’ve, I’ve been able to find it. I’m able to stop that thought and then move on, replace it with something that, that’s, that is true. Cuz usually it’s just a, it’s just a dog online that, that comes across me anyway.
Say no. Move forward. So man, give us a little more insight on those words we say to ourselves, because this is what from my community, the guys that I talk with, this is what they all struggle with is, is that negative. You know, I’m not good enough. I mean, every guy, we’re all looking for respect. I totally get that.
But we all feel it’s that insecurity that we just, we’re just not enough.
34:43 John Delony
Yeah. There, man, I, I often say, I talk to myself in ways that if I ever saw somebody talking to the woman at the Walmart counter, In the way that I talk to myself, I’d probably go to jail, man. Yeah, right. I, I would end up, and you know what?
My wife and my boss would bail me out and they’d have a smile on their face. Right. Because like, cuz you did the right thing. And I talk to myself like that all the time. I heard a comedian recently say, um, you know, and you’re walking outta the house and you run down to your car and it’s raining and you hop in your car and you realize you’ve left your wallet inside or something.
I remember the, the story and your immediate response is, and he has a lot of expletives, but. You idiot. You’re so stupid every time. And then you go back and you get your wallet and you’re just beating yourself up the whole way. He said, Hey, that’s not you. That’s your dad. That’s a, that’s a he. He said, um, that’s not bad self-talk.
That’s just a memory. That’s your football coach. That’s, that’s the way we were all raised, that you’re weak in your wimps and so we have to beat you up so that you can toughen up. Yeah. And here’s a, here’s a fascinating, um, insight I had. So I’m a big M mixed martial arts guy. Big m m a guy happened. Yeah.
Just started b J
35:57 Chris Grainger
ourselves, man. We love, there
35:58 John Delony
you go. There you go. Awesome man. Um, I’m so outta shape. I can’t even touch my toes. I did it for years, man. I don’t, I think I’d get wiped out by, by a middle school kid now, but there was a team, um, back in the day called shoot box, C H u t E, and they were out of Brazil and it had Vandalay Silva and Shogun, all these just assassins.
I think, uh, Vandalay Silva’s nickname was the Ax murderer. Nobody wanted to fight. I mean, he fought over in Pride, um, in Japan, was just wild. And they all talked about their practices and you know what their practices were fist fights. They just got in fist fights. They, they just fought all the time. And what they thought was, we are going to fight all the time so hard with the best fighters on the planet, that by the time we get in the ring, It’s gonna be nothing.
It’s gonna be easy. And that actually worked for like three to five years. There was a season when nobody could touch those guys, and then those guys can’t brush their teeth anymore. They, their shoulders and their knees don’t work. And they get, they, you, you sneeze on ’em wrong. And they go unconscious because they’re, they’ve, they’ve got, they’re punch drunk.
Right. Their chins don’t work. Yeah. And what they’ve found is this idea that I’m gonna toughen you up by screaming at you, by hitting you. It just breaks you down over time. And the greatest mentors are those who walk. Besides, yes, there’s some moments of accountability. Yes, there’s some moments of strong, hard discipline.
Of course, of course. But the idea that I have to assassinate you to make you strong is just madness. It’s wrong. It’s false. And we think we have a, a generation of kids. Who are weak and wimpy because we, uh, aren’t just being trough enough on, I think it’s backwards. I think we have a group of kids that have completely checked out because that doesn’t work.
We have, they’re desperate for adults to be adults. They’re tired of adults screaming at everybody and everything. And so, um, all the way back out, I have to choose to decide that I’m worth talking positively too. Mm-hmm. That I’m worth treating as good as I treat my coworker that I’m worth is treating as well as I treat that guy that comes into my church building that’s weeping, that says, I need help.
I would, I’ll, I’ll stop everything I’m doing. I’ll put all my stuff done. I’ll hug that guy and I’ll hold his face in my hands and say, I love you. God loves you. Come sit down. Let’s figure this thing out. I deserve that level of love and respect and trust too, and it starts with me and nobody in the world is gonna give me something that I refuse to even give myself.
And so I gotta start with me. And that often starts with stopping the stories. And this is, this was a big light bulb for me. Hopefully it is for your listeners. Rumination, worry, having those imaginary conversations with people that you’re never gonna actually have, if I talk to President Biden, I’d tell, shut up.
