Surface level is safe

That’s where most people prefer to stay.

Even in the church, we often keep things casual, and when authenticity or vulnerability enters the conversation, it can scare people off.

That makes me pause and reflect. I’ve resolved that I’d rather go narrow and deep than wide and shallow.

The challenge, of course, is that depth requires time, emotional investment, and a willingness to take risks. Recently, I’ve seen how that risk doesn’t always pay off.

One example came with a former workout partner. We were building a solid bond, enjoying good conversations, and one day I opened up about struggles in my faith journey. Almost immediately, I sensed his discomfort and shifted the subject. A week later, I got a text: he was changing his schedule and we wouldn’t be working out together anymore. Surface level.

My wife experienced something similar. After sharing her feelings of isolation with a group of moms, one woman reached out. At first, it seemed encouraging—but after a few texts, it was clear she wasn’t interested in genuine friendship. It was merely a reaction to her openness, which is extremely rare, but not something this lady wanted to truly invest time in helping. Once again – surface level.

Maybe you’ve felt that too. It’s discouraging. In fact it can happen so often that we come to expect it and thus shut down all together. 

But here’s my encouragement: keep leaning in. Paul reminds us to carry one another’s burdens. That can feel heavy, but it’s also where discipleship becomes real.

Though we’ve faced setbacks, we continue showing up—and the few relationships that do go deep are growing stronger each day. Several brothers come to mind as I’m writing this and without their consistency and genuine love the days wouldn’t have as much joy.

So here’s the challenge: change the game. Go narrow and deep. Look at your recent texts—there’s likely someone craving a deeper connection. You’ll never know until you put yourself out there first.  Share your heart and if the first time doesn’t work out as you hoped, try another.  

Be bold, seek genuine connection and summon the courage to take the first step.