You wouldn’t say any of that stuff. You would say none of those things. None of you would. If I saw Trump, I’d tell him. You wouldn’t tell him anything. You wouldn’t tell your boss if I, I’m gonna tell my wife that I, you’re not gonna say any of those things. You’re just gonna fire your body up, dump adrenaline and cortisol into your bloodstream just like Drano.
And eventually you’re gonna eat through all the pipes in your system. Mm-hmm. You’re gonna burn a hole through your insides by having these imaginary fights. This, this false sense of power and superiority that you conjure up while you’re washing your hair in the shower, cuz nobody’s around and you’re just, or you’re driving and your, your grip on the wheel so tight.
I’m gonna show that I got. All you’re doing is choosing, I am choosing to die younger. I’m choosing to die of an aneurysm of heart attack. And by the way, the guy that you just cut off that could just cut you off, he doesn’t know how mad you are. He doesn’t care. He’s on his way to wherever he is. He’s go like, so you’re ang is for nothing.
Right? And so I’ve gotta decide. I’m gonna start walking through the world a little more peaceful. I’m gonna start working through the world a little more joyful. And that means when I start these imaginary conversations, when I start the fear mongering, what if the bank system collapses? What if the what if the Bitcoin implodes and all the banks fall apart?
You know what? When that happens, it’s gonna be very different than you think. Your neighbor’s gonna come over and try to shoot you for your water. Like it’s gonna be a whole different ballgame than we planned. So how about we just don’t spend time on that? Um, I don’t have, I don’t have, uh, as my buddy says, I don’t have a meteorite plan.
If we get hit by a meteorite and half the world gets wiped out, I’m gonna, I’m gonna figure that one out. Then. I don’t have food stored underground in my house for when that ha Like, I just, I just don’t. And so I am going to consciously. Be aware of the, of the stories that are, I’m looping through my head day in, day out, day in, day out.
And when I start getting sideways, yeah, my wife, she’ll just roll her eyes, but I’ll be walking through the living room and I’ll just holler. Nope, nope, nope, nope. And I’ll just keep walking. And she just knows they’re, he is talking to himself again. But I’m gonna stop that conversation in his track. Yeah.
And here’s the other side of that, that’s really important. You have to have another narrative that, that follows up. Right, right. Um, I think it’s the Great Adler, a great, uh, one of the founding fathers of psychology said, I thought if I took away my client’s depression and anxiety, that I would make them well and I didn’t.
I just made them empty. Because anxiety and depression are, are our body’s way of coping with a crazy world around us. Yes. Right. And so we have to have something that goes into that space. You can’t just pull out the bad stuff. You gotta put in good stuff. So I’ve got another story when I start thinking about my son just needs to, I’ll yell.
Nope. And then I’ll think, God, yeah, I won the lottery with that kid. Yeah. He is working hard on his grades. And I will spend a second or two saying something positive and um, we’ll roll there ma’am. And it just changes everything. Yeah,
41:32 Chris Grainger
it does man. It does so much. And I don’t know how you
41:34 John Delony
did this, Chris.
You’re like, man, this is like delony soapbox hour, man. You’re asking all of my hot button issues that just drive me crazy about the world we’ve created for ourselves. Well, bro, I
41:44 Chris Grainger
mean, and the last one, man. Well done. Well, thank you, man. I mean, I really put a lot of prayer and, and time into trying to make sure I serve you well and to serve your listeners.
And I know one area that I, I hope that we could just touch on briefly, cause I, I know we’re running short. Is around, uh, uh, Guinea connected cuz that whole one, that, that one section in your book where you talk about Guinea connected and I tie that directly to community. That’s what I’m big about here at the line within is that’s why we built this community cuz these guys that are in our community, man, it, it’s incredible.
I mean it’s, it’s, I’ve seen. Legit change. We’re talking about legit things that are really happening in our lives and the importance of that to be able to have that place where you can go be real. And quite frankly, I don’t see that in church that we, we, we bring the fake you at church and, and fake you’s doing just fine, man.
I wanna talk to the real you. Like let’s talk about the real stuff. And that’s, this is the community for me. That’s what it’s all about. So maybe just preach a little bit on, on why them, it’s so important to get connected with others.
42:40 John Delony
If you think back to about 4,000 years ago, and you’re walking through the planes of North Florida and you go to sleep at night and you wake up in the morning and your tribe had left you.
Mm-hmm. Your tribe just took off. Mm-hmm. They packed up all the gear, they packed up all the animals, they packed up the women and children, they left. You were probably gonna die. You weren’t gonna make it. Because you were gonna get exposed. You were gonna get eaten, you were gonna run outta water. Um, you were gonna have run outta food.
You were probably gonna die. Every ounce of energy in your body, every chemical would, would, would be geared towards one thing. Find your tribe and in your body wouldn’t let you sleep very deeply. It wouldn’t get that great deep sleep, that restorative rem sleep because it couldn’t afford to, because you were all, you had, you were always having a, you were now just a security department.
There wasn’t somebody else, uh uh, staying awake while you slept. It was never go. You’re not gonna, mate. There’s no reason for sexuality and intimacy. You’re trying to not die. Um, you’re not going to eat deep, restorative, nourishing foods. You’re gonna grab a Twinkie and a Ta and Taco Bell because your body’s craving cheap calories to get you to the next.
Moment. In the next moment, in the next moment, it doesn’t have time to digest a big, healthy steak or a, a, you know, a good salad or whatever it is. Mm-hmm. And so when we step back and look at our lives, we’ve created the loneliest generation in human history ever, ever. And if you’re like me, you’ve got friendships of 20 and 30 years and you’ve got 14 mile text message exchanges that’s full of hilarious memes, and you are completely and totally alone.
Or if you’re like me, you can be completely alone at your kitchen table surrounded by your family at dinner. Or you can be completely alone next to a woman who you know loves you, but you know more know what’s going on inside her head and she has no idea how lonely you feel and how unhappy you are with your sex life, how unhappy you are with your faith, whatever’s going on in your, how scared you are about your job.
She doesn’t know you. You’re completely alone. Mm-hmm. And when your body recognizes that you’re alone, it sounds, every signal that it’s got. It’s trying to get your attention because it knows you’re gonna die. And if you back all the way out, now you’ve got this whole neuroscience community circling up with these words like neuroception and like where your body’s scanning for threats.
Here’s the deal. Our bodies are co-regulate. They are designed from the inside out for one thing, connectivity to other people, real humans in a real room saying, how are you? I see you and I still love you. That’s how we’re, that’s that is the baseline dude. And we have just completely taken that away.
We’ve completely pulled that out of human existence and said, you know, actually you can just sit behind the screen and you can do all of the things in life right here. And then Netflix knows you better than your friends. They just tell you what, uh, series to watch next. And, uh, if that doesn’t work, you can just, uh, Google whatever you wanna see on the computer and grab a drink and go to bed.
And that’s what we’re calling life. And so, man, there is no zero, none long-term behavior change without getting connected to other people. And so I think, here’s what I’ve, I’ve become fond of saying, they gave my granddad cigarettes when he was eight, nine, and 10 back in the, it was in the twenties. I mean, they gave him cigarettes cuz it calmed kids down.
And uh, they realized in short order, Hey, that’s not very smart. We’re gonna kill these kids. And then all those people grew up to be smokers. All of our grandparents were smokers until they quit. Yeah. They had to look in the mirror and say, Hey, this is gonna kill us. I think we are there with loneliness.
Yeah. We have a generation of people who’ve got nobody except for our friends on our com, imaginary friends on the computer. We have to look in the mirror and say, I’ve got to do the hard work. And it’s miserable work. It’s the worst, Chris, the worst we have to. I have to look in a mirror and say, I don’t wanna die young.
I want my kids, I want my grandkids to know their granddad. I wanna be a person of integrity, which means I’ve gotta quit smoking, which in this case means I gotta get some friends, some guys that I share life with, that I do life with, that I’m weird with, that I tell my joke and they don’t think it’s funny or they tell their joke and I’m like, oh my gosh, that’s so stupid.
They wanna put country music on in the car. Whatever crap that, whatever’s going on, I’ve got to go down that path. Otherwise, I’m, I’m choosing. To die a death of despair, and I don’t think our families deserve that, and we certainly.
46:52 Chris Grainger
No, you’re right. And it takes intentionality, guys. I mean, you can’t just wake up and this stuff happens.
You really have to lean in. And sometimes for me, that’s why I started in line within this. I recognize this. I need, I needed to be around more, more men to be able to pour into to, to me, just as much as I can help them. But man, guys, if it’s not there, like start it, get it going. If you don’t, if you need that small group, whatever it is, like lean in and make that stuff happen.
So John, that’s incredible advice. Thank you so much for that.
47:18 John Delony
Oh, thank you man. Thanks for, thanks for calling that out. And you actually put your money where your mouth is. You started a group, man, I just run my mouth about it. Um, and hey, again, same as just a minute ago, writing this new book. I was about halfway through it and I went and checked myself into a hotel for a week.
Um, I’m kind of a miserable person when I get into a writing mode and I went to a hotel just to get this thing out and I kind of work odd hours. And about halfway through that stay, I had this real scary moment like, Oh, I’m completely alone again. Yeah, I did it to myself again. I just found myself traveling the country and running around and going to kid thing and going to wife thing and going to kid thing and going to work and doing whatever.
I got nobody again. I did it again, and so this back half of the new book was. Hey, I’m not talking at people anymore. I’m trying to go splunking to see what happened to me. How did, how did this happen to me? I, I’m the guy, I’m the loneliness guy. How did it happen to me? And, um, here’s my path out, man. So kudos to you for actually putting your money where your mouth is and starting to group, man.
That’s the way to do it. Yeah. Thank
48:18 Chris Grainger
you, brother. It’s been a blessing. It, it definitely has. Well, before you go, man, let’s do a quick lightning round. We always like to do this at the very end of our show. Couple quick questions. They’re just fun stuff, man. It’s just to, just to let our listeners know little bit about you, but if you’re willing to play, we’ll make this, we’ll make this a fast lightning for us.
All right. Let’s, let’s dance. Let’s do it. All right. So what’s, what’s your, what’s your, uh, favorite food man? Favorite
48:38 John Delony
food, man, I, Texas Mexican food. Ooh, nice.
48:41 Chris Grainger
TexMex TexMex. How about a
48:44 John Delony
hobby? Uh, man, I’ve been playing guitar for about 35 years. That’s one of my favorite things in the world.
48:50 Chris Grainger
Nice, nice, nice.
What is, uh, what’s something maybe you’re struggling with right now?
48:56 John Delony
Oh, man. Uh, I’m struggling with. I’m an introvert by nature, and I spent my entire career, um, especially the last decade, trying to disappear from the internet. I wanted to help people behind closed doors. Yep. And so now I’m getting recognized in airport bathrooms and stuff.
So just recognizing this new job, I, I freely chose. Comes with a lot of exposure. And so it’s just, you know, my wife’s getting asked about, you know, me at doctor’s appointments. It’s just changed our family in wonderful ways. Right, right. And it’s also just a new season, so just figuring out how to do that.
49:30 Chris Grainger
I feel you. I feel you. So what have you looked back over last year? What did you spend too much time doing?
49:36 John Delony
Um, uh, um, I spent too much time letting other people decide what my priorities in my life were gonna be. Mm. And I let them own my calendar. I let them own my, uh, philosophy statements. I let them own what my priorities, and yeah, I committed at the end of hit and send on this thing.
I’m that, that has to end, and I’ve already seen my life shift for the better.
50:03 Chris Grainger
Good for you. Good for you. La last two, real quick. So what’s the new habit you want to create or maybe a new habit you’ve recently created?
50:11 John Delony
Man, so, uh, geez, we can get on a rabbit hole here. Um, I have a, I have a bad relationship with food.
Always have. And, um, it was, it was in this space spending some time with the guys from Mind Pump and with Dr. Lane Norton, who are two giants in the health and fitness space. Um, one of the, uh, mind pump guys, Sal told me something, just private conversation, said, Hey, you can’t hate yourself into a better body.
If you go to the gym and work out because you think you’re fat and disgusting and gross, you will always, always hit a wall. Yeah. There is no way through that. If you go to the gym and say, man, I am worth an hour to feel better, to look better, to be my best self to be 40 years from now, I can roll around on, on the on the ground with my grandkids.
That’s sustainable. So, shifting why I work out every day, I, I’m, I’m kind of obsessive about it, but why? And I realized I was doing it cuz I hated myself, not because I, I cared about myself so much. So that was number one. The other one is I just had a bad relationship with food and swinging from, um, I’ve got a kind of an iron clouded willpower.
So I’d go from, I could, I could knock weight off real quick. And this time when I worked on my new book, I talked with Lane and he said, Hey, I love snacks when I’m writing, just I’m surrounded by snacks like a middle schooler who just has his parents’, you know, debit card and they can just go, cra I got gummy candies everywhere.
It’s, it’s, it’s pretty ridiculous. Um, and he said, why don’t you use this opportunity to not beat yourself up, but take in the extra calories and just lift heavy this time when you go lift, lift heavy, use it, take advantage of those calories, and on the back end you’re gonna be a lot stronger. And so now I took that advice and now I’m about 15 pounds up from when I like walking around.
And then walking that back off in my forties is very different than walking that back off in my thirties. So, um, the habit I’m trying to create is to be a lot more diligent with, with the food I’m putting in my mouth. That’s
52:05 Chris Grainger
awesome, man. That’s awesome. Well, last one for you. You know, John. So what do you hope the listeners out there today, if they remember one thing, what would that be?
52:20 John Delony
They’re worth being loved. That they’re not a burden.
52:25 Chris Grainger
Amen, bro. Amen. Well, we’re, we’re. Man, I’ve, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this time with you. Where do you want them to go to get your books, to get to connect with you? I know you do a lot of stuff on Instagram, but just where you wanna point ’em.
52:38 John Delony
I still don’t understand how Instagram works, man.
I’m like, I didn’t have any on social media before I took them. I’m still trying to figure it out. Um, I think things are hilarious that my wife does not think are as funny as, anyway, so you can find me at John Delony, d e l o N Y. And you go to john deloney.com for books and things like that, um, or they’re on Amazon, they’re everywhere.
And, um, you can catch me at my show. I’ve got a, a show that comes out three times a week. It’s a caller podcast. Think of, um, old Dr. Phil or, uh, you know, uh, old Love Connection or something like that. But it’s people calling in with real problems and we are walking through day by day. And I also host Dave Ramsey show with him every once in a while talking about money and stuff like that.
But you can find that the, the Dr. John Deone show, wherever they’ve got YouTube and podcasts
53:17 Chris Grainger
and all that. That’s awesome. I’ll make sure that stuff is synced up. And I will tell you guys to, the Dr. Dalone show is, is played in my house three times a week cuz I hear it from, from Rebecca. So, man,
53:28 John Delony
53:29 Chris Grainger
It’s all man. This is great. This is great. But thank you so much for joining us today, brother. Anything else you’d like to share? I just
53:35 John Delony
wanted, thank you for your hospitality, man. Uh, you asked me some questions I haven’t been asked in a while, and, uh, it was, it was, you asked them all at the same time, so I appreciate you letting me preach for a little bit.
53:45 Chris Grainger
Thank you sir. Have a great day.
53:47 John Delony
All right. Blessings to you, brother. See ya.
53:52 Chris Grainger
Listen guys, our habits matter. They’re either making you better or they’re holding you back. So if you’re feeling stuck and you need some ideas on how to create some new habits that are gonna make an impact, I wanna help you out. So I outlined a guide that will give you nine habits, that’s nine, that will help you grow spiritually, mentally, and physically.
So to get your free guide, head over to the lion within us slash habits. That’s the lion within us slash habits, and start creating the habits you need to be the leader God intends you to be.
So guys, I told you I tried to warn you, but as usual you don’t listen to me. So here you had to listen for yourself. I get it, I get it. But hopefully you got a lot out of that cuz I know I sure did. Hanging out and spending time with Dr. Dr. John Maloney. It’s just one. It’s incredible. I mean, I still can’t believe sitting here recording this episode with him.
That, that this is real. Sometimes some people we’re really able to have these conversations cause I not that just, just, he’s got a big, uh, figure and he does all these things, uh, out there with so many people. But because it’s so impactful and it goes, it aligns directly to God’s word. A lot of that, the insights and advice that he gave, because I know this stuff helps you because it’s helping me.
It’s helping me with my relationship with my wife and my my children. Carefully with, with the people at the, in, within the line, within this community. So go back and take the time to really understand if you, if, if you skipped over this one, this may be one you wanna listen to at one time. Speed. This may be one.
You wanna slow it down to really get that insight because you need to be thinking through it. Okay? How can I take these areas that he’s talked about here and actually implement and start making some small minor changes? And he talked about some small minor things. Guys, this is not big overhauls you would have to do.
But these little bitty changes do make an impact. So I pray you go back and you check that out. Now, if you go back to the, to the versatile week this week where we’re talking about First John four, seventh or eight, and again, that talks a lot about love. What I want you to think about is what does love look like in your daily walk?
Okay. Again, for a Christian man, love isn’t is, is a verb. It’s something that we have to walk at. It’s something that we show, okay? It’s not just the feeling we have to actually show this out. So for, for you in your relationships, maybe the relationship with your wife, maybe the relationship, relationship with your kids, or how about this, the relationship with your coworkers or that guys, John, Dr.
John talked about the relationship with that guy. Cut you off in traffic today, right? Can you love that person? What would that look like if you could actually tune that in and, and tune out the hate and the anger and the rage? Start tuning into love. So I hope you guys enjoyed this one, shared this out with others.
I’ve talked to so many guys lately at the, within the line within us, within our community, and the biggest encouragement I’m hearing from guys is, is that they’re actually sharing this podcast out. I recently talked with one of our newest members. His name is Ted, about he, he’s, he’s texting it out to 20 guys, some of these episodes because he knows it’s going to impact them.
It’s going to help them. So take the time. If all you do is just hit share this episode and you send that out, guys, that makes a big impact. If you would consider us living, leaving a rating review, that would help for sure. And the big biggest thing we want you guys to do is go check out the community.
And Dr. John and I, we talked at the very end about the importance of connection, connecting with others. And I know it’s hard, you know why? I know it’s hard. Cause it’s hard for me. So we built this, this community within the line within us. And guys, all I can tell you, Is that it’s making an impact. It’s incredible to see the way these guys are leaning into each other.
We’re bringing the real issues. We’re helping each other. We’re serving each other. We’re even planning some live events later this year. So if you want to get in on any of these things, guys, you gotta get in line within US community. I’m telling you, it’s growing. It’s gonna be resources there that are going to help you in your journey.
Whether you wanna be a better husband, better business owner, better employee, a better dad. Okay. Maybe you wanna take care of your health better, right? Maybe you want to just start, what do you need to start doing to start plugging in the word and clearing your mind better? We’re gonna be talking about all these things.
We have these resources here to help you. So check out the lion within us. Start your 30 day free trial and plug in. You have nothing to lose. Jump in for 30 days. If it doesn’t serve you, bounce out, it’s fine. But I just want to connect with you and give you an opportunity to see the wonderful things that we’re doing because as John mentioned here today, You can’t do this thing called life alone.
We have built a society where we’re all so disconnected. We’re alone. We don’t wanna talk to people. We don’t, we don’t have ways and outlets to really release all this, this negative that we have. Guys, I’m telling you, we’ve built this community to help you do that. So I pray you take the time, check it out.
See, see what it, if it would serve you and just reach out to us, okay? Just reach out to us and let’s have a conversation there within the community. So again, hope you have a great one. Come back on Friday. I got some good tips. I guarantee you’re gonna help you. Some of these tips you probably haven’t thought about before, or maybe you haven’t thought about some of these tips, but you haven’t applied ’em in a while.
So come on back on Friday for our fun Friday. We’re gonna unpack, unpack some fun things there. So get after it. Okay? Get after it. Stand strong and show that love. You know what time, what’s coming next, right? It’s time to unleash the lion. With.
In this episode he didn’t hold back and talked about several areas including:
- The impact of anxiety on the effectiveness of men.
- How the stories we tell ourselves hold us back.
- Why owning up the past sets you up to win tomorrow.
- The importance of a band of brothers to help you navigate the craziness of life.
- Actions you can take right now to get unstuck and be the leader God intends you to be.
Dr. Delony is a renowned expert in many areas and helping others see the potential that exists inside is a true gift. The wisdom shared in this conversation will help you rebuke the lies of the evil one and recognize how God sees you – His son or daughter that is capable of infinitely more than you can imagine.
Grab something to take notes with, apply what is taught and seek ways to truly unleash the Lion Within.
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